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Portrait of a Working Mom: In Praise of the "Work Boyfriend"
Filed under: Work Life
Let me start off by assuring you that, as cliché as it sounds, I am a happily married woman. It just so happens that I like a healthy dose of flirtation here and there.
As many people can attest to, going to work is not always fun. Going to work 31 weeks pregnant... well that's just a pain my sciatic nerve. I need motivation to stay awake in long meetings. Some days I need an incentive just to get out of bed. The work boyfriend is the perfect solution to this. Heating things up at the office helps to ward off boredom.
Whenever I start a new job, I scope out the office for the best possible candidate. Someone who is basically attractive, witty, willing to flirt back and completely unavailable. A gay male is usually a good bet, though not usually interested in reciprocal flirtation so much as mutual admiration. (Think Clinton Kelly and Stacy London of What Not to Wear.) I find young single guys are best, because they are able to separate a bit of fun giggles and playful slaps on the arm from a downright solicitation to an affair. Plus these fresh out of college man-boys have no interest in ruining my marriage and having to take care of my child and pay my mortgage.
My husband is aware of my need for a work boyfriend. He likes to make fun of me about my crushes. The reason I tell him is simple: I have nothing to hide. It's totally innocent fun. He's more than welcome to a work girlfriend, however he works for a sports TV network -- so the ratio of men to women is not in his favour. (Aw, shucks.)
Let's be clear -- I'm not willing to throw my marriage away or do something I'd regret. I just need a little ego boost here and there. Someone to stare at during the PowerPoint presentation, or doodle little notes to in a conference. Someone to sit next to and snark with at the company dinner. Someone who reminds me that I've still got it.
Silly? Maybe, but oh so fun.
As many people can attest to, going to work is not always fun. Going to work 31 weeks pregnant... well that's just a pain my sciatic nerve. I need motivation to stay awake in long meetings. Some days I need an incentive just to get out of bed. The work boyfriend is the perfect solution to this. Heating things up at the office helps to ward off boredom.
Whenever I start a new job, I scope out the office for the best possible candidate. Someone who is basically attractive, witty, willing to flirt back and completely unavailable. A gay male is usually a good bet, though not usually interested in reciprocal flirtation so much as mutual admiration. (Think Clinton Kelly and Stacy London of What Not to Wear.) I find young single guys are best, because they are able to separate a bit of fun giggles and playful slaps on the arm from a downright solicitation to an affair. Plus these fresh out of college man-boys have no interest in ruining my marriage and having to take care of my child and pay my mortgage.
My husband is aware of my need for a work boyfriend. He likes to make fun of me about my crushes. The reason I tell him is simple: I have nothing to hide. It's totally innocent fun. He's more than welcome to a work girlfriend, however he works for a sports TV network -- so the ratio of men to women is not in his favour. (Aw, shucks.)
Let's be clear -- I'm not willing to throw my marriage away or do something I'd regret. I just need a little ego boost here and there. Someone to stare at during the PowerPoint presentation, or doodle little notes to in a conference. Someone to sit next to and snark with at the company dinner. Someone who reminds me that I've still got it.
Silly? Maybe, but oh so fun.
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 16)
6-29-2007 @ 12:46AM
V said...This was sooo excruciating to read! You sound ridiculous...If you need that much attention from someone other then your husband? Poor guy!
Reply
6-30-2007 @ 1:27AM
wordmaven said...Can you say sexual harrasment? I hope the playful slaps on the arm are done off premises and in private. This is an HR professional's nightmare.
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6-28-2007 @ 9:54PM
susan goodnough said...I am very relieved to hear someone say this out loud. I flirt at work with all the guys but also keep a warm demeanor with women co-workers. I think instead of calling it a "work boyfriend" I think for me, a wife and mother in her 40s, work gives me a purpose and fills my social needs. Since I am attractive, being flirtatious is better than being stand-offish and getting called the "B" word by the men and women at work. It also helps us all to comment on a cute pic of a grandchild newly perched on a desk or hardily compliment a co-worker on a presentation. I have found generous behavior comes back to me ten-fold. So I think "work boyfriend" is a general concept that should be expanded in a positive way. With one caveat; zoning in on one guy is asking for trouble and gossip.
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6-28-2007 @ 9:57PM
dogstar said...Undoubtedly one of the stupidest ideas I have even read about. Get a life and tell your husband to get one too!
Reply
6-28-2007 @ 9:57PM
Vicki said...I promise you that no one my husband could be around at work could come close to me. I'm afraid that anyone considering him for a "work boyfriend" would be totally disappointed. Oh well......
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6-28-2007 @ 9:58PM
HAL MONROE said...YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE ALSO WHILE YOU ARE SCREWING AROUND YOU SHOULD BE WORKING MAYBE YOUR BOSS SHOULD FIND YOU SOMETHING TO DO OR LET YOU GO !!
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6-28-2007 @ 10:00PM
rayray said...I NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF HAVING A "WORK GIRLFRIEND", I GUESS WOMEN KNOW BETTER THAN TO PLAY THAT KIND OF GAME WITH ME. EVEN IN MY YOUNGER DAYS. IF SHE ACTED LIKE IT THER WAS SOME PLAY THERE, WE ARE GOING TO FIND A WAY TO PLAY. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LUGGAGE , I JUST WANT THE DESERT.
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6-28-2007 @ 10:04PM
Wendy said...Well, not sure if I call him my office boyfriend, but everyone at work always say that we sure act like we are meant for each other. He has his girlfriend, and well, I have no feelings for him. I call him my twin.
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6-29-2007 @ 7:37AM
Heather said...Terrible advice!!!!! My husband was another woman's work boyfriend. What started out innocent turned into an emotional affair. That was harder to take for me, then a one night stand. When I found out it was the worse day of my life. Please don't give women advice like this. Because what might be innocent flirtation can turn into something very damaging to all involved.
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6-28-2007 @ 10:03PM
CLJA said...I have a work "friend". We do not actually work together though we make sure we see each other every day. He and I have been friends for over 5 years and alot has changed in that time except for the way that we feel about each other. We call each other several times a day and each night before going to sleep, we are both divorced and are not interested in getting married to anyone else. A girlfriend of mine told me once that she is envious of my relationship between my "friend" and I because I have someone I can talk to about anything in the world and I don't have to have sex with him. LOL
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6-28-2007 @ 10:03PM
Mary said...An interesting topic for me for sure, as I am currently going through a divorce because my husband decided to have an affair with one of his co-workers. Did flirtation go too far? A marriage of 25 years has ended & ruined what would/should have been the best time of our 18 year old twins time of life. Yes, have fun with your co-workers, but flirtation without full understanding that nothing will ever come of it is totally wrong.
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6-28-2007 @ 10:04PM
FASTHAL said...MAYBE THE BOSS SHOULD FIND U SOMETHING TO DO OR FIRE U
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6-29-2007 @ 12:36AM
Bob said...Wow, what a bunch of uptight, puritan, self riteous bunch of respondants we have here. How many different ways can we vindictively join each other on the accusation side of the holier-than-thou fence. Some energetic and gregarious gal decides to label playful office banter with the moniker 'office boyfriend'....oooooooh, hit a nerve on that one. Open your minds, visualize the scenario in the obviously positive sense in which it was delivered...the sky is not falling and we're all not going to get stalked and divorced and murdered by OJ......but we will indeed be worse off if we as a nice people can't quit being hateful and ugly to each other.
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6-28-2007 @ 10:07PM
Pam said...Sounds like someone needs a different job. Obviously you are not spending enough time doing what you are being PAID to do.
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6-29-2007 @ 11:03AM
kati said...Two families are still sorting out the multiple problems that developed from office flirtations. Often one "flirts" feelings change for the other "flirt". Comunication problems at both work and home develop. Fidelity is meant to be physical, emotional and towards the person at home.
Either leave "well-enough" alone or have the courage to leave the first relationship and go forward.
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6-28-2007 @ 10:12PM
Kathy said...A very dangerous and painful game. I fell in love with my "office husband." Don't say not me either. I thought I was happily married until I saw this younger hottie showing me what I thought life had skipped me on. It hurts when they move on and friendship is all there ever really was. (except for a few romps over 7 years)My husband knew about him and never suspected anything. The guilt is looming for me. Skip the flirting and stick with your husband. Don't wake up one day to realize you aren't who/what you thought you were.
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6-29-2007 @ 4:52PM
Theresa said...What about when your work boyfriend is your manager and your the employee lol. I know...dangerous, but still makes work worth clocking in for
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6-28-2007 @ 10:09PM
Maria said...I was feeling guilty because I had a work boyfriend. There were days I would pull into the parking lot and smile just knowing he would be there. My husband had to endure endless stories about him because I thought he was so witty and intelligent. Oh thank God I am sane!!!!
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6-28-2007 @ 10:11PM
William Snyder said...This is a very bad move . A female coworker came on to me and I responded . We were at the time , both single and in no realtionships .
I was charged with sexuall harassment and not the girl because she went crying first .
So this action will blow up in your face and the stink will last a long time .
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6-28-2007 @ 10:11PM
karen slimm said...If you would realize the precious time you have while carrying this miracle and think about how you will raise this gift and stop trying to feel bad about yourself, you would not be trying to build up your ego. You have a wonderful responsibility to be a grown up woman, not an immature tramp. You are supposed to grow up when you have the chance to be a mother. You have a childish mind if you think this is a decent way to act. Grow up.
Do your job at work and stop trying to be a spoiled brat. This mind set will always cause problems.
If I was your boss, I would fire you.
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