Have your friends disappeared now that you've had a baby?
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Social circles are so funny...and strange...and very real. I remember the people I hung out with way back when before I even thought about having a child. I barely know any of those folks any more, and the ones I do I see rarely. Back then I also viewed the baby-carrying crowd with a rather raised eyebrow. Weren't their lives boring now that they couldn't be up all night carousing with their pals? Ah, to be young and foolish once again....
Clearly my sentiments changed over time. Having a baby is awesome. And I'm still up at night, it's just for a very different reason. And there's no alcohol involved (which is fine with me).
These days I mostly hang out with people who already have babies and with whom I can therefore identify, people who want babies or people who like babies. Most people fit into one of these three categories. Then there are the folks who seem to defy classification. It's these friends who've seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. I thought I was the one who was supposed to do that now that I have a kid.
Some of these people don't want kids. I don't care about that one bit--to each his or her own I've always said. But I think some of these folks think I do care and that's why they're not coming around. Perhaps they don't want me shoving my babyness in their face. Perhaps they think I only want to talk about my baby and babies in general. I have news for them--there is more to life, to my life anyway, than baby talk.
Don' get me wrong, I love talking about babies and my baby, but I'm also interested in a lot of other things. In fact, shockingly enough, I am still interested in the things I was into before I had a child. Crazy but true! I read and I go out and I see movies...OK, I go to themoviespoiler.com and check things out, but I did see that one movie a few weeks ago, remember? And I've been to several post-baby parties, as I noted earlier.
I've gotten back into running. I've returned to cooking. I still care about fashion (not that I can fit into anything these days) and I still love music, can't stop buying stuff on i-Tunes. Above all, I am still nuts about sports, especially baseball.
So why am I being dissed? I've tried to reach out to folks to let them know I'm still here, still interested in hanging out, I can't be out all night and I can't drink like a maniac, but I can still go out. In fact, my husband and I agree it's imperative for both of us to go out with our pals once in a while to maintain sanity but also just to have a good time. Happy parents are good parents after all, and while we love our son more than anything we think it's good to get out of the house once in a while.
Did you notice that this very thing happened to you when you had a child? Did some of your pals just drop out of sight? Were you ever able to reconnect or did you let sleeping dogs alone? I am not sure what to do. I can continue to try to reach out to these people, but part of me wonders if they want to be reached. Some of them I've known for practically forever, so I would hate to end the friendship.
The whole thing seems silly to me. Maybe they're just trying to give me time to get back to normal, whatever that is, but I've tried to let them know that I am ready for action. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough.
I think, now that I've written this post, the thing to do is to send an email out to everyone letting them know point blank that I am ready to get back in the game, that I want to go out and that I want to see them. Then, to carry the 'game' analogy a step further, the ball will be officially in their court. If they want to hang out, great. If not, I know to move on.
The thing is, even though I had a baby I didn't change. At least I don't feel like I've changed. But others must view me differently now, I guess. I view myself as the same old gal I always was, just now with a little something more--something extra special I might add.
Marriages, divorces, births and deaths all can bring people together or disconnect them forever. I guess that's why they call them 'life changes.'
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
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