When daycare goes bad

I think that Gavin de Becker dealt with this in his book "Protecting the Gift". I didn't pay too close attention because it wasn't something I was expecting to use.

I would suggest that you write down the issues that are bothersome and also spell out a possible solution. "Processed foods aren't good for kids. The center could buy chicken breasts and then coat and bake them themselves. A week's worth can be done and stored in the freezer." Or something like that.

Of course, you also want to sing the praises about what's good...probably start off the conversation/paper with those wonderful points.

I'm pretty sure that it was in de Becker's book that I read about this.

You can ask the center what you parents can do to help out. Not sure what you should/could do, but they may have some gripes about the way parents do things/don't follow established guidelines.

I hope there is somebody in your group with experience in leading groups/keeping things and people on track and in line. You need someone level-headed to keep it from getting out of hand.

Good luck. Let us know what is happening!

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I think that's a wonderful idea! You can never do too much when it comes to the well being of your kids. It's also great that the other parents want to get involved with you. I hope it goes well for you!

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I think that's definitely the right move, rather than just pulling your kid now without talking to management about why.

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I don't have much to suggest, as my own experience with daycare centers has been very good...
but I must ask, how comme you did not pay attention to the food issues while registering your son? did they not give you the menu for the month ahead? My daycare and others I checked out before choosing the one we use, give out the detailed breakdown of the snacks(morning and afternoon) and breakfast and lunch menu, and they make it available the last week of the month for the following month. So we always have a chance to review what will be served and every single time I've dropped in, they are serving exactly what they said...
So I'm wondering if your daycare does not do this, and if they don't maybe it could be a suggestion to make so that everyone can see what is coming food-wise and if there are objections you can bring them out before the month starts.

Our daycare does provide both canned and fresh fruit and they even make their muffins fresh in the morning (it smells so good when I drop my daughter that it makes me hungry)... so definetely there are good daycares out there.

On the caregivers being tired at the end of the day, maybe your expectations are a bit unrealistic, I mean are you as fresh at the end of your day as when you started?? I know I'm not, so I don't expect them to be, I pay more attention to the way they act around the kids at the end of the day, like how they talk to them and how willing they are to share information with me, I do expect them to be tired after the whole day with the kids, I know I am on weekends when I'm with my daugther.

good luck, and hopefully the meeting will brign good to everyone.

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Coming from the point that I worked in a daycare and that I keep kids (none currently b/c of baby 3)I think it's smart that you and a few parents are willing to address the problems and see how they can handle it. It could be lack of employees, troubled children, several different things and no one knows till you ask. It's also better to have things out in the open and dicussed then remove the child/ren b/c one of the parties won't discuss issues with you.

I just lost two children b/c I voiced concern over the fact that one of the children would not listen to me and follow my rules. B/c I never see the mom till she pays, I voiced my concern with the grandmother. The mom never called, came it, or anything and just called and told me she had found someone to watch them from her home and gave me a day's notice. Well, knowing she had just brought food for the next two to three weeks two days before I spoke up and didn't pick the food up, I know what made her leave. It didn't bother me, b/c I was getting fed up with the child not listening and breaking my stuff, but it doesn't help the child any for the mom to ignore a problem. I found out from the girl that used to watch them b/4 me that she had the same problem and the mom never wanted to discuss it with her either.

SO yes, I say speak up and allow for both parties to talk. It only benefits the children.

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When a program is funded it has guidelines. So when it comes to breakfast, lunch, and snack it should be nutritious. State/government funded programs have people who make the menus and they must meet certain requirements.
Also the caregivers are overwhelmed because of not so much the children but the parents. Many parents continue to drop off their children at daycare when they should be at home when they are sick. Those children then get other children sick along with the staff. And the staff can't really take the day off because then the daycare is short staffed.
Parents also show up earlier than they are suppose to and they show up later too.
So see the staff does get overwhelmed. The examples I gave are few compared to the many things that happen at a center.
But again when it comes to the meals they should have guidelines. Granted I am speaking of centers that are funded. I don't know what your situation is but this is my side of the story when it comes to what occurs at certain types of daycare.

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This is a pet peve of mine.

Want to get RICH? Open a Daycare.

My daughters daycare is HUGE, with every kid you see costing $100 a week for the parents (on average)

The employess are paid barely above minimum wage, and work like it.

Meanwhile the owner adds to his classic vette collection.

What can you do? To afford children, both parents must work and other daycares are worse.

Its like its a nessesary evil..

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If you have a business owner or accountant in the group it may be worth crunching some figures based on revenue; staff wages (if you can get an estimate); square-footage charges; etc..

If this isn't a one off nursery how much is the millionaire owner creaming off and how much is being spent on your childrens welfare?

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I have dealt with several nasty daycares in the 7 years I have been having to use them. The first daycare I used was an in-home daycare. The lady that ran it was getting more support to help with the kids than she should have. With all of the government benefits she was getting and the graceries that they were supplying she refused to give the kids any of that food. If the parents sent a cup with milk in it to daycare with the child, the child came back home with the same milk in it. The kids were only allowed to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or a banana sandwiches. I am talking breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and supper. It only stayed 3 months at that daycare.

Another daycare, in a church no less, in King, North Carolina, was no better. The teachers thought that it was okay to man handle the kids. I remember on one occasion entering the church and one certain teacher was yelling at the kids in a really hateful manner. Then because one of the kids would not listen to her she picked him up pay his shirt and pulled him to the ground and threatened him she would spank him if he dared moved a muscle. My daugher would scream and cry everytime I pulled in the parking lot of this place. And finally I gave in to my daughter and moved her to another daycare.

Which wasn't no better. This one was in Germanton. Another church setting daycare. The owner would continue to accuse the parents that they did not pay. After paying for one month twice I made sure I made a copy of the money orders I handed her. Then when it came to meal time. The state suggest a amount to give the kids, it doesn't mean that you have to follow to the T. Unless the parents ask. They would measure every piece of food that the kids ate or drank and they were not allowed to have any over that measurement. They could not have seconds and if they miss behaved in any way they were not allowed to have any snacks. One day while at school had a call from this daycare that my daughter was running a really high fever and that they were using cold wet washclothes to cool her down. That was fine that they thought to do that. Was glad that they was trying to help. Then when I got to the daycare, I went through the door and oh my god, my child did not have a stitch of clothing on and was made to lay in the floor in front of the door for all to see when they came in. My child was scared to death. Needless to say that was her last day at that daycare.

After some searches and studying I have found one of the best in-home daycares that money can pay for. I have been using this daycare for 4 years now and we have a great relationship. We do for each other. If she needs something from the store I pick it up for her. In return she lowers my bill. Which being a single parent of 3 can help. If she needs someone to sit with the kids I offer to help inreturn to reduce my bill.

In detail, I would find it to be of some help to have a meeting with your daycare and see what is going on. There are many things that parents can do to help a daycare run smoother.

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Geez. This sucks for you, and I am so sorry. I had similar issues with my daycare at first. The food isn't good. There is a lot of hot dogs and chicken spaghetti and the like. When I pick her up, I make sure to give her a good snack of milk, fruit, and wheat crackers. I sent her food for lunch for a while, but she started eating other kids food instead of her own.

I think it is good that you have more than one set of parents involved. I don't ever really see any other parents because I pick my daughter up so early. I have always been too scared to say anything to the caregivers (besides basic defense of my daughter). I didn't want them taking anything out on her. It is a really sticky situation.

I love my daughter's teacher now though. She is great. The food isn't any better, but a little junk every day isn't going to hurt her. She seems to be thriving and likes the kids at her school.

I think our kids deserve the best, but sometimes I wonder if we set the bar a little too high.

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interesting...we're in Bali, have a 2 yr old attending playgroup,and found the same problem re snacktime,suprised to find it wasnt wholesome or "real" food..so we take our own snacks..lunch also is spaghetti,fishfingers etc..our son has finished before lunch anyway..also concerned about bullies+injuries at that age..playgroup you expect kids to just go there and play,have fun,be happy..however some little boys do harrass others,argue over toys etc..one boy a few months older would harrass ours by running over+pulling his hair!?-leaving ours distressed+in tears..informed caretakers+they took more control..but my wife sits in the garden+watches over for 3 hours each day..has seen some injuries occur..we sign a disclaimer beforehand..but generally caretakers are good+watchful,albeit exhausted by the end of day..takes a special person.

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I agree that you should be getting a menu from the daycare -- mine provides one a month in advance. We are allowed to bring something different if we wish. I don't, because i don't mind what they serve. However there are other parents who substitute different snacks or meals for other days. Is there a reason why you can't do the same? I understand if they post a menu and then serve something different (read: worse) -- I'd definitely be outraged.

I also agree that it will probably be difficult to keep your meeting from turning into a *itching session. Be sure to take notes in a concern - suggested improvement format. I think that a tactfully worded letter to the owner/director would be better than meeting face to face the first time. That will give them time to process your suggestions and come up with their own. I'd try to schedule a meeting with the group and owner/director a week after delivering the letter.

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One of the daycares that our kids went to had terrible snacks (we provided lunch). I wasn't happy about it but I put up with it because other things were good. Unfortunately, the solution is probably to have parents provide more stuff. We've provided lunch at almost all of the daycares our kids have gone to and the parents have provided snacks (on a rotating basis) at most of them.

Given what you wrote I would suspect that there are financial and/or leadership problems that are affecting staff moral. Again, unfortunately, the solution might be more parental involvement/help to lessen whatever stress the center is feeling.

BTW, I think it is a great idea that you guys are meeting with the staff. You'll know whether you want to stay with them by how they react to your concerns.

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Bret, you leave your kid in a playgroup when your wife has the time to sit and watch him? That doesn't make sense to me. The only reason to leave a kid in such a situation is if you have no other choice and even then, I'd find a different way.

Is daycare for 2 yr olds in Bali mandatory?

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If that's the best daycare and it still falls short, I suppose the only thing you CAN do is see if you can get a casual organization of yourself and other concerned moms together to address the issues.

Who knows maybe one of the other moms that has the same views of quality childcare as yourself will take the situation as a sign to open her own childcare facility.

It's a real dilemma, you don't know if there's something out of the owner's control making things appear less than perfect or are they just running the thing to max out profits. And they are probably not going to be willing to disclose their bottom line so that concerned parties can say whether or not they are doing their best!

As example, the best daycare in our town is owned by a lady who lost a daughter to cancer. She's not just running a business, she's running a crusade of love and dedication for raising good kids. The place is super and she appears to be making enough money to support herself and her husband! If for some reason I needed help with the kids, that's the kind of place I'd want them to be.

Jan from www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com

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I think what you guys are doing is the right thing. Frankly, I've never had to work with daycare - I'm fortunate to be a SAHM, but I have worked with other kid-oriented groups, like schools and the Boy Scouts. I've found that the ones who have massive parental involvement are the ones who thrive and succeed. And the key is "involvement", not just "a group of parents who get together and complain".

Get involved... for example, if you don't like that they're feeding processed chicken nuggets, volunteer to have a "cooking weekend" once a month, and take the money, buy chicken breasts, bread crumbs and spices, (as well as foods for other dishes) and make your own. You can do this with lots of other foods (check out http://www.30daygourmet.com for ideas) that will keep very nicely in a freezer, and it only takes two days (1-shopping and 1-cooking) to have a month's worth of food.

More work and more time involvement? Of course. But what's two days out of the month when it allows your kids to eat well ALL month long?

It works with all aspects, too. When the staff feels valued by you, the parents, they will start working harder for you, because they realize that you appreciate them. If you treat them like staff, they'll act like it.

Good Luck.

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We left our daycare a few months ago, and it was a hard decision, but they kept making it so easy. Since we left, we've heard the real truth of everything that has been going on, and it's scary. The owner/director kept losing money and couldn't figure out why. She jacked up the rates last year, and eventually closed one of her centers in the spring.

We left because my son's age group (over one and under three) wasn't going to have the same standard of care we were used to. My son, who was one of the youngest of the eight kids in that room, would have been put back in with the infants, even though he was running around and playing and singing and dancing all day in the one-to-two room. My best friend's son, who was closer to two, was put in with the three and four year olds, and they started not letting him nap during the day because "it was too hard to get him to settle down with the other kids playing so close by."

The director/owner never actually worked at the centers, and we never met her. After we left, we saw a couple of Ben's teachers at the store, and they said that their paychecks had bounced twice already. Turns out that the director has been having money issues for years, and no one can figure out why. A couple of the parents from my son's room tried staying to work things out with the staff, but they ended up leaving because of how poorly managed the staff was. Medicine wasn't being given when requested, naps were being missed, and the whole atmosphere was very chaotic.

Ben was small for his age, the other toddlers would gang up on him and torment him all day long. Sometimes I'd go there to pick him up and he'd be playing in a corner by himself, avoiding the other kids as much as possible. He'd be emotionally exhausted and very quiet and reserved after days like that. We stayed until we did because in many regards, he was getting good care. Until the director started her "crisis" issues, my son's age group was going to the park twice a day to play and run around. They encouraged him to brush his teeth after meals and eat at a table. All of that, including the outdoor play, was getting axed because the director started cutting costs wherever she could.

Until September, when I quit my job to become a SAHM, Ben is at a wonderful home daycare in town. He's really thriving. When he gets to Amber's house every morning, he rushes in to greet the other children and hug them. And even though he doesn't use words yet (he's 18 months old), he starts babbling and talking to us as soon as we get in the door after work. It's like night and day. Amber focuses a lot on the kids being friends and playing well together, something Ben's teachers at the other center never paid attention to.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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"play group" is different than "daycare"

I ran a in home daycare for several years. Before quitting, as I was tired of the parents taking advantage of me, my family and my home.

Play group is when a group of parents(or other daycares) get together at a local park, pool or another parents home and the kids play while the moms/providers get a chance to "sit" and talk. It makes an otherwise hard and lonely job(daycare provider) a bit more tolerable. And also gives moms a chance to meet other moms and hang out while the kids get a chance to socialize with each other. A good and healthy thing for both children and parents.

Daycare is where you drop your child off with a provider in the morning. In either a center or a home. And you then leave your child there while you, your spouse(or significant other) go to work... or the mall, or the salon, or the beach. To return later in the day and pick up your child.

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