Hormones After Pregnancy: What's the Norm?
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What is it with these pregnancy hormones? I haven't been pregnant for over three months, yet there they are, still lurking in my system, ready to pop up unannounced and unexpected when I least want them to. Like at job interviews or when I am trying to have a serious discussion with my husband.
See, this is just one of the things that nobody tells you--or that they forget to tell you--about pregnancy. Much like pregnancy weight, pregnancy hormones are like the energizer bunny: they keep on and on and on.
Just when I think I am finally free of them they strike again. This morning they hit me while I was out for my morning run. I was considering what to do about childcare for my son. I'd selected a place, sent in a deposit after visiting, the whole nine yards. Everything seemed set, right?
But then I started thinking about how they might harm him and he wouldn't be able to tell me since he is just an infant. And I thought how very wrong it is for a mother to be separated from her mere baby only months after giving birth to him--and turning him over to complete strangers, no less. Not that people who aren't strangers can't harm your child.
Then I thought about--as I have often, ad nauseum, about that poor mother in Florida, mother of Kaleb, who is fighting for his life after being smothered and shaken (allegedly) by his caretaker. I can't stomach the thought of it, still. It literally makes me sick to think about it, and that it could happen to my son. Because it can happen--it did happen.
Then I just started crying. Again. I simply can't stop crying. And I am not a crier, not by nature anyway. At least I wasn't before I got pregnant. Once the second trimester hit though I would cry over just about anything. After the baby was born I cried of out fear for his safety but also for love and joy. In fact, I probably cried more after my son was born than I ever have in my entire life.
Once I hit the three month mark, my weight was down and skies were looking sunny. I took a long road trip with my new family that went swimmingly and I thought I was over the hormones. I never had that feeling of hopelessness described by many moms, or the "baby blues." Instead my postpartum depression took the form of fear for my baby and his vulnerability.
But everything made me cry. I would laugh about what I was crying over and then cry some more, and then move on. Slowly over time those feelings dissipated though, or I thought they did. Now, like I said, they sneak up on me when I least expect them.
So here is my question--do they ever go away? Ever? 'Cuz it takes a LOT out of me to get all worked up over something. Some things like sending baby to daycare are worth crying over--that's a natural reaction. Some things, though, like Yankees pitchers getting booed, are not. After all, there is no crying in baseball.