The Baby Billionaires Preschool

Filed under: Day Care & Education

This month's New York Observer has a hilarious article on a fictitious Baby Billionaires Preschool, where the goal is "to provide a positive, age-appropriate experience in an environment which nurtures social and educational learning while preparing children in the basic analytical skills of corporate finance, modern capital markets, and risk analysis."

Included in the daily schedule for your future Wall Street tycoon, is "Outdoor Awareness Time," during which "Children experience the complexity of the global food and agribusiness chain by playing "steal the bacon" in character." There's also "Sandbox Hierarchy," in which the goal is to identify "the alpha baby through conceptual guidelines for diagnosing team dynamics and determining strategic options for optimization." My favorite, however, is "Complex Organism Play," when "Children examine the challenges of managing coordination of local responsiveness by playing tag, absolute economies in King of the Hill, and cross-border interlocking tactics through Duck, Duck, Goose. (Time out given to any child demanding foie gras.)"

I know next to nothing about finance, but considering the absurd competition for places at the most "prestigious" preschools, I thought the article was hysterical.

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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.