Pregnancy: when do you share the good news?

Filed under: Your Pregnancy, Bump Watch, Rumors

It's no surprise Christina Aguilera is refusing to comment on whether or not she is pregnant. If she is, time--and the media--will certainly tell. Tradition holds, in this country anyway, that a woman does not share her good news until she is past the first trimester, at least three months. This is to ensure that all is well with the pregnancy and that it continues healthfully as planned.

I didn't tell my colleagues at work until I was somewhere in the middle of my fifth month. My concerns initially centered on the pregnancy sticking, but later took another focus. As a working woman I didn't want to suddenly get passed up for a promotion or treated any differently because I was going to have a baby.

Some folks sort of knew anyway without my having told them, but I still kept mum until I had no choice but to spill the beans. I figured my boss, who probably knew anyway from my taking so many trips to the doctor, would be annoyed if I didn't come clean.

Some women, though, are compelled to share the news the moment the pregnancy test comes back positive. A few years ago I was attending a good friend's baby shower (we knew she was pregnant--hah!) when one of her friends announced to us, all of us--strangers like myself included--that she was pregnant. Like two or three days pregnant.

I guess she simply couldn't contain her excitement. And who can blame her? I know how elated (and scared) I was when my pregnancy was confirmed. Not to mention that this woman was surrounded by all things pro-baby--she probably got caught up in all the baby excitement like the rest of us at the shower.

Still, I wonder how she would have felt had something gone wrong. With so many pregnancies not going as planned it is entirely possible a woman's good news will turn into not so good news.

Practice says we don't speak of pregnancy until it sticks and we don't speak of miscarriage at all. I find this practice totally befuddling. Wouldn't we want people to care for us and help us through a difficult time? If you are pregnant and no one knows, then lose the pregnancy, no one knows that either. Then you suffer alone. And that is a terrible place to be.

I have another pal who recently discovered she was pregnant and whose pregnancy is not progressing as she'd thought it would (I told her that NO one's pregnancy goes as smoothly as they planned!). She called to tell me the good news then to get my ear for her concerns about some tests that had been run.

All seems to be well now, but I am glad she took the high road and told me (in the strictest of confidence, of course) about both the pregnancy and the possibility that it wouldn't stick. That way she'd have someone to talk to, who would listen to her and who could comfort her.

I just don't get this seemingly antiquated notion that we shouldn't share our pregnancy news until we know for sure it's going to stick. I mean, really? There is NO guarantee that any pregnancy will work out until the baby is in your arms. Trust me, having been pregnant I thought about that the whole nine (ten) months and worried, worried, worried.

So what do you guys think? Did you tell people your good news right away or did you wait? Do you think it's old school to not share pregnancy news until after the first trimester?

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.