Pregnancy: when do you share the good news?

Personal preference. I always thought I would wait months to tell people, but when I finally became pregnant after 2.5 years of trying, I was so gobsmacked I couldn't contain myself and told basically everybody in sight. I was about five weeks along then. Thank goodness it all worked out. Pregnancy sure is worrisome.

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With this child (#3), I was showing at ten weeks. There was no waiting for us. :)

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We told our closest of friends and family so that we had that support in case anything did happen. I waited till 5 months also to tell my work because I work in a male dominated industry. I'm glad I waited on that because I did feel like people treated me differently.

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HI, Maya--thanks for your comment. It brings to light an interesting debate. Do you (all of you) think that women are treated differently once they become pregnant or have a baby? I know the moment I told people at work the first thing they said was "are you coming back?" No one would question a man about such things.

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I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face. People just freakin' *knew* I was pg.

That, and I can't lie worth a flip, so if someone asked me if I had a bun in the oven, that stupid grin came back and I couldn't say "no" if I tried. :P

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I also kept a pregnancy secret at work because of job concerns. I was being considered for a promotion and I wanted to wait until after the decision was made before I told anyone. That way, if I didn't get it, no one could claim the person making the decision had discriminated against me. Unfortunately, there was a hiring freeze, so I had to stay in the job I already had.

To answer Jota's question, yes, I absolutely believe I was treated differently once I admitted the pregnancy. I was the one female on my shift with a dozen men. Once I announced the pregnancy, I suddenly got more than my fair share of teasing, usually focused around the availability and effectiveness of birth control (even though I was in my late 20s and I'd been married for two years already), my supposed need to "eat for two", and my size ("You sure you're not having twins?") It sounds worse than it is, but it happened. Suddenly, men with children my age started calling me "mother".

One guy tried to tell me I couldn't drink my hot chocolate because it contained caffiene. I ignored him.

There was also some nicer stuff. They wouldn't let me lift heavy objects, even when they really weren't that heavy. One guy started taking over one of my nightly calibration tests because he was concerned about my potential exposure to some chemical.

They were all men, so I didn't get "Do you know what you're having?" or anything like that. Usually, that question came from women.

I did get asked if I was coming back, because that hiring freeze was followed by layoffs. If I wasn't coming back, that was one less person they'd have to lay off.

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I waited exactly 2 minutes before calling my mom to tell her. Of course I lucked out in that she had been up for about 2 minutes, I guess after my brother died a couple weeks earlier I wanted to give her something. As for work, did not wait either as I worked in a lab with various chemicals that have potentially have not only mutagenic but tetragenic properties and I wanted to be very careful in not working with worrisome chemicals. Well, I did try to keep it local by only discussing that with the chemist I was working with.

The rest of the world waited until they asked. I do think that all kinds of things can happen and sometimes its harder to explain why your bump did not appear then to show off your baby. I cringe when I see my neighbor who told me about her future baby only to realize that no baby materialized. I don't want to ask as I am sure it hurts, and I don't know her well enough to give much comfort since there are other things we should talk about first - like our kids.

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We waited until 12 weeks (after our first ultrasound) to tell our friends, co-workers, and most of our family. My mom had guessed at 10 weeks because of something I said.

Though it was hard to keep it a secret for that long, I'm glad we did. I'm a somewhat private person, and the idea of having to explain a miscarriage to acquaintances would be upsetting to me. Also, it was kinda fun to have a happy secret just between my husband and myself. How often do you get such a happy thing to have between the two of you? We relished that period. Well, at first... as we got closer to the twelve week mark, I was getting a bit anxious to share!

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When you come from a very superstitious and old-fashioned family who has something to say about everything, and where bad news spreads like wildfire, while good news rarely gets mentioned, it's just best to wait until you can't possibly hide it any longer. God-forbid something goes wrong with your pregnancy, it will end up being your fault, and the support you need won't be found. This will be my third, but my two current children are pre-teens, so obviously to my in-laws I am a fool. Good luck to all.

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Waiting for the first trimester to pass safely isn't just superstition. Miscarriages in the first trimester are quite common (20%) - speaking from experience, it is heartbreaking to share the news early, only to have to tell everyone you've told there won't be a baby.

Of course there are no guarantees about any pregnancy, but waiting for your first trimester to pass improves the odds considerably.

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Since I am a cop, I chose to go on light duty right away, and this meant telling my Sgt. No hiding anything after that!

I have to say though, the men and women I work with were amazing. They took great care of me, were very considerate, and make me feel like I was doing the most amazing thing! I think the way your work treats you depends on the type of job - most law enforcement people are pretty family friendly, and they all had kiddos of their own, so that was great. We work so closely together so much of the time, these people really are like your second family.

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You know, I always thought that I would wait to tell people that I was preggers, but when it happened,I told everyone right away. I just felt that if something were to go wrong, it is those very people that I shared my early joy with who I would want to share my grief with should it not end well...luckily everything went great, but I think I'll do it the same next time too...one way or another, the situation is just better when it is shared with those you love!

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I waited until we heard the heartbeat to announce our second pregnancy to my coworkers. But my nearest and dearest friends new after the first positive pg test. There had been about four miscarriages in our company over the last year, and it felt like bad luck to keep the news to ourselves just in case our baby died as well. So we brought in cookies.

Luckily I work at a company where they regularly hire or promote noticeably pregnant ladies. Nobody assumes you'll quit your job, though I am before this new miracle pops out. They provide a lactation room here that almost all the new mothers use for months, and they're pretty flexible with hours for appointments and such.

I'm one of only two people to resign to become a stay-at-home mom since I started here 4 years ago.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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My personal preference is to wait. I remember 7 years ago, my best friend got pregnant for the first time. They had just moved into a new house, so I'd come over on the weekends, and we'd work on the baby's room, child proofing, or hunting for baby bargains. And of course, they shared their good fortune with everyone.

She started having problems around 10 weeks, and eventually lost the baby around 15 weeks. It was really hard on her when people who knew that she had been pregnant, but didn't know she lost the baby commented how slender she was for a pregnant woman, and didn't they wish they were as lucky.

As turns out, she's one of those women who can carry into the second trimester, but not too much past that. That was one of the reasons I only announced on a need to know basis prior to the beginning of my third trimester. (And I was not visibly pregnant until close to 8 months, so it worked.) I didn't want to announce it to everyone and then deal with well meaning comments from acquaintances while I was grieving if I had a miscarriage.

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I am with Eva. I tried for 3 yrs to get preggo so when I could FINALLY say I was pregnant, boy did I!!!

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With my first three pregnancies, we told everyone right away. I kind of had to with my second and third because I started showing at just 12 weeks and with me being so tiny, there was no denying it. With my fourth, I told my parents and my brother as soon as I found out. Unfortunately I miscarried just a couple days later. I had my husband tell them because I just couldn't bare to tell them myself. When we finally get pregnant with our next, we plan on waiting till we're at least 3 months if not later.

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It is a very personal preference, no doubt. But I couldn't imagine dealing with the trauma of a miscarriage without having told anyone I was pregnant. What a horrible burden to have to carry alone, and in silence.

And the 12 week thing is no guarantee - I myself have miscarried at 13 and 16 weeks.

For each of my pregnancies, my policy has been to share the joy immediately, and deal with the sad times later if I must. For this pregnancy, I even had fun flashing the freshly positive test at a few co-workers, and had to refrain from blogging it (http://momm-eh.blogspot.com/2007/05/joys-of-may.html) until I could get home and at least tell my husband first!

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I told my immediate boss when I got pregnant the first time, which turned out to be a postive thing because I miscarried a few weeks after I told him and had to schedule a D&C -- I missed a whole week of work between finding out I had lost the babies (twins) and waiting for the surgery. My boss was great and sympathetic throughout the entire ordeal and let me take all the time I needed.

Now I'm 13 weeks into the second pregnancy and while some people here know (all bosses and a few co-workers), I just DON'T know how to tell the others... there's no natural way to bring it up! I'm already starting to show and my appetite came back with a vengeance so I think people are going to guess in a few weeks anyway. I feel like such a wuss. :)

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I think that it really depends on who you are telling. I mean, telling my dear friends is mostly okay in my book. I mean, if I have amiscarriage - they're going to know something is wrong with me. Then I have to back pedal.

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I told close family members and friends as soon as I found out. If (God forbid) I had
lost the baby I would have needed their support and someone to talk to, so how could I not share the news with them?
Even if I had not chosen to tell them they probably would have figured it out what with the morning sickness and all.

Jan www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com

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