Sharing the birds and bees with young children

My mom's theory (proven correct) was that everything you want them to EVER know about reproduction, sex and anatomy you need to teach them before they turn ten. After ten they won't ask questions and it'll all be giggles, like your boys. If they know the real answers by ten, they may not (or they may) come to you with questions anymore, but they will have the correct answers for others on the playground.

I put my 5yo son in a class taught at my UU church for kindergarteners. It covered anatomy, body safety, family varieties and family changes (birth, death, marriage, divorce, adoption), and also reproduction (yes, the real facts for a 5yo). I intend to answer questions as they come, and prompt them to come if they don't. Someone needs to know the facts out there in the wilds of the playground and I'd just as soon have it be my kids.

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When I was very pregnant with my younger daughter, my then 6-y-o son asked me loudly in the middle of a store where babies come from. I answered "sex" and my husband's jaw fell on the floor. My son quickly replied "You and Dad must have a lot of sex" and walked away. My husband laughed so hard he had to sit down in the store aisle.

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I've told my daughter who is 7 that babies come from God which I do believe. My words were "God decides, when you are married, if and when you will get pregnant". I did not want her thinking that she might someday soon suddenly become pregnant!

She asked when she was two how they get out of Mommy's tummy and when I explained to her to actual way, she says "Is it messy? Does is hurt?" Oh well, if I turned her off having babies for a good long time, I will be OK with that.

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My oldest is almost four, and understands basic anatomy, and the concept that babies grow in a woman's belly. We've explained the mechanics a few times regarding how the baby gets there, but I don't think she quite understood. :)

In our house, we've made a very concious effort to make talking about this topic as normal as the conversation aout elbows, because it really is. Watching Animal Planet can help make the conversations a little less weird sometimes as well (can't quite shake my own upbringing sometimes)

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We began answering questions as soon as the kids started asking them (which was quite young).

By now, between me and Animal Planet, they have it pretty well covered.

We've always talked about everything. If they don''t hear it from me, they'll hear it somewhere else and better they should have the facts than the myths.

If I were to say something like God decides to send you a baby when you're married, I'm not sure how I would explain the children born to unmarried mothers. Or have my child decide that sex is okay because "I won't get pregnant unless I'm married because mommy said so".

Then again, I live in a neighborhood where very young unmarried moms are all too common. I can't shelter the girls from what's right there in their faces.

I'd rather get it right the first time around.

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My children (ages 5 and 6) have recently been given a lesson on the birds and the bees with their hamsters. They saw them mating and I didn't know what to say. I said, "they are mating". Then they asked what that is so I said that "apparently they liked each other well enought to get married and have babies". (lol) A few weeks later, after 7 baby hamsters were brought into this world, the mother hammy tried to get into the father hammy's cage. When he saw this, my 6 yo son said, "Look Mom, she wants to get married again." hee hee

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My brother was eight years old (a late bloomer for our family) when he popped the question to me. I said, what's the difference between a boy and a girl? He demonstrated by making his right index finger point out, and making a hole with his left index finger and thumb. Then I said, well, you think about it. He thought about it, brought the two hands together, got this totally amazed look on his face, and pretty much understood.

My sister was only six when this came up. Before then, I had told her that after a man and woman get married, God may decide to create a baby inside the wife. She came up with her own idea that God makes the baby by assembling pieces of the food we eat. She thought "s-e-x" meant kissing. Fine, what's the hurry, right? But then the sister of her 5-year-old best friend got pregnant out of wedlock. She asked that girl's mother how such a thing could happen to a person who wasn't married yet. So that mom explained the basics to the five- and six-year-old. My sister came home and explained it to me. Whew - that was easy.

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We try to be as frank as we can with our son, so he will come to us with questions. We have friends who are pregnant or gave birth recently, and one set that just adopted an older child. My 2.5 year old picked up that the adoptive parents got their little boy after going on a plane, but our friend who gave birth most recently had a little girl. We've been trying to explain that all babies are carried inside their mama until they're strong enough to live outside her body and mamas can have a baby boy or baby girl. (He still thinks little boys happen when the mama goes on a plane.) Explaining adoption was a bit harder.

We'll be expanding on the specifics of how babies get here as he gets older, along with the risks and realities. The first time he has a chance to have sex, I don't want him to only be thinking "Woohoo! I'm so getting laid tonight!", but also "Is this a good idea?" before he starts something he didn't intend to (STD, unplanned pregnancy, or becoming one of those guys who will lead a girl on just for sex).

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