My neighbours left me a bag of poop

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Jul 30th 2007 4:30PM

I arrived home from a brief excursion away yesterday. Awaiting me: drooly toddler kisses, a disgruntled dog, an emptied vacuum cleaner and a giant bag of poop. Dog poop, to be specific, not toddler diapers, which makes the matter even more traumatizing. Left on my lawn.

I wrote last week about how my dog had escaped in the night and pooped indiscriminately in the yard of my (very proper) new neighbours. I have to admit that I have been remiss in dropping over that box of chocolates as an added apology, but I have been very diligent in ensuring that Jordi has remained inside the house and every morning I take him across the street and well into the forest to poop (and then duly clean up with my neat little dime-store baggies). I know for a fact that nary a dog log has been dropped in their yard by my dog in over a week.

But I returned home yesterday to observe the perplexing appearance of a giant black garbage bag in my yard, neatly placed at the periphery of the grass I share with my neighbour's backyard.

"Weird," I said to my Mom,"How long has that been there for?"
"Three days,"she replied,"I think it might be a hint."
"You think she's put Jordi's poop in there and left the garbage bag out? But no, I offered to clean it the day she came over and she said not to bother because the rain had already disintegrated it."

I snuck over to the bag and furtively untied the knot -- peered inside, just to be sure. Grass clumps, dirt -- and was that...nearly disintegrated dog poop? Did she scoop up the dog poop she would not let me clean, pitch it in a garbage bag and then throw it on my lawn while I wasn't home? But why? I have to be clear: my neighbour, though clipped herself, has a very untidy yard. It would have taken a lot of hard work to amble around and scoop up shrinking poop shrapnels to put in a garbage bag for me. And there wouldn't have been very much: my dog escaped one night only.

I have always had very nice, keep-to-myself kind of neighbours in the past. It seems a little different here, in this street of quiet, dignified older people. I kind of think that we are regarded with suspicion: my odd little misnumbered family. That's OK. I still want to be friendly with people: this, after all, is where my son will grow up.

So, do I put the poop and shrapnel bag back in her yard? Ask them about the symbolism behind the garbage bag? Or just quietly haul it away and forget about that plate of cookies?

Comments (15)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

bremarie03 7-30-2007 @ 5:00PM

If you're interested in keeping the peace, I think you should just toss the bag and forget about it. It seems like a very childish and passive-aggressive move on your neighbors part, but I don't see what can be gained by mentioning it or tossing it back on her property.

I wouldn't worry about being too profuse in your apologies anymore, though. Keep the cookies for yourself.

Shannon 7-30-2007 @ 4:45PM

I'd send her a thank you card. But I'm bitchy that way. I mean really, you offered to clean it up! I don't know, it depends on how confrontational you are. But don't walk on eggshells just because of her. She is the NEW neighbor, after all!

~Monica 7-30-2007 @ 5:26PM

LOL, this happened to us once when we were renting a basement suite in a house that did not have a fenced in yard ... only our neighbours dropped all the poop on the front doorstep and there was no bag - just poop - as plain as day smeared all over the step. We decided to go over and politely discuss the issue with our neighbour seeing as it was the first we had heard of it - we were wanting to be more than accommodating of course. Unfortunately as polite as we were, they had already decided they wanted to take the low road and just be angry and rude right to our face.

I'd say take the high road, chuck the bag in the garbage, be diligent about Jordi pooping elsewhere, and then if you ever end up with another bag from them, head on over to their place for a discussion and let them know that unless they can provide you with proof (dated video footage) then they'll be getting their poop bag back and you'll be filing the issue with Bylaw Enforcement. They won't be able to do a dang thing with Bylaw Enforcement unless they have solid evidence (other than just a bag of poop) but YOU will be able to hit them up for what they're doing to you. They're already showing how immature and outrageous they're being.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like this! I hope you can get the yard fenced and gated soon so you have even more proof that if they find anymore poop, it's not Jordi's!

Lauren 7-30-2007 @ 5:54PM

Yeah, this lady is a hag. I would not encourage her, and just throw it all away and avoid her like the plague. She obviously needs to grow up a bit, and until she does, just let it go.

Kimberly 7-30-2007 @ 10:35PM

I agree that the lady is a hag and that you should just forget about it (this time). (I know, odd for me to encourage the moral highroad, but what can I say, personal growth and all.)

I just wanted to address a throwaway line, however. Your family may very well be odd. In fact, I hope it is, since odd families are ever so much more interesting, but it is NOT misnumbered. Nor is it unbalanced, or broken, or any of the other adjectives people are going to insist on applying to it. It is your family. Period. And that makes it perfect. Period.

Kelly 7-30-2007 @ 8:13PM

Ha! I've been the passive aggressor before. After asking my tenants three times in writing to clean up their dog's poop to no avail, I started scooping it myself and leaving it on their back steps. It didn't work, they still don't clean up after their dog.

I suggest tossing the bag and bringing over cookies. It will work in your favor one day when they do something to piss you off. However, if the behavior continues, I suggest confronting them.

Eva 7-30-2007 @ 7:44PM

I agree with Kimberly. I know you are insecure about being a single mother, and I know it's hard--my mom was one. But that doesn't make your family less-than.

Also, that lady is crazy. Ignore her.

Cathy 7-30-2007 @ 9:50PM

#3 the cookies will work best. Make them very brown - chocolate- chocolate chip..

SKL 7-31-2007 @ 12:36AM

You know those yard ceramics or whatever . . . those silly gnomes or mushrooms . . . does anyone sell one that looks like a squatting dog?

If so, buy one on eBay and sneak over there at night and plant it in the middle of her front lawn. Perhaps surrounded by those fake dog droppings they sell for practical jokes.

I mean, yeah, it was rude for your dog to dump in their yard and it would be rude if you let him do it again. But for the first offense, for which you apologized, that lady's behavior was uncalled for. She needs a memorable token of her wittiness.

I probably wouldn't ACTUALLY do that - unless I got a really deep discount on eBay - but it would be fun to imagine it.

Eric 7-30-2007 @ 10:58PM

Mail it back to her. Get a nice box, put some newspaper in it, and put everything from her bag into the box. Seal it up, drop it in the post...

Jonathon 7-30-2007 @ 11:00PM

I think you should make her chocolate logs that look like dog poop instead of cookies.

Kristin 7-31-2007 @ 3:12AM

I love all the spiritedness, thanks folks!

I pitched the garbage bag but am not bringing over treats. Unless they are shaped like logs. Also hoping she does not read parenting blogs very often.

Amy 7-31-2007 @ 6:34AM

You should have put it on their doorstep and lit it on fire! What's the big deal? If people are going to be that uptight about a little poop, they should not be living in a normal neighborhood. Shit happens;)

Tina 7-31-2007 @ 9:54AM

I have a child, and do not want to walk in my yard and have her step in poop...Some people with dogs just don't get it. (Yes, it happens, but clean it up !)It's vile and disgusting. Perhaps another dog is pooping in her yard and she thinks it's Jordi? If it happens again, I'd tell her you haven't let Jordi over in her yard since the other incident-period, so it isn't him. Then I would let it go. Even though I love dogs and grew up with dogs, ad watch my mom's dog all the time- I don't want dog poop in my yard, either.

Meg 8-01-2007 @ 11:53AM

I think you should just throw the bag away and the next time you see your neighbor, apologize AGAIN (do not mention the bag) and reassure her you have taken steps to keep it from ever happening in the future.

Someone in our neighborhood has started letting their dog poop in our brand new front-yard garden bed, where we've been growing edibles like blueberries and lettuce. The reason we DON'T have a dog is because we hate picking up dog poop -- we sure don't want to pick it up when we don't even HAVE A DOG. In my opinion, there's nothing ruder or more inexcusable than letting your dog poop in someone else's yard. Obviously, you did all you could at the time -- not knowing it had happened, you immediately offered to clean it up when you found out. But you're still the one most in the wrong here, and you should keep your tail between your legs a bit longer, throw the bag away without a word, and make sure it never, ever happens again!

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