Multiple miscarriages

I thank God for no having to go through this, but I do feel horrible for the women and men that have to deal with this situation. I kept a journal online over my pregnancy and everytime I even mentioned having morning sickness or just being tired (which lasted the entire time) some hateful person would comment that I was ungreatful and had no respect for those that couldn't conceive or have and ended badly. I almost cried that someone thought me expressing what exactly I was experiencing meant I was ungreatful and disrespectful. You are right, there are many good deserving parents out there. It's a shame to see all of these horrible, trashy people will their clan of kids they don't deserve.

I don't really know of where they could find a support group, but I do offer my deepest condolences and many prayers for that perfect baby to finally arrive in their lives.

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I suffered a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with my son. It was hard for me because I was alone in a new city and my husband happened to be out of town on business. I never forgot the miscarriage and even though I have my son, I still think about it and feel sad. The funny thing is many women I knew and met started coming out and saying they also had miscarriages. Some happened 30-40 years ago, and their family members did not know until now. My mom could never have children, and she and my dad adopted my brother and then me. I remember my mom telling me she had to have a hysterectomy early which meant she could never bear children of her own. I am thankful my mom and dad had enough love to give me as an adopted child. I knew that even if I did not have the opportunity to bear my own child, I would inevitably adopt. Please know we are out here no matter if it's one miscarriage or several. The hurt is still the same. Take care.

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I found the hardest part of multiple miscarriages being the unknown. After 2 miscarriages, I was referred to an RE who ran almost every test imaginable. I had 3 and 4 while in his care. After 4 and no diagnosis, I was referred to a recurrent miscarriage specialist. I had never heard of this before. At the time, 3 years ago, she was possibly the only one in the US. She ran more tests and I although I still didn't have a diagnosis, I felt cared for and understood. The best, non-doctor resource I found was the book, "Coming to Term." It contained a lot of good information without being too sappy or too clinical.

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There is a large infertility (both primary and secondary) blog universe, and it is an amazing support system. I know it well, as I've suffered multiple miscarriages after having my son in 2002.

A great place to start is Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com). The proprietress is a former Stirrup Queen herself (a much better name than infertile) and a writer. She maintains a huge blogroll of other blogs that cover every aspect of this sad and painful experience (including adoption, male factor, donor egg, IVF, IUI, PCOS, multiple miscarriages, etc.), plus references to information for research.

When things have been very dark for me emotionally, the support system I've found in the blogosphere has been invaluable. And writing my own blog about my experiences has helped as well.

Adrienne (www.maxsmommy.blogspot.com)

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I don't have a lot that I feel I can offer, my own mother had two miscarriages before getting pregnant with me and says about them that "Probably miscarriages are a blessing." Part of her saying that is her ambivalence about having the miscarriages and subsequent D&C, part of it is the experience of an older woman. Often the older women have an almost Reaper wisdom about life and babies that is quite troubling and saddening to the younger set, and definitely not nostalgic (unlike old men who get softer). Maybe most of us are as cold as that is how we protect ourselves from the pain and sorrow that life throws our way far too often.

That being written (said), I think that Neonatal Doc's latest entry on loss of a premature baby and miscarriage might be a comfort since its heartfelt, from a doctor, and kind : http://neonataldoc.blogspot.com/

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Before I had my first son, I had 2 losses - at 8w and 14w. Between my 2nd and 3rd son, I had 3 more losses, all about 7w along. Since I met my current husband, we have lost 5 babies between 6-8w. Plus many more early (chemical) losses.

I read once that it will take 2 years to get over a loss. Some days I feel like I won't live long enough to get over my grief, so many babies lost.

There is loss poetry, articles and a book list (though old now) at Shattered Dreams - http://borntolove.com/miscarriage.html

I also have a blog on Miscarriage at Life Begins... - http://born2luv.blogspot.com/

I also found a wonderful support group in Ontario that we attended and got great support and friendship - Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario - http://pbso.ca/

Two books that helped me, deal specifically with educating parents to help prevent miscarriage. In his book, Dr. Stefan Semchyshyn (along with Carol Colman) is proud of a 97% success rate with his program - "How to Prevent Miscarriage, and Other Crises of Pregnancy".

Dr. Johnathan Scher (along with Carol Dix) offers developments in medical science for the prevention of recurrent miscarriage - "Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News".

BTW, I had all the recurrent loss testing done - twice - no reason was ever found. At first they said I was too young, then they said it was just bad luck. Now they tell me I am too old. I was never the RIGHT age, I guess...

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I suffered 6 miscarriages between 4 and 18 wks when I was married to my x husband. When he and I divorced he became a father to a very cute son. So I thought it was "me"

When I married my second(and forever husband!) I wanted to make sure that "I" was ok. After some initial tests and questions it was determined that I would "need help getting and staying pregnant" By this time I was honestly fine with never having children. So we began making plans for our child free life. I was now older and entrenched in my career. Then low and behold. I got pregnant.

After dealing with severe kidney stones(in my first trimester) morning sickness to beat the band for 37 of the 38 weeks I carried her. And an abundance of fibroids I delivered, via c sect a healthy and intelligent daughter.

It wasnt an easy road. And my outlook on life is much different than many other womens and most of the other posters on Parentdish. But I know now that the powers that be meant for me to have this child with my current husband. Not the boy I was married to when I was younger.

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I have had multiple miscarriages. It took us 5 years and two losses (yes, it took that long to conceive only to lose the pregnancy)before we had my beautiful daughter. We suffered another loss before her brother was born. I sought treatment from a reproductive endocrinologist and cannot encourage couples enough to seek one out. We didn't go through fertility treatments, we never needed to because he ran all of the tests my OB never thought to do and diagnosed me with PCOS. With the help of a diabetic medication and a change in my diet I was able to conceive. I NEVER would have thought that my insulin levels would be causing my infertility.

As far as support groups go I often would hit various bulletin boards online.

I do have to offer a word of caution though. The grieving process is very painful, and I'm sure every person is different. However I found that I had to STOP seeking out all these reminders of my loss. If I read one more article, blog entry, book, website, or had one more person tell me about their losses I thought I was going to scream. I found it was helpful immediately following the miscarriage but that it became too easy to be sucked in to grieving and feeling worthless rather than actively taking steps to address the issues.

Do I still mourn my losses? Of course I do. I think about the other children I could have had. I think about the sheer number of pregnancies I have had and I'm sad. But I also know I have to live in the moment for the sake of the children I do have so that my wish can fully come true.

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I have suffered 2 losses after struggling with infertility. I found support at http://www.nationalshareoffice.com. There are different message boards for different stages of loss as well as live chats. There are some wonderful people there always willing to listen and offer comfort and advice when needed. Even though there were a lot of heartbreaking stories, I found it helpful to know that I was not alone and that there was still hope for me.

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(pssst: you got Christina's last name wrong.)

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