Fifty-fifty parenting?

Filed under: Just For Moms, Babies, Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Activities: Babies, Places To Go, Development/Milestones: Babies, Sex

We got an inquiry from a reader about an interesting parenting philosophy. Her friend with a ten-month-old came to visit her and her three- and one-year-olds. Her kids were playing in their sandbox and she went to put the ten-month-old in as well, asking if it was okay. The response she got floored her.

"My friend said that the sandbox was off-limits because she would have to ask her husband first," she says. "They have a rule in their house that neither of them can do anything new with their daughter unless they ask the other one first." The friend went on to say she didn't have a problem with it, but reiterated that "she would need to discuss it with her husband before her daughter could play in the sand."

Our reader ended up letting her kids play in the sand while her friend just held her daughter on her lap and watched. She noted that her husband has full confidence in her parenting abilities; they don't have to check with each other before doing something. One of the other writers here commented that if she asked her husband about everything, he would divorce her.

Rachel and I are more like that. I certainly have no doubts about her abilities (she handles twenty kids at a time every day just fine) and, well, I haven't gotten the kids killed yet. We pretty much had the same views on parenting going in to this, so we don't worry too much. What's the point of entering into a partnership with someone if you can't trust them to handle their side of things on their own?

I'm going to come out and say that if this works for you, then congratulations, but I don't think it's a sustainable model for the long term and I don't think it's all that healthy for the kid -- they're probably missing out on a lot in order to wait for a decision from the committee. What do you think? Have you heard of this before? Does this seem like something you'd be interested in?

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.