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Second Time Around: Holding your tongue with first-timers
Filed under: Your Pregnancy
My prenatal yoga class was a mix of first and second-time moms-to-be. Some of us would go out for coffee after class and the second-timers would immediately start chatting about the various things we tend to: tantrums, daycare woes, our first labour experiences, etc. "Stop!" one yoga buddy begged, "I haven't read that part of the book yet!" Oh yes, now I remembered. Once upon a time, I was totally terrified of birth too.On Sunday I had a minor fender bender. While waiting in the triage of the L&D floor, (We're all fine, thanks.) I heard a first-timer come in. She was breathing heavily and moaning, and I could sense her fear. "I wonder how the nurse knew that my contractions were getting closer together..." Um, she checked the monitor honey.
The nurse came back in and was rather condescending. "Did you take your classes? Do you know what's about to happen?" A mumble returned an unsure, Yes. "And do you know about epidurals? What do you think of them?"
"Um, I think... yes?" The nurse nodded in approval. "Yes, they are very good." Then she turned on her heel and left the poor woman there to wallow in her fear. My own experience with the epidural drugs was not good, as I had many of the side effects I had chosen to overlook when making my initial decision. I overheard that she was only two centimetres dilated. I wanted to scream -- wait for the epidural until you are 4 cm! At least you can walk now and use gravity in your favour! At least you can feel what's happening to your body! But I held my tongue. Like snowflakes, every birth is different.
I wanted so desperately to pull back the curtain and reassure her. "You don't know it right now, because you're just concentrating on the birth and how much it will hurt, but at the end of all this YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! And that is so the best part!" I wanted to give her my knowledge, to help her concentrate on the impending first meeting with the babe, but I just lay there, silently. She would have her own realizations and her own journey and nothing I could say would matter.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
8-16-2007 @ 1:31PM
Eva said...I know just what you mean. I have a raft of friends pregnant for the first time right now, and they keep buying all these dumb baby things they don't need, or stuff they should wait to find out more about their baby first, and they have all these birth plans and theories about when the baby will come. It's pretty funny, but I just keep quiet.
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8-16-2007 @ 1:35PM
Ethel said...Why didn't you tell her what you were thinking? I could have used that kind of advice - or at least a "You can do this, it will be hard and it will hurt but you will be okay!" It would have made a huge amount of difference to hear that instead of silence and my husband's fretting.
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8-16-2007 @ 2:00PM
Nikki said...I would have told her, whether she wanted to hear it or not she needs to know. I HATED that everyone tried to keep me in the dark while I was pregnant with my son. But because I have to know everything about everything I studied every aspect of pregnancy and delivery. When I went into labor I was calm because I knew what to expect. Not long ago I got to inform my soon to be sister in law on labor and delivery. She was 8 months pregnant and didn't know what dialate means! She was going chapter by chapter in a pregnacy book and not asking her doctor anything. Her family wasn't telling her anything either, so it's a good thing she had me. If you don't tell a first time mom what to expect she's going to be extremely terrified and that doesn't help labor.
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8-16-2007 @ 3:49PM
rachel said...I was only 19 when I had my first son (now 2.5) and the best thing that anyone did to help me was to sign me up for Bradley classes. The classes are aimed at natural childbirth, but they are also (IMO) the Best out there for letting you know what is going to happen to your body during labor. I still remember how shocked and somewhat impressed the nurses were, but mostly I remember that I wasn't scared, the classes gave me the knowledge I needed to get past the innate fear of the unknown. I did wind up giving birth naturally with my son, and more recently with his baby brother, I love the Bradley classes!
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8-16-2007 @ 8:51PM
Marcia said...I also did a ton of research over my pregnancy. I knew what was going on and if I had been in a position to explain to another woman what was going on, I probably would've had she been alone. As for the classes mentioned, I didn't take one class. I think they're fine for some people, but I work full time and barely had time to make dinner and shower. My doctor asked me at every visit if I started classes yet and I would just tell him no that I was studying up on everything on my own.
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8-16-2007 @ 11:19PM
brandi said...Well I never got around to taking the classes but I understood the concept of labor and all the other goo dstuff what I wasn't prepared for was a C-Section and unfortunalty I listened to all the people who said dont have one they force it on you.. blah blah blah... Not that some doctors dont do that but now I know there are certain situations that do call for a c-section. At 27 weeks I had an emergency c-section due to HELLP syndrome and the only advice I would give is yes have a plan but be prepared for other things to so your not totally lost like I was! There are certain situations where following your specific birth plan may not be whats best.. Do all the research not just half like I did!
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9-26-2007 @ 8:20AM
Colleen said..."better for ya" is yet to be determined, but... try having a ten pound turkey comin out ya, and see what you opt for.. its not fun lemme tell ya but she was healthy and now (thank god)is a senior in high school (highhonors) but still no common sense. my younger child with adhd mind you is the child that has the common sense.
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