Witnessing abuse

Wow. Obviously she thinks it's totally okay to do that, as she did it a second time after the woman came out of the stall. Was this like a slap across the face or a spank on the bottom?

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I am totally against spanking. But even if I was pro-spanking, one year is far too early. Even my dad, a staunch pro-corporal punishment advocate, says smacking children under three is cruel and pointless. They're too young to understand at that age.

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This is exactly why we chose not to hit Margot. I literally can't stomach the idea of hitting my children, no matter the reason.

That would be a difficult situation to watch, and even more difficult to address - because really, what would you do? Say something? I am sure it would not be well received, and realistically, the police would not get involved with a report like that. It really boggles my mind that there are still people out there that think it is ok to hit a baby. Just awful.

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I find it very frustrating to see the judgemental and narrow viewed opinions time and time again whenever an issue like this comes up. It is not illegal to spank, and has been a legitimate form of discipline for thousand of years. I was spanked as a child, turned out great, no therapy required. I spank my children, but it is a tool I use, not my sole method of discipline. It is used along with time outs, taking away privileges, etc. I have very well behaved, well adjusted kiddos who know they are loved, and are secure in knowing the boundaries in their lives. Spanking should be done in a calm manner, so that the child relates the punishment with their action, as opposed to yelling and screaming while spanking, which just confuses them and makes them feel like you are taking anger out on them.
The situation in the restaurant seems like the mother was doing just that. She wasn't yelling, she was comforting the child, but was still making them understand that they couldn't continue with their behavior. Everyone seems to get all worked up in a frenzy whenever an alternative
(ie. non-liberal) parenting style is seen. THIS WAS NOT ABUSE! From the comforting, quiet attitude that the parent was showing, this child probably lives in a very secure, safe home. But to clarify, if I saw ANYONE beating, screaming and abusing their child, I would be the first person on the phone to CPS.

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Once my son and I were leaving a store and passed a woman and child going in. The two of them were walking along, and the woman was ranting and screeching at the child at the top of her lungs. I didn't say anything, but my son, who was about 8 at the time, said, in his somewhat loud little boy voice, "Gee Mom, I'm really happy you don't talk to me like that."

The woman stopped dead in her tracks, went silent and watched us walk by. I'll never know, but I've hoped ever since that what he said perhaps made a light go off for that woman.

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I think that one is too young for a serious spanking. We do spank our kids, but only as a last resort, when everything else has failed. and only if it is a serious offense. Like something that can lead to dangerous behavior, I do not enjoy spanking them even when I do feel it is the only option left, we never do it when we are angry or upset. The main thing is that you do not do it to hurt them, just enough to get thier attention. At one, we give little had taps to let them know that they are not supposed to touch things. I think it is a personal decision, and you have to find what is going to work for your kids. The woman in the restroom was wrong. and I would have mentioned to someone, probably the mom herself, that there is no reason to spank a baby like that. And that generally if you are trying to get a child to stop crying then you should not spank them. the natural reaction is to cry. you can not spank and expect that sort of a reaction. My Aunt in Michigan back handed my cousin Mark and left welts for three days, yes not bruises but welts, it was the worst thing I had ever seen. She had her kids taken away, all but one. I am not sure why they would leave the one. Anyways, they went to my other aunts house and are happy and healthy now. Abuse should not go unreported, and if you are not sure, then you should call anyways. At least then if there is abuse it will be found.

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I wasn't there so I can't comment.

Let's just say I was there, knowing the kind of person I am, I would have said........how can I help, I would have made a noise to startle the momma. In her defense she was probably stressed out and took it out on the kid.

Geez, what a hard situation to be in for everyone involved especially the kid! :(

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"In her defense she was probably stressed out and took it out on the kid"

And that makes it ok????!!!!!

Sorry, but stress is a part of life. Slapping a child is just wrong.
What if that had been a daycare provider? What if the slap was seen at a public park and the child was not the adults own? Everyone would be screaming if that were the case. "Off with the adults head!!!!" "Someone should slap the woman and see how she likes it."

I would have said something to the mom, the resturant manager and called the police to report it. It was abuse. Plain and simple. If we dont sand up for the little ones who the hell will?!

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Sometimes my kids make me so mad and yes i want to spank them like no tomorrow, but as the adult I have better control over my emotions and I walk away. Sometimes if it's really necessary to spank I will but because my son takes or makes everything so dramatically I just raise my voice his screaming bloody murder.

But if I say someone hurting a child with no good reason damn straight I'll put my two cents, because here in Tucson police don't do anything and CPS is well lets say occupied sitting behind a desk looking dumb.

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Wait a minute I read one year old BABY! A BABY! Why would anyone hit a baby? Why would that ever be permissible? Babies don't learn like toddlers do (not that it makes it okay when they're older). I think, since it was an infant (kids are babies until 3 years) social services should have called right after 911 - the mom can explain herself to the authorities and dig herself out of the problem she is making for her child.

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And by the way my mother in-law is one of those women that watch her grand kids get abused for years until I started sticking my nose in to protect my nephews 8 cps calls later, 3 police reports and one case worker telling me to mind my business until the police came and finally stepped in and helped one of the kids from being beaten to death by my sister in-law and her scummy boyfriend.

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slap + one year old = danger. slapping is definitely out of control behaviour. and i think that i would have reminded the woman that although in canada you can discipline a child, if she leaves a mark, she could be charged with assault.
i would also assert as i work in child welfare, and make a joke she didn't want to be doing that is front of a CAS worker.

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That is a hard one. My husband and I were in a similar situation in a restaurant one evening. It was late and obviously the kid was tired, but the parents, although not slapping the kid in the face, spoke really really ugly to him and slapped his hand. They were really young and had maybe an 18 month old and a new born. I didn't want to seem pushy because I don't think that opens peoples minds. We just kinda stared at them with frowns on our faces to the father, the yeller, and sympathetic looks to the mom. She seemed to at least be taking the kid outside to calm him down.

We have both thought about that experience and talked about how we can handle it better next time.

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We spank but only when nessecary and I dont think my son ever had a spanking until he was almost four.... Seriously though we have a naughty chair and we use that and when he sits in it he screams as if someone is abusing him but he's in a a spot by himself.... However I have a one year old and the thought of even tapping him is ridiculous although sometimes I play with him and tell him if he doesn't stop I'm gonna get his hiney and I say it just like that playing but I dont even pop him.. he understands the word no and all we do is say his name sternly and say No-No and that enough for him to cry and come running to you to pick him up. But certainly if my children are having meltdowns I try to find out why? And how to make it better! There are lots of other avenues and options than just spanking. There should never be a reason for slapping a child in the mouth...

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I see a few red flags here. First, the parent was hitting her kid in public - that indicates a lack of self control. Second, if the child was really only about a year old, the parent could not have believed hitting the child would make the child behave better afterward, so what WAS she thinking? Sounds like a very immature, ignorant, or mentally ill person who was also under a lot of stress.

I like the idea of saying, "Is there anything I can do to help you?" This may help relieve some of the stress and give the parent a chance to benefit from a more mature / experienced person's insight into managing the situation.

Fortunately or unfortunately, a slap on the butt is legal in the US. And fortunately, it really won't cause any damage, emotional or otherwise, if it's an isolated incident. But my concern would be what is going on behind the scenes, and whether I had the power to do anything at all about that.

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Rachel, I kinda, maybe could be persuaded to look at it from your point of view for, like, a second or two. But then I remember that the estimated age of the child was ONE.

If a one year old is "misbehaving" it's because they're tired, are teething, having growing pains and/or every other thing that can make a one year old difficult on any given day.

Hitting them is not going to make them "understand" anything when they're that young. Slapping, then comforting, then slapping again is most definitely not helping either!

I've gotten the odd spanking myself and turned out OK, but I still don't think it's constructive and will try my best to avoid it for my own daughter.

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Wow, look at all the comments - I still can't get this incident out of my mind even a month later. Perhaps I should clarify - this woman slapped her daughter on the cheek - quite hard from the sound it made too - skin to skin contact - not a slap on the butt through a diaper.

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For those who would argue that "I was spanked and I turned out okay," would you also agree that "in my parent's day, seatbelts were optional (what car seats?) and I survived," so we should let our kids bounce around in the back of our cars?

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I replied the new post about abuse that I do spank but rarely and I think it's totally acceptable.. but in this case I do NOT think this is right. I would have never spanked my son at that age. I'm thinking a bit after he turned 2 though.. he slapped me in the face, on purpose. It was instinct and I slapped him back on the face. I felt HORRIBLE and kept saying I was so sorry, but he was just stunned. He didn't even cry.

He's 4 and he's never done it again :P

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Uncle Roger, since we started using car seats and seat belts, a child's chance of surviving a severe crash with nary a scratch has increased significantly.

In contrast, since spanking went out of style, a child's chance of growing to adulthood without causing or suffering any serious problems has decreased significantly.

The same parents who claim to care so much about the future of the planet are chipping away at our society's future through permissiveness.

Abuse is one thing, but REAL and proper and consistent discipline - up to and including spanking - is a kindness to a child and to those who will be around him.

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