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What do you think of Attachment Parenting?
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There's an interview up at ParentWonder.com with Dave Taylor, of the attachment parenting blog APparenting.com, which got me thinking about my days as a brand-new mom.
It's been a while, nearly 9 years. Back then, the idea of sleeping with your baby, or wearing them in Baby Bjorns or slings--things most often associated with Attachment Parenting (AP)--weren't particularly commonplace. I remember wearing Carter in a sling through the busy Salt Lake City airport, and the number of looks and comments I received made me turn to my husband Tom and ask, "What's wrong? Do I have something on my face?"
But for the most part, I happily embraced it all, because it felt right to me as a new mama, and since I was very much finding-my-way-as-I-went, it seemed like the only thing I could do.
Fast forward 4 years and when the twins arrived, it was much more difficult to AP. Someone was always wearing a baby--it just wasn't always me. Each baby got breast milk--only sometimes, it came from a bottle. They were on a schedule, from being in the NICU. They had bedtimes and nap times at regular intervals. Like I mentioned, there were many more hands than just mine caring for them. And it was terrific: the babies thrived, and it took a lot of the pressure off of me.
These days, I don't hear much about AP v. traditional parenting. Is it just because I'm out of the baby loop, or is it because like me with the twins, parents have decided to take and use the best of both worlds?
Thanks to Abel for the links and Ladyheart for the photo.










ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
8-30-2007 @ 5:11PM
http://sweetpot8o.blogspot.com/ said...Interesting question.
I think the AP concept was a reaction to the way most baby-boomers were raised; we were going to do things VERY differently than our parents did. Much about AP makes sense (and is common sense, really); some of it doesn't.
I followed AP practices when my daughter was a baby 6 yrs. ago and I definately think it helped strengthen our bond and my understanding of her needs. However, as she grew older and I grew more confident, I could take from it what worked and ignore what didn't work for our family.
As for why we don't hear much about AP anymore, I think that parenting has swung back toward the middle...toward balance and common sense.
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8-30-2007 @ 6:13PM
Julia said...Oh, AP is still going strong, I think it is just becoming more acceptable. Three years ago I had my daughter at home, wore her in a sling (and still do, just not as much), breastfed on demand (still nursing too, just not as much), rarely put her in a swing, she co-slept and still does, I waited on feeding her solids, and picked her up when she cried.
I don't think mainstream parenting is more "common sense" at all, if anything AP parenting is common sense.
I see so many woman (and men) wearing their babies and toddlers in slings, more women opting to breastfeed and for longer periods, more homebirths and more co-sleeping. Parents are trusting their insticts with their children instead of just raising them how they were raised, and that is common sense.
Hopefully the AP style of parenting will be the "mainstream" way to parent!
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8-30-2007 @ 6:46PM
Amy said...While I don't put a label on my style of parenting often, because what I'm doing with my kids is simply common sense to me. I breastfeed (actually, I'm tandem breastfeeding my just-turned-two-year-old and my five-month-old right now, which is unpleasant, but necessary). I feed on demand. We co-sleep. I'm a HUGE sling advocate (Kangaroo Korner's adjustable pouches are my favorites). I try to use positive discipline, within reason. I mean, sometimes you just have to give a swat on the butt or say a sharp, "NO!" followed by an exasperated, "Because I said so!" but I do my best to let my daughter make choices and learn natural consequences. I stay at home mostly (I work outside the home 10 hours a week, but I take the baby).
My mom parented me this way. She was one of the pioneers. For me, it just makes sense.
I used to be a lot more judgmental than I am now. Somewhere in the last two years I've learned that everyone has to do what works for them, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer for every family. Not even mine. What's right for me might not be right for you, and that doesn't make you wrong. Right? :)
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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8-30-2007 @ 7:32PM
Trisha said...I would have to say that I'm "in the middle" with a lot of other parents. You will see parenting all across the board and I say to each their own.
I used a sling, breastfed past a year and use positive discipline. But my daughter was "put" on a schedule because she THRIVED with one. I was open to a more flexible route but she needed more structure. She sleeps on her own because she would sleep best like that from infancy and now it's habit. I will probably vary with my next child- I try to take the best of both worlds and cater my "parenting style" to the "style" of my child.
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8-30-2007 @ 7:57PM
Ivory said...For us, we parent the way that comes most natural to us - holding our daughter when she cried, feeding her when she is hungry, sleeping with her because we all slept better, breastfeeding because it was cheap and easy, etc. Lucky us, there was a name for that, even though we did not know it at the time! I do like the Sears books, mostly because I do not walk away with smoke coming out of my ears in frustration, but we certainly did not buy them and study up on parenting before hand.
I really feel like some of the parenting advice that goes against AP is harder on parents (and kids) because it goes against our instincts - it plays into social and cultural norms (and taboos) rather than being led by what is truly best for our families. parenting books have their place, but like anything else, if you are not leading with your heart (or guts, or instincts - however you want to put it) than it is easy to be led astray.
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8-30-2007 @ 9:14PM
Anita said...I used the AP style of parenting with my second child because he was a very difficult baby and it worked. But after 6 months, I moved him out of my bed because he gave up sleeping and I needed my sleep. I continued to wear him in a sling for another ten months (he was a late walker) and breastfed for 13 months but I decided I was a better mom to both kids when I was well rested. And low and behold, he began sleeping through the night once he was in his own bed.
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8-31-2007 @ 8:52AM
Melissa said...I guess I'm an attachment parent. I just didn't know it was a philosophy until I had my second child.
My kids lived in a carrier until they could walk, not because I thought it was the proper way to parent, but because they weren't screaming and I could get stuff done. I co-sleep because I nurse and I needed sleep myself, and the kids slept better with me.
AP or other styles, whatever. . . I hope whatever people do, they do it because it feels right, not because of a method.
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8-31-2007 @ 5:20AM
Anji said...I dislike the term 'attachment parenting', even though I subscribe to its basic tenets.
So what are other parents - unattached parents? We are all attached to our children, we all practice 'attachment parenting' to a certain degree. By naming and compartmentalising parenting style we create divides rather than unifying parents as we should.
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8-31-2007 @ 9:34AM
M4Mommy said...never used a sling or carrier(she didnt like it)
Kicked her out of our room when she was less than 3 months old. Heck I think she was out of the room and in her own crib when she was less than a month old!
she really wasnt a "snuggly" kid. I could tell she wasnt feeling well because she wanted to be held.
Co sleeping. Nope. I have a friend that did that with her daughter who is a week younger than mine and she STILL doesnt have time alone in bed with her husband Nearly 5 YEARS LATER!
We have always had a schedule. Babies on up need one I dont care who says they dont. They do. I have seen, met and dealt with the ones that dont. Scary!
My daughter is independent and I wouldnt have it any other way.
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8-31-2007 @ 10:10AM
Jenna said...Yeah, if you're not hearing the debates, it's because you don't have a younger child. Trust me.
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9-01-2007 @ 2:32PM
Suzanne said...I agree with Jenna. The debates are loud and clear.
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9-06-2007 @ 11:08AM
Anya said...I have to say that I'm not impressed with children who have been AP raised. As a future mother, it saddens me to see some of the problems the children have because of it. It's more frustrating to see that their AP disciple parents are very much in denial about this.
AP theory requires that parents give up the boundary between parent and child. The discipline techniques, either distraction, reward conditioning, withholding or empathy seems very good on paper. But in practice, the children quickly learn that very little consequence will come of their behavior. This vacuum of authority is unsettling to children. Daily life becomes a power struggle as the child tries to assume some control. AP children are so used to having their needs met and immediate comfort of parents (bodies, breasts, etc.) that any stressful situation is difficult for them to cope with, without the constant presence of their parents. They need to be coached and rewarded constantly.
I see an absence of curiosity and independence with AP children. They feel comfortable treating their parents and other adults like peers. Tantrums, frustration, and fear are what I see in these children. Spending time with them is difficult because it's all about their behavior issues.
AP seems lovely but it's not. I'm not talking about people who just take the good from AP and apply it, this is full on AP as the only way to do things.
I used to be interested in AP but now I'm incredibly disillusioned. I don't think it's good for children. They need structure and boundaries. They need someone to tell them "no" once in a while, not just distract them or take a toy away if they're clobbering another kid with it.
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9-06-2007 @ 11:54AM
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