The morbid thoughts of Motherhood

*raises hand*

Since my son was born, at least a couple of times a week I daydream (er, daymare) various heartbreaking scenarios: I die, my husband dies, my baby dies, both my husband and baby die, etc... it's terrible! Before I became a mother the prospect of my own death never really freaked me out (I've never been at all religious, but always strangely at peace with the idea), but now that I'm a mother, I can no longer handle the thought! I wish I had some advice for you, but at least you can know that you're not alone. (And now I feel better that I'm not the only new-ish mother regularly facing this!)

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totally with you! I actually had my will drawn up before I went into the hospital to deliver baby No.2 because I was afraid I would die during labor. I'm terrified that if something happens to me my poor children will end up being raised by my in-laws, which is akin to them being raised by wild dingos!
I also have nightmares about someone coming into the house at night and taking my children, I wake up several times and check locks and children, even though we live in a great neighborhood. having children really keeps me on the razors edge of sanity!

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Absolutely.

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100 percent true.

I think these awful thoughts constantly. To the point where it can drive you insane. I'll never forget that mother on Oprah that made a video diary for her young daughter before she died. I think of that woman all the time. That is my biggest nightmare (after something happening to my girls) is that something will happpen to me.

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I am so glad you posted this, Kristin. About once a month I will work myself into a slight panic attack and cry my eyes out at the thought of my sweet girl growing up without her Mama. I also think about if something happens to both of us - it is almost too much to bear.

So you are not alone, and this actually helps ME to feel a little bit more normal! I think all parents think about it at times, but given my line of work, I see a lot of death and tragedy, and it is impossible to keep those scenarios from infiltrating my head. I hope it gets a little better as they get older.

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I think about this all the time, even moreso now that I am a newly single parent. Oh and in just reading Jennifer Graf Groneberg's post today, I'm prompted to see if the sunspot on my face or whatever the hell that discoloured skin on my upper cheek is a 'precursor to cancer' - ugh. Or what about all the other cancers I could be waiting to be diagnosed with? Too much.

I have laid in bed with a pain in my head thinking, what will he do if I die in my sleep from some undiagnosed brain aneurysm? Will he be scared and cry his eyes out for hours until someone finds me? Will my Mom know something is wrong and come to the house? I've even thought of making sure there is food and pre-made sippy cups in the fridge for him to reach. It's pretty sad but I think it's normal for us Moms to worry about this kind of stuff. As long as it does not become debilitating anxiety, it's all good ; )


http://www.raisinglucas.com

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I'm with you on this one. A bigger fear for me is having one of my children die, and it's been nerve-wracking being pregnant with #2, worrying constantly about a miscarriage, now about preterm labor. It was such a big panic for me, they had to put me on Zoloft again. I couldn't relax. Now I have nightmares and daymares that something happens to my husband. Of course it's all irrational and doesn't do any good to dwell on it, but it does make me hug my loved ones tighter.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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I hope this helps, but try to reverse that thinking - FORCE yourself to think of how you want it to go. I struggle with this every day and it is almost debilitating. You can turn around your thoughts and it is hard. My baby (5yrs) got on the school bus today for his 1st day at kindergarten, it was hell for me. Every time a bad thought creeps in, yell at it to go away and then think about how it WILL go, stick to facts and reality and really try not to "daymare" (kerrielynbaldwin I have never heard of that!) sorry that you are feeling this way. I went to counselling to change my way of thinking and it helped. She retrained me to not think this way. and it was before I had kids, but it did get worse when I had them for sure.

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Me too.....oh, me too. It's terrible. What if I get cancer? What if I die and my boys are too young to remember how much I adored them? What if one of my children dies? What if my husband and I both die and my HIDEOUS, CLASSLESS, MEAN inlaws challenge my Mom for custody? What if my kindergartner goes to the bathroom at school by himself and a big kid comes in and does something terrible to him? I can't participate in carpool because what if the other Mom gets into a wreck and my child gets killed? And on and on and on and on and on.......Zoloft helps me though.

We had an alarm system put in because I couldn't stop getting up and making sure that my children were still in their beds throughout the night. We have a lot in common Amanda! I've always thought that I was crazy for having thoughts like this...it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Thanks for the post Kristin!

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This is a normal part of motherhood, it seems.

My mom died of cancer when I was 17, so I'm terrified that I'll get cancer and die before my daughter grows up too. I try not to obsess about it, but it's a worry that is always lurking.

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Good thoughts for a speedy recovery!

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Marcie - I know just the Oprah/video that you're talking about. So heartbreaking....and a huge fear of mine as well. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

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Ugh....totally normal.

Unfortunately I have a friend with two littles the same age as mine who was tragically killed in a car accident about 10 months ago. Her youngest was under a year old. That situation has literally thrown my worst fears into overdrive. I think we all have that fear, but know it can't really happen.......until it does. It's a truly terrible horrible thought.

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I've been offline for almost two weeks and almost missed this.

Wishing you the best.

Ann

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Whew-I thought I was the only one-AND crazy for it. Thankyou Kristin and thanks for comments validating that I am not alone.

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OMG, I think about my pending death almost daily on the bus ride to work. Most of my focus is on what will happen to my daughter and husband if I pass away. Will my republican parents fight for custody and win because my husband is a stay at home dad without income. Will he have to sell our house to have money to support them and will my father let him since he is part owner of the house?

I went thru 3 surgeries after birthing my daughter at the beginning of the year and swear I can not face having another baby in fear of dying during the birth.

I NEVER used to think about death. I always felt I'd just float away on the wind as dust and be no more. Now I turn to wondering if there is a heaven and if I will be able to watch her if I pass.

Darn I need some good mental health treatment...

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I always wonder if my son would remember me...
And if he did, what he would remember.

Would he remember me snuggling with him? Or would he remember me snapping at him when he did something frustrating for the 50th time that day...

I know that even without me, he has wonderful people who would take care of and raise him. But I always come back to wondering what he`d remember about me, if anything at all. That`s what breaks my heart. I have a friend whose mother died when she was 4. She barely remembers her, and what she does remember is when she broke something and felt really bad and was yelled at. It scares me so much that my son would forget me if I died.

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