Pumping at work
For the last few weeks I've undertaken the daunting task of trying to pump at work. I have an office with a door, which I didn't have at my last place of employment, so I should feel a little more privacy. I should also feel more comfortable since I can pump there rather than behind those closed door in a cramped--and let's face it, dirty--toilet stall.
As the days have gone by I've come up with little tricks and things to do to make the process as comfortable as possible, given how very unnatural it is. When I first started pumping ages ago I couldn't achieve let down--it just wasn't the same as being with my baby and, frankly, I felt like a cow.
Now that I've made peace with the pump, with its unnaturalness, with feeling like a milk machine, the only thing I have to contend with is how weird it feels to pump at work. I mean, it's one thing to have your boob hanging out around the house or to expose your bra, or, heck, to expose yourself in general, but it's a very different thing to do it at work, even behind closed doors.
I get the strangest feeling I'm being watched, even though I know I'm not (although there is mention that the house in which I work is haunted, so who knows!). I feel like someone could barge through the door at any minute, even though it's locked. And I feel like I'm imposing by not having the door open all the time--in my line of work I need to be available to people.
Yet, despite all this, I've made great strides towards pumping enough breastmilk and often enough for my baby. And that feels pretty good. There were so many times when I thought, gee, this is NEVER going to work. But the truth is if you keep at it, and are consistent, you will see results.
I just hope I don't have to have the conversation about what I'm doing behind closed doors twice a day with my very new male boss. I don't think he'd mind--and certainly he'd understand--but I'm a little too embarrassed for some reason at the point to bring it up in conversation. I know that's my issue, not his.
Well, we'll just have to see about all of this. At least things are moving in a positive direction.