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Required reading: Newsweek article on "quirky kids"
Filed under: Activities: Babies, Development/Milestones: Babies, Day Care & Education
My son has been wearing a polo shirt to school this year (it's part of his uniform) and every morning he carefully buttons the VERY TOP button. When I gently suggest that he leave that last button open because that's how most people wear a polo shirt, he sighs and says, "Mom, I'm not MOST PEOPLE."
Oh. Right.
So you can see why I was so intrigued by Lorraine Ali's article, "You and Your Quirky Kid." Ali, who has quirky kid herself, looks at the rise in diagnosis for kids like my son, who just aren't really marching to the conventional drummer. Once upon a time, not so long ago (dare I say, when we were kids) children like Ali's and mine would have been different, but not necessarily diagnosable. Who doesn't remember that weird girl who loved spiders, or the boy who just could NOT sit still in class? Their odd behavior was probably attributed to bad parenting -- that hyper could would sit down if his mother would stop feeding him donuts for breakfast. And while I'm not a fan of blaming the parents (you never know what's going on in someone else's family, after all) maybe that was better than labeling the kid.
Ali's article is a welcome reminder that if anything has changed, it is not necessarily the neurological makeup of our children; instead, it may simply be that the culture of parenting has shifted dramatically. In a day when helicopter parents are calling their children's college professors and potential employers, it's not surprising that more parents are pursuing labels for what is most likely just normal behavior. Of course, there are kids who are genuinely different, and Ali asks what I think is the $64,000 question: "Can we make the world they're going to grow up in sufficiently kind and welcoming to them and their quirks, and can we provide them with the basic skills they need to navigate in that world?" I hope so, really I do. But we also have to distinguish the kids who really need help from the kids who are just a little different.
Oh. Right.
So you can see why I was so intrigued by Lorraine Ali's article, "You and Your Quirky Kid." Ali, who has quirky kid herself, looks at the rise in diagnosis for kids like my son, who just aren't really marching to the conventional drummer. Once upon a time, not so long ago (dare I say, when we were kids) children like Ali's and mine would have been different, but not necessarily diagnosable. Who doesn't remember that weird girl who loved spiders, or the boy who just could NOT sit still in class? Their odd behavior was probably attributed to bad parenting -- that hyper could would sit down if his mother would stop feeding him donuts for breakfast. And while I'm not a fan of blaming the parents (you never know what's going on in someone else's family, after all) maybe that was better than labeling the kid.
Ali's article is a welcome reminder that if anything has changed, it is not necessarily the neurological makeup of our children; instead, it may simply be that the culture of parenting has shifted dramatically. In a day when helicopter parents are calling their children's college professors and potential employers, it's not surprising that more parents are pursuing labels for what is most likely just normal behavior. Of course, there are kids who are genuinely different, and Ali asks what I think is the $64,000 question: "Can we make the world they're going to grow up in sufficiently kind and welcoming to them and their quirks, and can we provide them with the basic skills they need to navigate in that world?" I hope so, really I do. But we also have to distinguish the kids who really need help from the kids who are just a little different.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
9-14-2007 @ 7:45PM
Sandy Maple said...That was a great article. Thanks for sharing!
Reply
9-15-2007 @ 1:30PM
DaMoKi Bob said...Thanks for the article! I struggle to express my impression and concern of a culture where cookie cutter kids and rewarded because of the luck of a genetic draw.
As a society trained to value normal and eschew abnormal, even if we do not actively seek comfort, we find it because we are generally more comfortable with what is familiar, what is like us…what we define as normal. As stated in the article, we tend to "...elevate the need for normalcy to a state of spiritual grace..." which supports the fear of not measuring up to the demands of others and ourselves, and we then model all this to our kids and the cycle repeats in the next generation.
No surprise when playing a different drum invites comments and actions from the cookie cutters, which force conformity or isolation.
Sadly, the answer to Rodney King’s question may be “no!”
Reply
9-16-2007 @ 12:06AM
Heidi said...I believe in helping our kids honour and value themselves, as they are. My daughter is highly sensitive and has struggled all through school, often feeling like there's something wrong with her. What I've learned is: (1) kids react to what we, as parents, are worried about. If we're okay - they're okay! (2) I can help my daughter recognize the strengths and difficulties that her sensitivity presents. Where she struggles with it, we talk about ways she can recognize and deal with her feelings. And on the flip side, she needed me to point out the benefits of being sensitive (i.e. she is often the first to recognize when another child is upset and often knows intuitively how to help them) so that she could feel good about herself. When our kids see their differences or "quirks" as faults, they feel "not good enough" or like there's something wrong with them. Help them love themselves instead!
Reply