When it comes to child safety, PEOPLE magazine doesn't screw around. The magazine sent journalists directly to the source to investigate a topic that had all gossips buzzing this week: Paris Hilton had plans to adopt four blonde baby girls to turn into miniature versions of herself.

When asked if adopting an instant Aryan, Brangelina-size family was her plan, Hilton responded with characteristic eloquence, "That's retarded. No, I'm not."

Hilton appears to be suffering from an attention deficit among all her gestating peers. She spilled the beans on Christina Aguliera's still not-officially-announced-but-physically-impossible-to-hide-anymore pregnancy by calling her "the most beautiful pregnant girl in the world" which got her back in the headlines for a couple of days. (It's too bad she forgot her sometime friend and Simple Life co-star, Nicole Richie, also has a bun in the oven. Maybe she's the 2nd most beautiful?)

When asked if she'd ever want to adopt, Hilton said, "Maybe, but I want to have my own children." and the blonde orphans of the world heaved a sigh of relief.