Children and eating disorders

I grew up with a mom who was very healthy, didnt diet, I never had body issues, wasnt into fashion. At 21 years old my parents got divorced i felt out of control, so i controlled the only thing i could. Food. became bulimic and have dealt with that now for 12 years. Once you start it, its addictive. Its less about "control" now and more out of habit.

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I've been a binger for years and years - it's something I struggle with today. Much of it is about control, as the previous poster pointed out, but no eating disorder is that simple. In my own case, I can remember distinctly hearing my mom talk about how she'd buy that cute outfit after she lost 5 more pounds (she NEVER bought the outfit); going on 'fitness' bike rides and having to lift weights with my parents; being questioned if I wanted seconds of something. I know it sounds like I lived this horrid childhood - I didn't - there were just parts of it that stuck on a certain part of my brain, and caused me to feel out of control. Eating "forbidden" food - cookies, chips, fast food, you name it - in massive quantities was my way of saying, "See? I can DO WHAT I WANT!"

To this day, I struggle with that mentality, and with those binges, especially when I'm under stress. Fast food is particularly vexing - if I think I might be denied the drive-through, I literally begin to panic.

Anyway, I didn't mean to blather on for so long. I guess my point here is that no eating disorder has one single cause. There are myriad factors that play into it. Parents are not the sole cause. Media is not the only trigger. It can be something as innocuous as, "Doesn't that girl look cute in that skirt?". When said to a person in a vulnerable state, it can be devastating.

So what do you do, as a parent? The best you can. Compliment your child on her/his talent, not just her looks. Tell them their beautiful/handsome when their eyes are shining with fun, and they're covered in dirt, not just when they're in their Sunday Best. Cultivate their joys. Cuddle. Most of all, set clear boundaries, and give them realistic control over their world, so they don't get into that "I need control" spiral. And if you do notice signs that something is wrong, remember that you are a parent, not an ostrich. Deal with it early, don't put your head in the sand.

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All I am going to say is this.

This is something that parents can control and watch. If the parenting of a child is THAT bad, where they dont notice that their kid isn't eating anything, that just plain bad parenting.

Any eating disorder can be stopped. You choose to start it, you choose to end it.

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"Any eating disorder can be stopped. You choose to start it, you choose to end it."

Spoken by a person who has never dealt with an eating disorder. Do you honestly think that, at age 10, some little girl says, "Hmmm... that anorexia, that's a pretty cool thing. I think I'm going to do that!" and then proceeds to starve herself? No. An eating disorder (and I use anorxia as the easiest to describe here) is not undertaken "by choice". Maybe, MAYBE, it starts as a lark or as a diet, but you do not CHOOSE to have an eating disorder. These are serious cases where the behavior has gotten out of control, or IS the only form of control that the person feels. It is not as simple as "just" starting or stopping. Yes, stopping is a conscious choice that people make. But it's not that simple. It requires dedication, counseling, and very often, hospitilization. Most times, it is a lifelong battle.

Do you think that the women that succomb CHOOSE to die every year?

Further, would you tell an alcoholic, "it's not a big deal, just don't drink"? Come to think of it, yeah, you probably would.

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Furthermore, this statement:

"This is something that parents can control and watch. If the parenting of a child is THAT bad, where they dont notice that their kid isn't eating anything, that just plain bad parenting."

Shows that you really DON'T understand the world of an eating disorder. Those with eating disorders become masters at hiding their secret. Bingers hide their stashes. We eat in our cars, we hide food in our rooms, in our lockers at school, and other places. Bulimics find subtle ways to excuse themselves to go purge. Anorexics manage to work the food around so it looks eaten, but isn't, or make excuses for not eating - I ate somewhere else, I'm allergic, I don't like that, whatever.

I know a woman who was bulimic for most of her high school years, all of her undergraduate years, and only when she was working on her Master's Degree, did she finally seek help. Her family and friends - even her college roommate and best friend - never knew.

I was so good at hiding my binges that nobody knew for years what I was doing. I hid my weight gain by telling everyone that I had a wonky thyroid and that yes, I was under a doctor's care. It kept them from asking too many questions, and protected my secret.

Yes, parents can watch. Yes, they can pay attention. But they cannot control it. The minute they start trying to control this kind of behavior, it's going to spiral out of control even faster. The best thing for a parent to do if they suspect an eating disorder is to get the child professional help. Immediately.

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To LS re. eating disorders.
I have a 10-year old son who hides snack food in his room and stashes food he doesn't want to eat here and there in the dining room when no one is looking. (He's a very slow eater, so often he is last to leave the table.) I don't know what to do. We try to give him reasonable choices. He's not denied snack food (rules--not in huge quantities and not close to meals). We try to tailor our meals to the likes and dislikes of the eaters, but we can't please everyone all of the time.

This has been going on, off and on, for over a year. We've discussed the issues with him, tried to make changes to make meals/snacks more agreeable for him, and imposed punishments when this failed. We really don't know what we're doing wrong.

Our daughter (11 years old) doesn't have these issues.

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