Do you walk around naked in front of your kids?
Categories: Babies, Safety, Development

My parents were never even remotely naked in front of me. My husband's parents didn't walk around in the nude but they didn't try to hide it either. Interestingly enough, we both ended up feeling pretty much the same way about our bodies.
I am reminded of all this because apparently one of the many issues people are having with Britney Spears is her being naked around her children. Now, she's a girl and they're both boys, but, does that matter? Should it? And, just so you know, I'm not referring to Brit Brit being photographed without wearing any undies...although I'm not sure that helps matters.
I think it's important for our kids to not be afraid of their bodies or ours. It's also natural for humans to be naked and curious (sometimes at the same time).
At this point my son is only six months old. I was basically naked when he was born, when he was also naked. So we've been naked together. Of course, he couldn't see me then. Since that time he's seen me in various stages of undress, what with the breastfeeding and all. I don't think he gets it yet--this naked versus clothed thing. He looks at me the same way the dogs do, which is to say with mild interest.
When the time comes--and who knows when that will be--I'm not about to dance around naked in front of my kids. I guess if they happen to see me that way I won't run screaming but I also am not going to go out of my way to let them see me that way.
Are there merits and detriments to this kind of behavior? Sure, I'm sure there are. What do you say? Are you in the buff in front of your kids or is that off limits?
Picture of naked family by ckaroli.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Heather 9-21-2007 @ 1:26PM
Her oldest son just turned 2, I'm not too sure it really matters at this point. Maybe another year and it could be an issue. At that age you do tend to dress and undress in front of your children because they won't leave you alone long enough to even use the restroom in private. At the age her boys are I don't think it's a big deal.
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Audrey 9-21-2007 @ 11:07AM
My Kids are 3 2 and 1. It is far easier for my husband and I to send them in the shower with one of us. while one is washing them the other is either getting one dried off and the other ready to take a shower. Our 3 year old will be four soon he mostly washes his self except his hair. He will soon have to take a bath or shower by himself. My husband and I dont openly walk around our house in the nude. I think that when they turn a certin age you should be more careful.
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Jenna 9-21-2007 @ 9:36AM
Our son is almost 2. We still shower together at times because, 1) Mommy doesn't get to do anything alone, 2) it saves time on mornings when we're running late, 3) he's happy.
I showered with either of my parents for quite some time. Eventually, since they're boys, I assume my Husband will take over the showering but, for now, I don't really see an issue.
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Jillian 9-21-2007 @ 10:17AM
I think parents need to be careful with this issue. Children need to grow up not being ashamed of their bodies and I think one of the best ways to make them feel unsure about themselves is for them to think it's NEVER okay for them to be naked. I'm not saying that they and everyone else should walk around the home naked 24hrs a day, but it shouldn't be a huge deal if you accidentally walk in on someone getting dressed or whatever.
I think little kids shouldn't be made to feel like they have to cover up because them being naked is indecent. They love to run around naked, and when you're potty learning, isn't it easier to have them bottomless so there's less in the way of the potty/toilet?
My daughter (13m) still showers with me because I wouldn't get a shower otherwise! She also "helps" me get dressed because she doesn't want to be in a different room than me. Sometimes DH and I walk around in just our undies because we are more comfortable that way when it's warm. DD sees my breasts often because we nurse a lot. I really don't see why this is such a big deal when kids are young. When my dd is old enough to start asking questions, we will talk to her truthfully about why mommy looks different from daddy and such. Eventually we'll stop showering together and covering up more but I can't set a date or anything.
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karena 9-21-2007 @ 10:35AM
When my boys started school I talked to them about privacy...and private parts of their bodies. We told them that these areas were special. Also, that it wasnt a big deal if family members saw them naked by accident, but other people should not be seeing your private parts. I shut my bedroom door when I change. The bathroom however still gets intruded upon sometimes. Before school age I think its a non-issue, they could care less what state of dress you are in.
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Stacie 9-21-2007 @ 11:13AM
Britney's kids are toddlers. There is no problem here.
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mamacheryl 9-21-2007 @ 12:47PM
My husband and I wonder at what age our children should be when we stop walking around the house in our undies. We don't have AC, and after work this summer, we usually stripped down as soon as we got home. Our son is 21 months old.
He showers with Daddy at least twice a week because it's sometimes more convenient than taking a bath.
We figure we'll start wearing more clothes around the house later when he starts talking more. I don't really want him announcing to people in the grocery store about Mommy and Daddy watching TV without any clothes on.
In my culture (Finnish), it's quite common for family members to take sauna baths together, even mixed genders. It's a perfectly normal thing for kids to be bathing with their elders until they reach puberty, when they would probably want some privacy.
Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com
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Carrie 9-21-2007 @ 12:54PM
I wait for cues from the kid. I still bathe with my daughters who are 4 and 2 (saves time and water!), but my boys (6 and 9) don't see me naked unless it's an accident.
But if they do, I don't freak out. In fact my 9 year old, if he walks in and I'm on the potty, will quickly duck out and say "excuse me" so I know he needs more privacy since he allows me more privacy.
But in general I'm relaxed about it. My kids have seen me give birth in front of them 3 times since I had homebirths. They're not weirded out by the human body or birth or breastfeeding either.
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SKL 9-21-2007 @ 1:28PM
I think if you're ever in the house alone with a tot and want to go to the bathroom, you might as well forget modesty.
Also, it is perfectly natural to breastfeed in front of all family members of all genders and ages.
I would draw the line at parading naked after the children are old enough to understand modesty. I don't think that happens until around age 3 or so.
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Caelligh 9-21-2007 @ 2:00PM
I don't think there's any inherit harm in your children seeing you naked for any length of time, at any age, for any gender.
The only harm lies in the judgment of others.
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Anji 9-21-2007 @ 2:38PM
Funny really, when I read that article I thought "Drinking around your kids, drugs around your kids, fair enough, that's wrong. But if being naked around your kids is bad, Orion should have been taken away by social services at birth!"
I have always been unashamed about my body, and go naked when possible/practical. My son is growing up learning that the human body is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. How on earth could that be a bad thing?
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Cynthia 9-21-2007 @ 4:08PM
Nudity in front of toddlers is such a non-issue. My 2 year old daughter sees both my husband and I naked at some point every day. Our apartment is hot as hell. We'll take our cues from her about when to start wearing more, but in the meantime, I'd rather not get heat exhaustion. She showers with my husband and bathes with me and I see nothing wrong with that.
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Stephanie 9-21-2007 @ 4:10PM
My kids have seen both my husband and myself naked plenty often. They think nothing of it, although my husband is starting to cover up more often for our daughter.
My son, at age 2, had a habit of demanding I take my bra off when I put it on in the morning. Just cracked me up. He'd quit nursing about 6 months before, and suddenly just developed a fascination, which has fortuntately ceased.
I'd rather my kids be comfortable with their bodies than ashamed. My daughter is pretty understanding about what is and is not appropriate, both in terms of nudity and touching. My son will get there as he gets older.
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Ethel 9-21-2007 @ 5:42PM
I read somewhere that the "experts" agree that parental nudity before preschool is a non-issue. I have three kids, two girls and a boy and they bathed together until the oldest was almost four. This saved us time, water and sanity. Now that they are 4, 5, and 6 my husband and I definitely don't "parade" around in the nude but if one of our kids happens upon one of us dressing, pottying or showering we make it a point to not freak out and use it as an opportunity to talk about privacy and boundaries.
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Heather 9-21-2007 @ 9:47PM
Strangely enough, this isn't really a big deal at our house. I have a 5 yo son and a 3 yo daughter. My son showers with daddy, my daughter showers with me. I am always being walked in while I'm using the bathroom. The only time I don't really feel comfortable around my son when I'm naked (mostly getting in the shower) is when aunt flo is visiting, then I try to keep him out of the bathroom. As far as my daughter, I think she needs to know sooner or later how a womans body works. Right now I just tell her mommy has yucky, but I'll be ok. For now she is alright with that answer.
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JQ 9-22-2007 @ 3:45PM
Its sad to me that we teach our children such shame about something so natural. We shouldn't let our kids see us naked as early as 3 years old? Puh-leese. My family was far from nudist, but when in a rush my mom and I would shower together until I was almost 13 and she'll still walk in when I am showering when I am visiting her if she needs to take a quick pee - I'm 33 now. My dad ran around the house in his skivies every Sunday morning until I was 12 or so, never phased me. My parents aren't the least bit hippie, just your average middle American parents. All this bizarreness about our bodies with our children just shows how sick our society is getting around sexuality and children - we are so scared it might happen by accident somehow, this sexualizing, that we are paranoid with our own kids. I'll be damned if I will be covered at all times in my own home when my infant gets older. That's like treating the kid like a stranger visiting my home.
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Gulab 9-22-2007 @ 8:03PM
I come from a very conservative society/country. While growing up we observed two levels of modesty. You could say they were daytime and night time modesty. Daytime modesty would apply to both the privacy of the home and out in public. In short we would never be naked, without total privacy (such as the bathroom) during the daytime. This would be a terrible shame.
However, nighttime modesty in the privacy of the home was different. I cannot say exactly when nighttime modesty rules would start but it certainly began when everyone started going to bed for the night and most lights were turned out.
We had no AC and it was hot. My two sisters and I shared one room and we slept naked from the time we were potty trained. My parents also slept most of the time naked. My grandmother only wore a very thin nightgown at night. If we had to go to the toilet or get water we were not expected to dress and then undress when we got back to bed. I went many times to the toilet completely naked without a thought or any shame. I sometime went to the kitchen for water. My sisters and parents were the same. We girls always slept with our bedroom door open so that we could have some breeze. So, anyone passing by the room would see us sleeping without clothes.
As you can imagine, we would sometimes see each other naked at night. This was not really seen as shameful or immodest for us because it was accepted as correct circumstances.
I never really thought about the difference between daytime and nighttime modesty until I was married and had my own children.
We live in the US and everything is very hyper-sexualized here. We always have to talk to our children about sexual issues and things they see on television. In movies, televisions, and magazines naked people are almost always sexual. This is the culture.
I tend to not like AC and I still sleep most of the time naked. I will go to the toilet naked, although it is now off of my room. I will sometimes go to the kitchen or into my kid's room to check on them. I will sometimes go to the laundry in the basement. After bedtime I have never felt it is shameful to do these things undressed.
When my children were small they all wore pj's, so they really did not sleep without clothes. But, I would bath them all together, both the girls and boys. They also sometimes slept with me and my husband. They saw us and each other naked, but under the correct circumstances.
When my oldest daughter reached 13 she one day asked if she still had to wear her pj's. She was hot at night. She was concerned about being naked at night with her younger sister in the room. She worried about not being modest.
At first, I was puzzled by her concerns. I then realized that she did not have the clear distinction of modesty I grew up with. For her being naked was beginning to be confused with being sexual.
I explained to her that being naked under the right conditions was not immodest. It was okay for her to be naked at night in our home. She could sleep that way. She could go to the toilet without shame, she could get water, she could go to the laundry (in the basement) to retrieve her school clothes. None of these things would be shameful because it was at night and it was accepted by us. All of these things should be done without the lights on, only night lights. She could leave the door open of the toilet so as not to turn on the light. If anybody saw her she should not be shamed.
I also explained that it would not be appropriate to walk naked anywhere in the house during the day. She had to be very modest at those times and to keep all doors closed. I know that she was confused by these distinctions at first, but she slowly understood them, mostly on her own.
We later clarified that "day" started when breakfast started. We had to make this clarification because she asked me if she had to dress in the morning right when she woke up in order to use the toilet or shower before school. Of course, she did not have to. But once we sat down for breakfast "day" officially started. "Night" started when the majority of the family had gone to bed and most lights were out. Within these rules the rest was her choice and decision. The younger children had an easier time because of her actions and decisions.
After our initial discussion I really thought about the issue. I never really knew that I followed two types of modesty. I brought the subject up with a friend and she stated that when she was growing up her family followed similar attitudes as mine. She also understood them implicitly. However, her children did not follow the distinction because they associate nakedness with sex. They are very careful about ever being naked. I just assumed everyone knew the rules our way. Clearly her children did not see them the same. I had to explain then to me children.
When I was growing up I never had to ask my parents when "day" and "night" modesty started. I think I just learned from the actions of the family. I saw my older sister get up at 5:00 am, put her hair into braids and then walk to the bathroom -all completely naked - every school day for years. If any of us woke up much after sunrise or after breakfast we never ever would have even thought of doing such a thing. We would immediately dress, then braid, and then go to the bathroom. We just knew that it would not be appropriate to do otherwise. No one told us we just knew.
We had a big party one time. It finished late and I went to bed after 12:00. Around 1:00 I woke up very thirsty from the too salty foods. I got up and went to the kitchen. My mother was there still washing the dishes. I drank my water and then began to help her. I was drying the dishes and putting them up. After about 20 minutes she kissed me on the head and told me to go back to bed. She knew that it was pushing the modesty rules for her nude 15 year old daughter to be doing dishes, even in the middle of the night. As soon as she sent me to bed I went without discussion. I also knew that it was the right thing. I was not ashamed and neither was she. However, I never ever would have even contemplated doing such a thing at 1:00 in the afternoon. If I tried she would have severely beaten me.
I have had discussion with all of my children about the difference between being naked and being sexual. I have also explicitly explained to them why our family has two types of modesty, both equally good. One is definitely more strict than the other. The strictness comes from the time of day and circumstances not the shamefulness of the body. My children also know that closed doors mean privacy is being requested. They do not enter.
Before writing this I spoke with my daughter, now in her 20's. She still follows these modesty rules and she told me that they have been very good for her. She does not associate her naked body as shameful. She only associates the situation or circumstances where she would be naked as shameful or not.
She has also told me that our day/night rules were good for her when she was growing up. She told me that they gave her clear boundaries and surprisingly to me, made her feel very safe in the home.
These ideas may sound very strange to people who grow up in America in a sexualized culture. But for me, I have never associated being naked with only having sex. I think that it is healthy not to be shameful all of the time, and people should not be shameful of their body, only the circumstances of when it is uncovered.
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rebecca Biernesser 9-23-2007 @ 9:41PM
I don't see anything wrong in your child seeing you naked. My husband and I used to talk about when it would be okay for not to see us naked...lol...We have reached the point with my 6 year old. Unless he walks into the bathroom while I'm on the pot or trying to take a shower, or in while I get dressed, he doesn't see me or my husband naked...but he sees us half dressed sometimes, well, more then sometimes, lol....We have a 1 year old that likes to explore, so sometimes he sees us going after the baby in underwear, or pants and a bra. It's not a huge deal to us and when he does walk in on one of us, we tell him just a minute, I'm busy, and shut the door back.
I have seen my grandmother change in front of me, mom change and use the bathroom in front of me, so to me it's no big deal. My husband says they have the same parts, so why bother, after all he plays sports in high school, there will be the whole locker room thing there. (I'm thinking he will cahnge his mind when I give birth to this little girl and she gets older, though...lol)
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Deb 9-26-2007 @ 11:24AM
Gulab is the healthiest person here! Thanks for the great post and sharing.....Deb
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Sarah 9-26-2007 @ 1:45PM
Nudity isn't a big deal around my house. My daughter is 3 and we still take showers and baths together. But just a month ago, while we were showering, she started freaking out. I looked down and she was pointing at "my happy place". But that is the only issue I've dealt with. I've taught her what her butt is, her private, and her Chi Chi's. She is learning not to show others her private area. But I'am 24, and my mom still walks in on me while using the bathroom. We can have a whole conversation while using the toilet. And you know what? That isn't weird...for me at least. But when it's time for school, I'll teach Audreyanna(daughter) what should and shouldn't be shown.
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