Do you ask about guns?

I have a couple of friends who have concealed carry permits and do carry. They tell other parents before officially inviting kids over.

I always ask. I grew up in an area where even the cheerleaders used the gunracks on their trucks. My family was the exception for not having any guns. We were taught gun safety about the same time we were taught things like crossing the street safely.

But nearly all the parents I know up here fear guns. They don't seem inclined to educate themselves or their children on gun safety and mentioning the word "gun" in front children is apparently worse than dropping an F bomb. I've just taken to saying "I know this might seem like it's an odd question, but I'm from Texas, so I have to ask."

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We always had many guns in our house. My dad knew more than any of our neighbors about how to make sure they were handled and stored safely. But I don't think he would have liked people asking if we had them in the house. For one thing, he was concerned people might break in and attempt to steal his guns. It was his personal business if he had guns in the house.

My mom preferred for other people's kids to stay outside, anyway. Frankly, I too feel that kids ought to play outside. For one thing, it's a lot healthier. For another thing, guns are only one thing that have a potential to cause problems in another family's house. Do you ask "is your 10-year-old son sexually curious"? "Do you smoke in your house?" "How do you lock up your liquor"? "When was the last time your daughter's urine was tested for drugs?" "Which swear words to you say in front of the children?" "Where do you store your Playboy magazines?" "Which rock bands do you listen to?" "Do you disrespect my religious beliefs?" "When was the last time your husband got discharged from the loony bin?" "Do you believe in spanking other people's kids?" "Do you keep poisons within reach of children?"

Enough things happened to me in neighbor's houses that had nothing to do with guns. Just a thought, if you are asking questions anyway.

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I *do* ask about guns. I also ask if anybody in the household smokes! I figure, whatever, rather they think I'm a neurotic over-protective parent than a...oh wait, that's what I AM! :)

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This recently came up at a Protecting Children class, only it was in reference to asking if there is pornography in the house and if so, where is it kept and do the kids know how to access it.

I think both questions are valid and the concerns that SKL raised are all also valid. Many of these answers you can glean from your contact with the parents. Some require a more direct approach.

There's an awful lot that kids can get into and parents today tend to leave kids for longer periods between checking in on them. It's a rough old world out there and it makes me glad that my house is usually Kid Central (even with it's gun-lovin' owners).

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I agree with SKL. There are a LOT of things that can hurt a child that we don't think about. It's about responsibility.

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Hey, look what we left out:

"Do you use hand sanitizers? Do you wipe down your counters with disinfectant, and what is the proportional percents of protein and carbs in your snacks? Do you allow them to play in full sun, and if so what level of sun block do you apply and how often? Are you a Republican? Do you have a IV drip and a bag-o-blood available in case of bleeding? Is your liability insurance paid? When is the last time you had your house checked for radon? How about those fire alarms? Are you and your spouse currently fighting? Do you have a dog with a history of snapping at kids or is it a lovable Pit Bull? Have you achieved inner peace?”

“Wait, what time is it? ... Really! Well, it’s been nice... play date’s over! Gott’a go. Honey, come on we are leaving... put that down! You don’t know where it’s been...”

... just makes me tired.

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I guess it's a matter of priorities. An unsecured gun in the home can lead to immediate death. No hand sanitizer? Snacks are crappy sugar and trans fats? Kid gets a sunburn? None of these are really that big. (And I'll hear all about it if Husband and Wife are arguing...that would be quite unusual for my kids to hear)

I guess the bottom line is to figure out what is important, figure out what you can about the parents and ask about the topics that are Deal Breakers for you. Frankly, pornography is a zillion times more dangerous to my boys than an unsecured gun would be. For my younger girls? The gun would be more of a problem.

Pets is another good one. Allergies, fears and just plain danger need to be considered.

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The worst thing that happened to me in other people's houses was sexual imposition - ranging from fondling to outright molestation - and perpetrated by males ranging in age from nine to retirement age. My brothers also had this happen to them, and the perps were both male and female in their cases.

I also witnessed criminal child abuse and wife abuse in my friends' houses.

In some cases, my parents sensed the families weren't quite right and asked me not to go there any more. In other cases, they were clueless, so I had to find out the hard way how bad people could be.

Guns were all around my neighborhood but even the dumb, criminal family across the street never experienced any harmful accidents with their guns. The neighbor's son started the house on fire when he fell asleep smoking, a kid on the next street blew off his hand with a home-made bomb; but it seems people in general respect guns enough that the chance of an accident in someone else's house is frankly remote. And I don't question my neighbors about every remote possibility concerning their private homes.

Molestation, on the other hand, clearly happens a lot, and few would deny that it can be devastating to children. But, what questions can you possibly ask to ensure this doesn't happen to kids? Seriously, I struggle with this question because I know there's a good chance this will happen to my daughters sooner or later. Do we pretend it away? Do we hope our children will be strong enough to suck it up if it does happen? I don't want to over-protect my children and keep them from discovering their world in a healthy way, so what can be done? What do others do about this? Or do others prefer to believe these things can't happen to their children?

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