Would you leash your child for a casual afternoon walk?
My husband and I drove past a family of four taking a walk this evening. They were walking along the sidewalk, edged on either side with trees and rolling meadows, now flecked with trees during bright orange and golden. Up ahead, a girl and her golden retriever were running. There wasn't much traffic--it was after the homeward bound evening rush. I did a double take as we drove past. The kids looked to be about the same age. A boy and a girl. Maybe twins. Somewhere between three and four years old. Both of them were leashed: a pale blue harness around their midsection led to a cord which was clipped onto Mom and Dad's belts. The kids were running, but not lunging. The parents were not holding anything in their hands. I didn't know what to make of it.
There are times when I have heard a parent with a particularly challenging child say that they have used a leash to prevent a the child from running away at say, the zoo or the airport. But to walk down a quiet suburban sidewalk with your kid leashed? Why?
When we're out, I ask my son to hold my hand. This is a non-negotiable when we're by cars (in parking lots, crossing the street, etc.) but when we're walking on a sidewalk or at a park, etc. if he wants to walk by himself we make an agreement. He walks next to me, or a few steps ahead. If he runs off and doesn't stop when I ask him to, then he has to hold my hand again. Or be carried. Or go to the car/go home. End of story. There is of course the occasional time where he goes boneless when I say he has to hold my hand, and we make a lovely spectacle for a few minutes. But t in general I trust him and he knows I trust him.
I know the issue has been debated before, and I understand that there are unique and extreme circumstances where a child's condition makes a harness a safety necessity...but having your kids leashed while on a family walk? To me that is sending the children a clear message of mistrust: "We don't think you'll listen to us, so we're not giving you the choice." Children live up to our expectations.
What do you think? Would you, or do you, use a leash with your child on casual family outings?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
nicolebarber 9-29-2007 @ 10:33AM
For the safety of my child who likes to take off and hide hell yes... I should invest in one
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Nicole 9-29-2007 @ 10:36AM
I totally agree ... leashing your child in a circumstance you described is totally unacceptable. They are not doing their child any favors by teaching them boundaries, trust and making decisions. I have always hated seeing kids on leashes even in places like the airport. I have 2 year old we have never needed to leash. Maybe I am lucky, but we have taught her not to be very far from us and to always hold our hand near cars or crowds.
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Joy 9-29-2007 @ 10:41AM
I wouldn't/didn't use these things. I agree with Nicole about teaching trust and boundries. It just looks so icky. I could maybe see it if they had problems with the child taking off in crowded places but never on a family walk. My oldest son liked to wander off but I still kept him close and would never put one of those things on him. He is NOT an animal.
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Karen 9-29-2007 @ 10:51AM
I would use the harness if I thought it was best for my child. Since you have only casual observations, and no inside knowledge of the relationship, you made some HUGE leaps in judging these people.
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Ann Adams 9-29-2007 @ 11:05AM
I read of a case not long ago (it may have been here) where a child was saved from abduction because he/she was firmly secured to a parent.
That's enough to convince me even though I already thought there was nothing wrong with them.
We restrain children in cars, we make sure their play equipment and high chairs are safe. To me it has nothing to do with trust.
My oldest turned 50 this year. When she and her younger brother and sister were tiny, I tied a clothesline around her waist when we were in downtown San Francisco. She was a runner and I could not manage to catch her without letting go of the other two.
Yes, some people stared and I even heard a couple of remarks. Given a choice between a dead child and the opinions of strangers who didn't have a clue, I'll choose the child every time.
Not all families need or want the harness but for those who do it's a parenting choice like any other. We're in no position to judge.
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Joy 9-29-2007 @ 11:17AM
I'm sorry Karen and Ann. I wasn't "judging" anyone. I clearly said "I wouldn't". I didn't say "they shouldn't". FYI...when I brought both of my boys home from the hospital when they were born, neither of them were in car seats. It's wasn't even thougth about then. I would never in a million years tell someone else what to do. You gotta do what you gotta do but I never had to go to that extreme. Did you read the story where Christina said, "quiet neighborhood, no traffic, family walk, rolling meadows...."? It wasn't the Mall Of America or some crowded place.
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sophie. 9-29-2007 @ 11:21AM
I do use one, ocasionally.
I have 3 boys, very close in age. Running after ONE kid is easy. Keeping an eye on 2 who simply love to take off in opposite direction is another story. Should I mention three? (if you dont have 3 energetic kids, dont even try to understand)
I do NOT use 'free leash'. The leash is only there in case of a problem, and we HOLD HAND - very tight.
Say I'm at the airport - struggling to split the diaper bag into liquids and non liquids for security. I'll say to my kid "stay there" "hold tight to mummy;s leg" but I'll have the leash between the toddler and my own belt/leg (I use a loop, so I usually just put the loop around my own leg).
If kid wants to take off, he cant.
ONLY using the leash without the regular "hold on, stay here" simply doesnt work...
however, this is MY DUTY to immediatly look for my kid is I feel his arms left my leg, EVEN if I have the safety of mind of the leash. If he's not holding anymore, he NEEDS my attention and I NEED to give him mine, and encourage him to come back to brace my leg.
At once of the security points, he was so well behaved, I (so dumb) didnt strap the leash to me, and sure enough, he took off thru the security point. This is the most embarassing nightmare... security guys do not even attempt to help, and all the alarms are schieking...
If you do go to airports... get a leash.
(however, you can hide it under the tshirt - and/or use the mini leash that is like hand cuffs: hand to hand.
But running wth kids attached! what's wrong with you people? we live downtown, and the FIRST rule we learned outside is to take off safely on the curbside (ie LEARN to recognize street crossing before which they STOP, etc), and LEARN to listen and obey to my voice (FREEZE!)
Now regarding amusment parks. I simply dont know. So far we avoided them because I'm not sure I could feel dafe there (leash or not leash) - but I could understand the point. Again, this is a special circumstance, not jogging in s safe environment.
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Jennifer 9-29-2007 @ 11:21AM
My own mother used a leash on me when I was little because I would run off, but then I learned I could sit down and she'd have to either let me off or drag me. In my neighborhood their is a set of twins that the parents leash when they take them on walks. They look like they are walking their dogs! Everyday at 10am out they come witht their hot pink leashes. I've seen these children in a social setting without their leashes and they are very clam and good kids. I agree that you have to set boundaries for your children and talk with them about rules and learning from making wrong decisions.
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ashley 9-29-2007 @ 11:23AM
i do have one of these....but i have only used it a handful of times. my 2 y.o. likes to run off. at the playground or going for a stroll there is no need for it. but when i take her downtown with me we use it. i still hold her hand, it is there as a back up measure. in case she were to slip out of my hand and try to sprint into the sreet. or at the parades i take her to so she won't get lost in the crowds. or if someone would try to grab her. its not something i particularly enjoy using...and yes i get glares and rude comments...but at least i know my child will be safe.
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joy 9-29-2007 @ 11:24AM
We recently bought a harness for our 16 month old which had a bear on the back and looked more like a backpack. The first time I took him for a walk, I felt self-conscious because it felt like I was taking my "pet" for a walk. In my circumstance, I feel my son does not understand the concept of what is dangerous yet. After all, he is only 16 months old. Plus, he is very independent and trusting, and he will go to virtually anyone. I watch my son closely but what happens if I couldn't get to him in time? It's for his safety and for learning there are limits and what they mean.
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Ann Adams 9-29-2007 @ 11:39AM
Joy, I didn't mean it as an attack; just that each family is different and we can't possibly know their experience.
In my case, I was pushing a double stroller which took two hands and trying to convince my oldest (who, I agree, should have known better bu she was and remained a headstrong child) not to run toward the streetcars careening down Market Street.
She ran, I caught her (leaving the other two on the sidewalk) and from then on I used the clothesline until she convinced me she'd never do it again.
Even so, she took off across a quiet neighborhood street a few years later right into the side of a moving car. All my careful teaching didn't make a whit of difference.
Yes, I read the whole article and yes, it was a quiet street on a quiet day. Still, they may have read the same "abduction" article I did or they may have had past experience with their kids or read something which frightened them.
Or perhaps they were a little on the overly protective side. I'm sure most of us have been there.
What I was trying to say and perhaps didn't say clearly is that a leash may look a little odd but it isn't abuse, it's a choice like so many others. I'd hate to see these or any parents openly criticized for their choice. I wouldn't go the other direction and criticize the majority who think leashes are wrong either. I remember how I felt about the "looks" and comments all these years later. It hurt but my kids were more important than public opinion.
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Amanda 9-29-2007 @ 12:09PM
I have seriously considered buying one for my middle child. He could be on a perfectly quiet street and run out in front of the one car that drove by all day. With me standing right there with his siblings. He did this the other day in our neighbor's yard, and I almost dropped the baby out of the sling trying to catch him. Some kids are unpredictable, and you have to do whatever it takes, no matter what other people think.
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Anji 9-29-2007 @ 12:18PM
I have a two-year-old who doesn't listen. Do I leash him? Hell yeah I do. He has a little backpack with a leash attached. I don't take him *anywhere* without it.
People can bitch at me all they want. I'd rather have a safe child and people bitching/giving me dirty looks, than lose my child to a senseless and preventable road traffic accident.
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CLM 9-29-2007 @ 12:20PM
Right now, my twins are too young to walk, but in general I think that if my husband and I were just walking with our twins, then we probably would not use a kid leash. When walking with our twins AND our 2 dogs, we almost certainly will. A quiet street still has traffic and keeping everyone safe is a priority.
It also depends in large part, I think, on the child. My godson is a fantastic kid, but he can move at the speed of light and nearly got lost in the Natural History Museum with 3 adults minding him. We finally resorted to the leash and he actually began enjoying the experience more. Could be because he could wander about a bit and look at the things that interested him but had the security that when he turned around we would be right there.
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Uly 9-29-2007 @ 12:39PM
Joy, I might add that if you're not judging people, you might refrain from calling their choices "icky" and saying that your son is NOT an animal (implying that they treat their children like animals, though honestly, if children aren't animals, I'd like to know what the heck they *are*. They sure aren't mushrooms!)
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Uly 9-29-2007 @ 12:39PM
You don't know these kids. Maybe they have a developmental disability which means they're more prone to just suddenly running off. Maybe they *don't* have such a disability, but tend to be runners anyway. Maybe they don't like holding hands. Maybe the parents are well-educated about nursemaid's elbow and about stress injuries that can come from always bending down/lifting your hand way up. (Maybe some of us here are going "Gee, she always makes her kid hold her hand? Isn't that showing she doesn't trust him?" very snarkily in our heads.)
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Joy 9-29-2007 @ 1:15PM
Boy you guys today are tough. I think after this, I'm shutting down the old comuter and do some other things. Uly, the story asked " would we use one"? I answered that. I didn't judge anyone nor did I say it was bad. I do think they look "icky". Sorry but I do. I leash my dog because I can't hold her hand or push her around in a shopping cart or let her pick out a match box car at Target. I simply answered what Christina asked. I never gave an opinion on my own, I was answering "would I"? I find nothing wrong if that's your choice. It just wasn't mine and there was no mention of "other circumstances". You brougth that up. It wasn't in the story. Bye guys, no more from me on this. Have a good Sat afternoon.
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Margaret 9-29-2007 @ 2:03PM
I'd never use one. But I can see how they'd be useful.
But here's something funny. My grandmother said she had a hard time keeping my dad safe on the farm she raised him on. She put him in a harness that she attached to the clothes line and let him run around out there alone while she did stuff in the house. he had his toys, he could run and he was quite happy out there.
And my dad turned out awesome for the most part. He just turned 66!
Boggles the mind to think of something like this happening today.
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darla 9-29-2007 @ 4:31PM
I would - I'm in a wheelchair and have a very very active 12mo who is walking faster than I can keep up.
I'm sure we'll be using a leash in a few months for trips.
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Sandyone 9-29-2007 @ 6:47PM
Some kids need the routine and the practice. I used leashes with my older kids, but my youngers have the olders to help out and they're less, um, spontaneous. And, the leashes are always getting lost.
Perhaps this family is going on a trip soon and they are getting the kids used to the leashes. Perhaps they only ever used the leashes on those "special occasions" and their kids balked at the inconsistent use of them. I could see the wheels inside my son's head, "Ohh, Mom uses the leash when she's a bit stressed. That's the best time for me to do things a bit differently...I can get away with a whole lot during these times!"
Some kids just don't take to hand holding or stroller sitting. To try to keep my sons in a stroller for a trip to the mall would be "cruel and unusual", which is how I often hear leashes described. People who think that really just have different children and experiences. They don't get that some kids are just "more" than others.
I've never heard snide comments on my leash, but I was always prepared to reply, "Well, I used to have three children, but one ran in front of a car and was killed so now I like to keep them safer." It's not true, but it would make someone think.
Margaret, my dad was clotheslined in the front yard a zillion years ago, too. Some woman driving by went up to the door and tried to give my grandmother what-for about it. Grandma was 4'10" of Irish spirit and she told that lady what she could do with her opinion. Sure wish I'd been there to see that one!
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