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Would you leash your child for a casual afternoon walk?
My husband and I drove past a family of four taking a walk this evening. They were walking along the sidewalk, edged on either side with trees and rolling meadows, now flecked with trees during bright orange and golden. Up ahead, a girl and her golden retriever were running. There wasn't much traffic--it was after the homeward bound evening rush. I did a double take as we drove past. The kids looked to be about the same age. A boy and a girl. Maybe twins. Somewhere between three and four years old. Both of them were leashed: a pale blue harness around their midsection led to a cord which was clipped onto Mom and Dad's belts. The kids were running, but not lunging. The parents were not holding anything in their hands. I didn't know what to make of it.
There are times when I have heard a parent with a particularly challenging child say that they have used a leash to prevent a the child from running away at say, the zoo or the airport. But to walk down a quiet suburban sidewalk with your kid leashed? Why?
When we're out, I ask my son to hold my hand. This is a non-negotiable when we're by cars (in parking lots, crossing the street, etc.) but when we're walking on a sidewalk or at a park, etc. if he wants to walk by himself we make an agreement. He walks next to me, or a few steps ahead. If he runs off and doesn't stop when I ask him to, then he has to hold my hand again. Or be carried. Or go to the car/go home. End of story. There is of course the occasional time where he goes boneless when I say he has to hold my hand, and we make a lovely spectacle for a few minutes. But t in general I trust him and he knows I trust him.
I know the issue has been debated before, and I understand that there are unique and extreme circumstances where a child's condition makes a harness a safety necessity...but having your kids leashed while on a family walk? To me that is sending the children a clear message of mistrust: "We don't think you'll listen to us, so we're not giving you the choice." Children live up to our expectations.
What do you think? Would you, or do you, use a leash with your child on casual family outings?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
9-29-2007 @ 7:32PM
April said...When travelling on my own with two small kids internationally my younger child goes in a backpack or a stroller and the older one has to wear this backpack: http://www.littlelife.co.uk/out-about/1/index.htm as it has a safety strap that attaches to it. I am too worried to lose him in the busy airports etc. So. yes, I guess I do "leash" him in those circumstances.
Walking down the street? No, I haven't used it then. But I wouldn't judge a parent who did. I don't know their kids or the situation. For all I know they had a close call and one of their children was almost killed by a car after running out into the street. I just have no idea.
By the way - here in the UK "leashes" (called "reins" here) are more common than in the US. They often have two shorter straps that parents hold tightly when a child is still at the stumbling stages to help keep them upright.
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9-30-2007 @ 9:42AM
Anna V. said...We put harnesses on the boys in the mall, usually when they're tired of riding in the strollers. We did it at the air show the other weekend too. The ones we use are stuffed animals (a monkey and a puppy), that can be used as backpacks as well as harnesses (the tails are the leashes). We have three kids, and only two parents. It helps us maintain a bit more control over the situation, and honestly, we get quite a bit of praise when the boys are wearing them (always shocks me, though).
There are different ways to parent, and while none of us are perfect, we've found the best solution for our family.
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9-30-2007 @ 2:17PM
Nancy Toby said...Yep. We used leashes on our twin girls when we were walking in areas likely to have heavy traffic or near open water (piers, docks, on boats). We still do, occasionally, at 4 years old. It makes the "casual walk" a lot more casual and relaxed for everyone without having to keep a death grip on their hands every second. It's got nothing to do with trust, it has everything to do with the fact that it only takes about 5 seconds for them to dart off at a momenty of inattention and put their lives in danger.
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10-01-2007 @ 9:33AM
Jennifer said...I have 2 very energenic boys, now ages 7 and 8. When they were younger, I did use a harness on them. It came in very handy when you have one in a stroller and the other one walking. I do not regret using the harness, and I wish sometimes that I still had one for them. The younger one is very quick and if you take your eyes off of him for 1 second, he can be gone.
I was at a county fair about a month ago. There was me, my boyrfriend, and friend visiting from New Zealand and several other people that were with us, all taking turns watching the two boys. Even with that many people, he still managed to get away. Of course, when he did this, we immediately left the fair, but when you think of it, that is also a punishment to me. I would rather of had a harness on him, and suffer a few nasty looks than to have to suffer the punishment of having to take him home.
Jennifer
PS: Anytime I did have the boys on a harness when they were younger, I never got any nasty comments about it, in fact, I usually got comments along the lines of "That's a good idea, where can I get one of those"
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10-01-2007 @ 11:46AM
Gigi said...I agree that it is a parenting choice. If you feel you need the leash to keep your child safe, by all means use one. In this day and age everyone is so quick to point fingers at other parents and accuse them of bad parenting why would you even make a comment on this extra safety measure?
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10-02-2007 @ 2:36PM
Jenn said...Yes I would, and yes I do.
With a very busy almost 3 year old and a 4 month old baby, the harness has saved my sanity on many occasions. My daughter's harness looks like a puppy back-pack, and she loves it. She gets excited when I put it on, and always hands me the tail (leash) if I'm not holding it. She will only hold my hand for a minute or two, and if I try to hold it longer she melts down and collapses in a puddle, but the leash has never caused any problems at all.
I never get any negative comments about it either, most people want to know where they can get one for their child or grandchild, and if they make them big enough for a teenager :).
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10-02-2007 @ 5:14PM
Peggy said...NO! NO! NO!, I raised two kids and never felt the need for a leash. I HATE pacifers too.
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10-02-2007 @ 7:32PM
Bear said...If you care enough to leash your animals why not care enough for your children. Depends on the age of the child, young children see no danger,they run without looking at whats coming,jump not caring about the height, you turn your head for just a moment and then their gone. So its safer for my child to be at the end of that leash then they will sure be on it!! Don't take anything for granted justed cause it lookes "icky" or not cool.
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10-02-2007 @ 9:00PM
slenderkender said...Bonding people... how the heck do you bond with a child who is simply attached with a leash to your belt.. Huh.. if that's not twisted I don't know what is. I have two younger siblings and I remember taking them for walks when they were 4 and 6 respectively. Sure they try to pull out of your hand from time to time. But believe me, you develop a really strong and firm grip after a while... lol... I love my brother and sister and because we spent so much time together we get along with each other really well. Perhaps some parents have no choice, but the situation above makes it sound like the parents were simply too lazy and preferred not to be bothered by holding their children's hands... How sad.
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10-24-2007 @ 12:39AM
susan said...Jennifer
Put the harnesses back on! I have two girls 7 and 9. I had a very similar experience as yours at Sea World. Now they both wear them again when we travel or go on outings. As you stated,it's not fair to punish yourself or family. The harnesses work fine and we have a great time. Email me if you need more information
Susan
susandklein@ yahoo.com
Susan
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10-03-2007 @ 3:42AM
tanyetta said...my son will be 3 and has discovered the art of snatching away and running into traffic. i am planning on investing in one of those leashes. maybe i'll get the cool bear kind this way i look like a crazy mom with a cute kid and bear leash. *sigh*
http://calimckoys.blogspot.com
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10-05-2007 @ 9:06AM
DaMoKi Bob said...Leashes are often thought of as "icky" or demeaning (like Joy did) and at other times seen as necessary (like lots of others said).
Personnaly I agree with most everyone. It looks icky (bondage and all that), but, if my kids are, for what ever reason, apt to escape from my immediate supervision and I perceive danger, I would duct tape them to my leg is necessary and damn the eyes of others.
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10-05-2007 @ 10:57AM
Olivia said...Margaret,
One of my uncles-by-marriage tells a similiar story. His grandmother practically raised him and she was a little firebrand of a woman, red hair and all. She tied Unk to a tree by a clothesline in the yard, and he too, could walk around and play with his stuff, but was prevented from running off to the store and garage his dad owned. He always wanted to watch dad work on the cars. He laughs about it and tells lots of stories about his grandma's grit and determination.
I never thought about such a thing as a leash when my kids were small, but I never thought about abduction then either. In today's world, I would most definitely leash small children when out in public places, especially when traveling and in airports. Fantastic idea.
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10-06-2007 @ 2:52PM
Olivia said...P.S. I also would use a leash on small children when they are taken to a beach. I should have had one back when my little blondie tried to run into Lake Huron over and over as a two year old, with us sittiing right there. Fortunately I was faster than she was back then.
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10-05-2007 @ 9:08PM
Sarah R. said...I definitely leash, but of course I use the super cute backpack with a doggy on it, and I hold the tail which loops around my hand. Everyone thinks it is absolutely adorable, but that is probably because my 20 mo. old is super cute.
It is especially helpful because I am pregnant, huge, and slow right now. As a SAHM I take my toddler with me everywhere and at times there aren't shopping carts to put her in. And being the active one that she is she screams bloody murder in her stroller. I prefer to leash my cute little beast than listen to the screams.
The backpacks are great for these young walkers. Mine LOVES her doggie and plays with it all the time. To each their own, right? It doesn't bother me at all, though I hope to not use it on an older toddler. Only time will tell.
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11-20-2007 @ 12:52AM
micay said...Stop speaking about judging people and leashes. It's wrong and you know it. You just don't want to take the time to actually teach a child what they should do. Instead you all find a really easy way of tethering a child to you. I personally find this appalling, I was raised without a tether and I turned out fine. All you are doing is providing a nice defense mechanism
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