Sharon Osbourne on Alzheimer's and Euthenasia

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Sep 30th 2007 12:00PM

Dementia and mercy killing aren't conversations that come up at the dinner table every night, at least not at my house. Maybe that's because we usually eat apha getti on bar stools and my dinner companion is two.

Anyway, they are real and impacting topics -- ones that we may all have to deal with one day. I certainly think about it a lot, more since my grandmother died a few years ago, without knowing the names of her children.

Sharon Ozbourne has an extremely matter-of-fact attitude about mental illness and death.

"If Ozzy or I ever got Alzheimer's, that's it - we'd be off (to an assisted suicide flat). We gathered the kids around the kitchen table, told them our wishes and they've all agreed to go with it. "

Apparently, Sharon's father had Alzheimer's and she doesn't want to go through it herself, nor put her kids through it. And I understand that. But that must be rough on their kids, even though they're adults -- to hear about their parents dying wishes. I know I hate hearing my parents talk about their own deaths, and I'm 32. What do you think, are death and final wishes something to be discussed with the whole family?

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Comments (13)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Ann Adams 9-30-2007 @ 1:30PM

There is no one size fits all on this one, is there?

I don't have statistics at hand but I'm sure that adult children will be involved in medical decisions and final arrangements for their parents more often than not. To me, that means that I go through that uncomfortable conversation with my kids. I've done it, they know my wishes, and I've put them in writing as well. They know how to find the paperwork (insurance, etc.) Fortunately, my sons and I are of one mind on the subject. It becomes much more painful when families disagree. I've been down that road as well. Fortunately my sons' dad's family and I were able to reach a compromise on our beliefs.

My oldest daughter, age 50, (Kristin you already know this) died last May after a long struggle with cancer. Carol and my great-grandchildren (her grandkids) all lived together until she became too ill to be cared for at home.

The girls (two tweens and a teen) knew that their grandma was in a nursing home and unlikely to come back home. They were old enough to understand death and also to understand that sometimes it comes as a blessing.

Yes, there were tears, but there was also time for visits and making the most of the time left. They were involved and I think it helped them.

For us, telling them was the right decision.

caitlin 9-30-2007 @ 1:58PM

My mother-in-law is a nurse who mostly works with geriatric patients and sees a lot of families struggling with how to care for a patient who didn't tell anyone their wishes. I guess it's probably no surprise she sat down with my sister-in-law and me to discuss their wishes if certain things happened, and also where to get the various legal paperwork they had prepared. It was an awkward conversation, but I know when the time comes, we'll know how to follow their wishes and we won't have any shocks in the midst of our grief.

My parents are in their mid 50s and refuse to talk about it, even after my father almost died in January. My parents tend to be pretty private about certain things, and unfortunately, this happens to be one of them. I would rather know their wishes while they are definitely sound of mind.

Joy 9-30-2007 @ 2:19PM

I echo Ann on this one. It is hard to talk about but it should be done. It would be awful for a child who is already grief sticken to have to do this without really knowing what was wanted. Both my boys as well as my parents know what we wish. Both of my parents have told my brother and I what they want as well. We even had to ask (this was horribly hard) what my 21 nephew wanted as he shipped of to Japan....he is in the Navy. We just felt...in case....heaven forbid....we should know what he'd want.

Sandyone 9-30-2007 @ 3:39PM

Adult kids are probably going to have to deal with it, so my view is that they should deal with it before it becomes a crisis. No matter how vigorously I disagree with the Osbourne solution (and let me tell you, I disagree quite vigorously), I think it's good that they talked with their kids about it. Trying to figure out what Mom or Dad would really want is very difficult and the in-fighting that insues is not pretty. It can cause lifelong damage to sibling relationships.

If parents don't discuss it with their kids, it should at least be written down somewhere.

In the past, families were more homogenous in their beliefs and the choices, medical and practical, were few. Today, there is a wide range of beliefs, even among children raised in the same home. There are pressures from many sides and it's only wise to consider the options before it becomes a necessity.

Lauren 9-30-2007 @ 4:02PM

Psst... It's Sharon "Osbourne" and "Euthanasia".

Just a lil' spell check help :)

Ann Adams 9-30-2007 @ 5:09PM

Joy, my older son is military. He was regular Army and is now National Guard down on the Mexican border. Anything can happen, as I discovered with my daughter, and he has everything spelled out at does my younger son who is in a much safer occupation.

Hi Sandyone. See, we can agree!!

Eva 9-30-2007 @ 6:48PM

My mother is currently caring for my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and she has made it VERY CLEAR to me that if she should get Alzheimer's too, like her mother and grandmother, she would like us to shoot her. I don't know how that would work, practically speaking, though, since I think euthanasia is illegal. Isn't it? In the US.

Kirstie 9-30-2007 @ 9:34PM

I'm only eighteen, and I know that I've know for at least a year exactly what my parents want done, in the case of untimely death, and I've made sure that they know exactly what I want. Maybe it's morbid for my parents to have discussed with a 17 year old girl (I brought it up, not them, in all honestly), but it's better to know, I think.

Joy 10-01-2007 @ 1:15AM

Kirstie....you are wise beyond your years. I commend you.

SKL 10-01-2007 @ 2:22AM

According to doctors I know and experiences in my extended family, euthanasia is done on the sly pretty often. A terminally ill person is in pain, and no non-lethal dose of pain killer is enough to make them comfortable. The family begs the doctor for some compassion and he accidentally gives the patient a slight overdose. Since it's a terminal case and everyone involved believes the patient is better off now, nobody investigates or sues.

Unfortunately (in my opinion), due to the increasing litigiousness of our society, doctors are more wary of performing this act of compassion, so more terminally ill people are suffering against their will and their family's will and their doctor's will. It is sad.

One could say that a painkiller overdose is like playing God. But, in most of these cases, if we really left it up to God (instead of taking these folks to the hospital and cutting out half of their innards to enable them to "live" a few more months), they would have already died.

JC Carvil 10-01-2007 @ 4:32PM

I enjoy reading your posts

Ethel 10-01-2007 @ 11:21AM

I think this discussion is very valid for any age of the children and parents - you really never know when someone is going to be in a car wreck or a fire and hanging on to a life they don't want to be around for. I even think parents need to have this discussion when expecting a birth - so that they are prepared for the worst outcome imaginable.

Death happens all the time and we are not surrounded by it as we would have been even a 100 years ago. I don't think my great grandparents were more prepared for the grief but I bet they were more prepared for death then we are today. As I have said before, a gal from our church used to tell my mom how the flu used to be an old person's friend, and now we can't count on the flu either. I guess if dementia is a possibility for me I'll have a "Do not vaccinate" orders in my living will.

Heather 10-01-2007 @ 5:23PM

I want to be shown the same humanity my dog would get if she is terminally ill beyond help. If I was ever to get it I agree put me out of my misery.

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