Lilah Sutphen: Surrogacy Soapbox
How Young Teens Are Different From Older Millennials
Talking with kids about sex
Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Development/Milestones: Babies, Mommy Wars, Day Care & Education, That's Entertainment
The closest my parents ever got to explaining sex to me was after they found out that I had been getting beaten up after school in fourth grade by the eighth-grade boyfriend of a girl who claimed I had called her (or her mom? I forget) a "ho". I didn't even know what that was. My mother explained that a "ho" was a woman who sold her body, which led me to envision a woman hacking off her hands to sell to people.Perhaps if my mother had read Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be by Logan Levkoff, she might have been better prepared for that discussion. Former journalist and mommy-blogger Erin Kotecki Vest has a posted a very positive review over at The Huffington Post where she notes that "Logan gives you ways to approach the subject with your kids without freaking them (or yourself) out."
Be forewarned, however -- although, according to Vest, the author "doesn't push her views on you, there is room for you to, of course, teach your children your beliefs," the book also "gives you the stats on abstinence only programs and why they suck." With that in mind, I suspect that some parents will find this book useful, enlightening, and possibly even entertaining while others will find it offensive and vulgar -- although I wonder how many of the latter group would be looking for such a book anyway.
With the effect that Jared seems to have on members of the opposite sex, I may need this book sooner rather than later. I like the idea of discussing sexual topics openly and accurately and it sounds like this book delivers on that.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-08-2007 @ 11:41AM
Joy said...I took to this task pretty much the way I raised my boys with everything else. I did and taught things as they came along. I was honest (to a point) and learned that as very small children, their answers may be very brief but you should answer and be honest. What I mean is when a very young child asks where a baby comes from, may often be happy with the answer "mommy's tummy" and that was the answer they wanted and they skipped away on to the next thing. Don't get into the whole "egg" thing. They won't understand anyway. If you are always honest, they will know they can come to you and once they get older, your subjects broaden but they know they can count on you. Once I "thought" my boys might be thinking of having sex, boy, did we ever talk. We always had very open communication and I may get blasted for this but I did buy them condoms. It's very nice and good to say "just abstain" but is that realistic?
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10-08-2007 @ 12:00PM
aprilw said...Joy, amoung other awkward questions my four year old is constantly asking things like "but HOW does a baby get into a mommy's tummy?" And he doesn't take kindly to brush off answers. I am hoping there is a good book or something out there aimed at preschoolers (he's four now). I want to be as honest as I can with him, but I also want to keep it age appropriate. I just emailed the "tip line" about this, but any suggestions on books etc would be a big help. Thanks!
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10-08-2007 @ 12:13PM
Joy said...Boy April, I'm not sure. My boys were fine with the straight forward, one sentance answers for most of their questions. Would your son be happy with the answer that "daddy planted the seed"? If he would then have to ask, "how"?...might not work. Your best bet is a book for toddlers. My experience worked for me but you know that ALL kids are different.
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10-08-2007 @ 1:31PM
Ann Adams said...Joy and I have much the same approach. I didn't buy condoms but my sons certainly knew what they were, where to obtain them free, and they had an allowance if they decided to purchase them.
And, I answer questions as they come up.
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10-08-2007 @ 1:31PM
Ann Adams said...Joy and I have much the same approach. I didn't buy condoms but my sons certainly knew what they were, where to obtain them free, and they had an allowance if they decided to purchase them.
And, I answer questions as they come up.
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10-08-2007 @ 1:31PM
Ann Adams said...OOPS!!
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10-08-2007 @ 2:21PM
Clarissa said...I'm a firm believer in sex education. My daughter (who will soon be a teenager), and I started talking about sex when she was 9.
I'm very blunt with her. She knows the in's and outs and if she has any questions isn't afraid to ask.
My own mother kept the subject very taboo with me, and as a result I was having sex at the ripe ole age of 14.
When it comes to my own daughter, I'm very foreward in reminding her that if she doesn't want a baby, don't have sex.
She knows that there are ways to help prevent an unwanted pregnancy, but the only surefire way is to not do it.
She knows that to have sex is to risk not only getting pregnant but also puts her at risk of getting an std.
I think if more parents where blunt with their kids, more open, more honest, it would help out wonders.
Kids have a naturl urge to want to know. Instead of just telling them "don't do it" tell them WHY they shouldn't.
It's kind of like punishing a child without telling them why they got in trouble in the first place. If you don't tell them they will never know.
Parents should arm their kids with tons of info on std's, pregnancy and all other risks that go with having sex. Not just at an early age but at ANY age.
Sex is sex whether it's done at 14 or 50 and the risks stay the same.
Don't be afraid or ashamed to talk to your kids about sex. Would you rather have them learn from friends, or experiance instead?
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10-08-2007 @ 3:07PM
Jill said...Try one of the many books at your local library or bookstore on the topic of "how babies are made". Many are appropriate for age 3 and up. I like http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0763613215/parenthacks1-20
by Robie H Harris "Its so amazing" and others. You're still on the hook dealing with questions, but I've found that if my kids aren't even aware that the topic might be embarrassing to someone, then it isn't embarrassing to me.
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10-08-2007 @ 3:14PM
LS said...I haven't reached this milestone yet, but coincidentally, I ended up sort of having this talk with my 18-year-old babysitter, who is like a sister to me. She has been on birth control for a couple of years, but is quick to point out that "abstinance only" really DOES work - if you choose to let it. Just like 'say no to drugs' or 'don't drink/don't drink and drive', saying no to sex is a personal choice, and nobody but you can make you change your mind.
So. How will I discuss the situation when it arises? Frankly, openly and honestly, (in an age-appropriate manner, if the questions start early) and with a heavy dose of "YOU are responsible for what you do" - in other words, if you don't want the child, the STD, or the potential guilt, then *don't have sex*. I will also tell him that yes, it may be the hardest decision he ever makes, but in the end, he's the one who has to live with the results.
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10-09-2007 @ 12:18PM
aprilw said...Thanks for your help Joy and Jill. My son is a VERY curious boy about everything, but I consider this a good thing (hard to answer all his questions sometimes, but I am glad he is so interested in the world around him).
Jill - that book looks like just the kind of thing we need! I live in Scotland and checked our local library but could not find anything age appropriate at that time. Now that I have a name I will see if they can order it in for me from another branch (they often have US books), or buy it from Amazon myself.
You guys are great! Thanks again.
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