Going to town

I have tried to stay out of the "smoking" posts and the last few days there have been quite a few and this time I must respond. I do smoke. I am not a bank robber nor do I "commit" acts against the law. I cannot smoke in any "public" place now which is more or less fine with me since I normally am out with my grandchildren who I don't smoke in front of anyway but give me a break. Your outside. In my car and in my home....it's my home and my car! Do you think smoke is the only bad thing your kids are breathing? If so, I have nothing more to say. God forbid I smoke but my grandkids are drug around all day to malls for shopping trips on high alert pollution days and are breathing in all that exast and whatnot. I think it's getting to be crazy.
As for the bad swearing....ever riden a school bus? I worked for the schools for 12 years and one year I took on the job of "school bus monitor", the money was to good to pass up (or so I thought) and you wouldn't even believe what I heard on that bus during the course of a year.

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Joy is right. The only times I'll bring up smoking with people outside are if:

1. It's my mom
2. I'm downwind in line at the bus stop, and would like them to hold my spot for me while I move upwind from them until the bus comes
3. They're right next to a playground, and upwind of us in which case they could kindly move 20 feet away - bit silly to hang out by a playground unless you have kids, anyway.

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I think most parents are protective of their children in that way. I'm amazed at how many young mothers drive in their cars with the windows up and small children sitting in the back seat or front and they're puffing away on a cigarette with the music sounding like thunder as they drive by. They're not only damaging their children's lungs, but they're damaging their ear drums.
More parents should be as Conscientious as you are.

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I'm with you, Roger. I even get upset when I'm around smoke or exhaust when pregnant!

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no. you're not the only one who thinks about those things. i also feel that you're perfectly with in sanity's range for thinking about it.

i have every respect for other people's rights regardless of my personal decsions on certain matters, smoking and cursing for the purposes of this post. i have noticed that people are respecting other people a lot less as time goes by. while that smoker has every right to smoke, but does he not have respect for your healthy children? that man dropping f-bombs has every right to use that language, but does he have the respect for your children in who's world suck language is way taboo?

if i were put in that situation, i would have just removed my child from the ill influences as quickly as possible. hey, they can do what they want just like i can. props for thinking about it for sure though! but, put on the other end of the situation, i cant count how many times i have caught my husband not paying attention and cursing infront of other people's children. nothing gets my blood boiling that seeing him being RUDE! ugh! what a butthead. he would be offended if it were our child hearing the foulness, so he should assume that other people wouldnt want their children exposed to the language either! if it was really bad, i apologize to the mother and ignore him for an hour or so. if it went un-noticed, then he gets a punch in the arm.

and i do sypathize and agree with joy up there. she has every right to smoke. its her choice and she's taking measures to do it away from the children in her life. but at the same time i'm not going to allow her to blow giant puffs into my child's face no matter what other toxins are in the air (just because you cant prevent sniffing some doesnt mean you should go all in and add a good whiff or two of smoke to his daily dose) and i would expect her to respect my child and i that she didnt do that. duh. and i agree with her on point about exposure. no matter how much we protect our babies they grow up and are exposed to all the evils of the world. as parents we have to talk to them and prepare them and hope they make the right decisions based on what we've talked about or examples we've set as parents.

bottom line, i feel that if people noticed and cared a little more about the person standing next to them then there would be a lot less problems in this big ole crazy world...

my goodness, i'm such a freakin hippy...

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Roger,

Offense, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder - not so civility. To be civil, a person must either internalize behaviors supporting appropriate, habitual decisions, or possess social awareness of surrounding circumstance and empathy for others, which combine to motivate appropriate behavior.

Disregarding social taboos is egocentric, and adolescent; only a stone’s throw from kids giggling at the phrase, “I’m keeping abreast of the situation.”

I am more disappointed with rude behavior than offended by it. As a society, how do we measure progress in this area: by counting tolerance of those bent on self-expression who pursue freedom of action albeit offensive, or counting behaviors reflecting social awareness and polite consideration for others?

We have no "right" to be offensive anywhere, we do have an “obligation” to be civil everywhere. Yet, we take into adulthood the baggage of childhood. As adults, we carry in one hand our parent’s bias and ignorance, in the other, we carry the ability to think and behave beyond what we carry in first hand.

The level of civility is a reflection of expectations and execution. For instance, I expect people to use Standard English when conversing with me. I see it as being polite and considerate. I also see it as setting a good example for kids, clarifying vagueness, and establishing a solid base of communication. For example, “Freakin hippie” is not a specific as “Past her prime hippie”. Sometimes it is the little things: not using the “Caps” key, not punctuating, and ignoring any need for grammar - which makes reading an adventure of sorts, yet tiring and ultimately boring.

Cursing to make a point, is like shouting just to get attention, or possibly a lack of familiarity with words meant to express specific meaning (you know, big ones). Cursing out of habit is merely pedestrian and sad, a possible reflection of exiguous training as a youth.

I agree with most of the posts stating removal of self and children is the best immediate reaction, but the correct response is to educate parents on the importance of their role in raising their Motel 6 by products to be civil.

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Glad to know I'm not alone! I've been teaching my son about smoking and how bad it is for your body so that when we're in a situation like that he will understand that i want to move away. He would even be loud about it especially if the smoker had a baby or small child with them. OH THAT POOR BABY he'd say. I was quite proud.

Then we went on a school trip to the zoo. I volunteered to chaperone as did a lot of other parents. I would say 75% of the parents smoked, right in front of the kids the entire day. You would think that wouldn't be allowed on a school trip with impressionable minds.

WIthin an hour my son started to pretend he was smoking.

I was livid.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

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Roger, what happened to your usual argument that kids need to know there are different people in the world who do things differently from our way, and that's what makes the world so wonderful? When I started reading your post, I was fully expecting you to brag about how pleased you were that your children were seeing all kinds of people - gays slobbering each other in public, folks with more body piercings than pores, cross-dressers, and people who have sworn off bathing until world peace is achieved - and being taught that all kinds of diversity are wonderful.

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