Jennifer, I agree with you. Her looks don't bother me, but her actions do.

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If it were me who had lost a child my face would be swollen with grief for a very long time. I could not tie a ribbon in my hair, I would not carefully chose my jewelery to match my crisp white shirt and although I would continue to get up everyday to make my remaining children's lives bearable I just would not be as cool calm and collected as Kate McCann seems to be. This doesn't make her guilty of killing her child but it does make us wonder where she stores her grief and wonder why it doesn't overwhelm her 3 weeks after the disappearance of her young daughter.

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Well, obviously, looks do play a part in our judgments. Did she do it, directly? Did she have a direct role in whatever crime was committed? I don't know. Is she responsible? She left her 3 very young children in a hotel room so she could have dinner with some friends. Whatever happens to those children, she's guilty. I have no sympathy, and were it not for the other children who deserve to have a mother in their life, I'd think she should be charged with something regardless.

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I don't know Caelligh...I would be a mess..I wouldn't give a crap what I wore or if my teeth were even gross. The fact that my child was missing...I wouldn't be able to cope let alone give interviews. My gut would be all twisted inside. This is actually something that my NIGHTMARES were made of in my nightmares. I checked my kids in bed and asleep till they moved out of the house. I think I'm one of those people who wouldn't ever recover.
I'm not judging either. I haven't followed the story really close either...I'm just saying as a Mother....My eyes would be red and my face would be swollen AND I would be a mess and wouldn't even be wearing earings let alone anything that matched. I agree with Judy.

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I also had that feeling of why did these parents leave the kids alone at night in a foreign country. I don't allow my 3 year old to leave my sight in a public place, much less leaver her home alone while I go eat. Maybe its a different culture but at the same time as parents, these babies are our responsibility. Whatever happened, Mom and Dad or a responsible adult should have been watching those kids.

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When my son was in intensive care after being dropped down the stairs, I must have seemed very much like Mrs McCann. I was in shock, and I saved my grief for the privacy of the bathroom, because I have always been uncomfortable sharing my emotions.

I hate to think that people might have taken my lack of visible emotion to be an indication of guilt on my part.

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@ Jess

I have not been following this story so I have no opinion on the mother's guilt. But I must take issue with your insinuating that the fact that she takes care in her appearance and is restrained on television reflects poorly on her. You don't know what's going on inside her head. You don't know what her coping mechanisms might be.

Of COURSE her appearance has nothing to do with her guilt. It also has nothing to do with her as a mother or as a person in grief. How judgmental can you be?

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I don't know what one's appearance has to do with it. When there has been great trauma in my family I did not appear overwrought - nor did I hide my distress - merely that for me I do not cry until everything is over! I have found with myself that having a cool head and remaining calm helps things go better, and if I were this mom I would be trying to remain calm and hopeful that my daughter would be okay. I know this has freaked out co-workers of mine who are astounded at how calm I am in times of crisis, but I have no good way to explain that I don't feel distressed at the time. But once I am rescued or my loved ones are safe then there is plenty of time to break done and weep.

So, I don't judge this mom by her effect right now - it tells us nothing about her guilt or innocence. Reading people's body language can be quite misleading in times of crisis, and body type and dress are even more misleading.

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I was under the impression that lots of people leave their kids alone while on vacation. I thought it was an English thing and not really a big deal to them. I suspect that I'm correct, but it's different parenting/social circles that do it.

I know a lady who was convinced that her son was being molested by her husband. She never got anywhere in the courts because she never showed an ounce of emotion. She was as calm as a person could be. Cold, actually. I don't think people trust a mother who's not blubbing. I don't know if her son was actually molested, but I do know that she believed it with her whole heart. She was "too strong", though and it was perceived as a woman trying to screw her husband in the divorce.

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"I was under the impression that lots of people leave their kids alone while on vacation. I thought it was an English thing and not really a big deal to them. I suspect that I'm correct....",

I think that English people would take offense at this suggestion. Mr and Mrs McCann left their children alone and unsupervised in a foreign country. English people find this just as concerning as everybody else does. I think you would take offense if someone generalised in such a way about Americans.

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Sorry, Jess. I lived there for a few years and it seemed like taking kids on vacation and putting them in the child programs is what a great many people did. Leaving them in the room, just a bit away from the dining room doesn't seem a far stretch.

I can't put any specifics on it and that's why I called it an impression.

Frankly, I'd be more comfortable leaving my kids alone in a locked room than I would leaving them with strangers whom someone else has told me are "ok". *shudder*

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@ Caelligh

Yes that is what I said, her appearance and demeanor have nothing to do with her guilt or innocence. It has everything to do with whether she engenders sympathy and maybe a feeling of trust in others and in particular, the media.

But then again when someone takes the stand in a court of law how does the jury judge a testimony. Is it by what a person says or is it based on their appearance and demeanor? We all look for signs of humanity in others and we don't tend to trust people who appear cold.

I have no firm opinion either way on the issue of this person's guilt or innocence. Both parents chose to leave the children alone and so both are guilty of neglect. Why is the focus of mistrust on the mother? Because she does not behave in a way that most people, in particular mothers, feel that they would behave.

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