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The truth about gossip
Filed under: Just For Moms, Big Kids, Just For Dads
I've been thinking about gossip a lot lately. Not about doing it, but about not doing it. I've never been one to start rumors or spread gossip about someone else, but I will admit that I have listened when others have. It doesn't make me feel very good about myself, but more importantly, it sets a bad example for Ellie.
Why do people gossip in the first place? Researchers say that gossiping can strengthen social ties, spread social norms and help put the word out about someone who might be untrustworthy. That may be true, but that seems to put a rather positive spin on what, in my experience, mostly serves to make the gossiper feel somehow better about him or herself.
A new study published this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, shows that people put so much stock in gossip that it often trumps their own first-hand knowledge of a person. The actual study involved some complicated game playing among undergraduate students, but the bottom line was that people will believe negative things about a person even when they know better. Why is this?
I thought the kind of vicious mean-spirited gossiping that went on in high school ended there. But apparently not. I've been surprised lately at how many parents gossip about other parents - in front of their children no less. I know this because I have heard things about myself from Ellie, who heard it from friends, who clearly heard it from adults. It saddens to me to see this behavior in those who are old enough to know better. And it breaks my heart to see those who are too young to know better being taught how to do it.
Why do people gossip in the first place? Researchers say that gossiping can strengthen social ties, spread social norms and help put the word out about someone who might be untrustworthy. That may be true, but that seems to put a rather positive spin on what, in my experience, mostly serves to make the gossiper feel somehow better about him or herself.
A new study published this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, shows that people put so much stock in gossip that it often trumps their own first-hand knowledge of a person. The actual study involved some complicated game playing among undergraduate students, but the bottom line was that people will believe negative things about a person even when they know better. Why is this?
I thought the kind of vicious mean-spirited gossiping that went on in high school ended there. But apparently not. I've been surprised lately at how many parents gossip about other parents - in front of their children no less. I know this because I have heard things about myself from Ellie, who heard it from friends, who clearly heard it from adults. It saddens to me to see this behavior in those who are old enough to know better. And it breaks my heart to see those who are too young to know better being taught how to do it.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-17-2007 @ 1:55PM
Amanda said...my in laws...if they are talking, they are gossiping. grown @$$ adults. talking about their grown children and their families. I have fallen right into their little games sooooo many times. It has caused big problems for me and my husband in the past. It took me a long time to believe my husband when he said that his parents & family were liars and to believe that he was sticking up for me! I would hear something through the grapevine that his mother, cousin, aunt, brother and/or sister said and it would only be partially true but I would be so hurt and angry that I would just mouth off to the first person I ran into. I have learned that you have to just smile and nod to his family, say as little as possible and just shrug the rest off. I cannot continue to defend myself to these people or I'll go insane and quite frankly, if they all want to believe what people are saying about me, then fine, believe it and leave me alone!
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10-17-2007 @ 3:02PM
Joy said...I'm just as guilty of this as most others I'd "assume" but I sure try hard not to do it. To help me remember I think to the Little House episode where Mrs. Olson had that gossip column in the local paper and it REALLY hurt people and ruined some lives. It helps me to have a positive outlook and remember others feelings.
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10-17-2007 @ 3:41PM
Ethel said...Oh, I think you and the readers are mistaking malicious statements for gossip - a common mistake. There are those that will use gossip covertly for their own interests to work against others for whatever reason - called triangulating. Mean girls are the best at it, but there are some men that are really good too. But, gossip is really about checking in and following folks that you may not see very much. The rule is if you hear someone talking down about someone speak up and refute them, gossip isn't about the juice but about community.
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10-17-2007 @ 10:00PM
David Robinson said...Socrates had 3 way test when someone wanted to tell him about someone else:
Is it true? i.e. do you really know or have you just been told. If it is tell me about it.If not-
Is it a credit to the person? If so tell me. If not-
Will it benefit society for it to be known? If yes tell me. If not don't tell me.
If we all applied these rules gossip could only be good.
David Robinson
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