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Delay tactics at bedtime
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Development/Milestones: Babies, Bedtime
Nolan has recently discovered that by making various inane requests, he can extend his bedtime by about half an hour. Since bedtime is equitable with the Swirling Fires of Hades to his two-year-old mind, this half an hour is like gold. Precious. Valuable. Worth a desperate amount of effort.
We read three books every night and, without fail, after the third book closes shut, his little knuckles appear from under the quilt and he sticks up one finger.
"One more, Mommy, one more?"
"One more, then night-night?"
"Yes," he agrees, but I am here to tell you: two year olds lie.
I read him another book, but then he wants water. Soon after returning wit a sippy of refreshment, he says his eczema is itchy. I cannot argue that, so I get out some cream. Next, he has a stomach ache. Then his pants are too tight. Then he has pooped his diapers (a quick sniff confirms that no, actually, he has not.)
It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that my two year old was successfully manipulating me. I finally had to back out of his room, ignoring his cries that he was cold (he had a blanket and flannel PJs on and I had the thermostat high) and shut the door firmly.
Every night I wade through the excuses, usually allowing him one or two, but stopping at the forth of fifth. Enough is enough. Except when he busts out the eczema itchy excuse. That one seems too cruel to ignore.
How do you thwart the dreaded bedtime delay tactics?
We read three books every night and, without fail, after the third book closes shut, his little knuckles appear from under the quilt and he sticks up one finger.
"One more, Mommy, one more?"
"One more, then night-night?"
"Yes," he agrees, but I am here to tell you: two year olds lie.
I read him another book, but then he wants water. Soon after returning wit a sippy of refreshment, he says his eczema is itchy. I cannot argue that, so I get out some cream. Next, he has a stomach ache. Then his pants are too tight. Then he has pooped his diapers (a quick sniff confirms that no, actually, he has not.)
It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that my two year old was successfully manipulating me. I finally had to back out of his room, ignoring his cries that he was cold (he had a blanket and flannel PJs on and I had the thermostat high) and shut the door firmly.
Every night I wade through the excuses, usually allowing him one or two, but stopping at the forth of fifth. Enough is enough. Except when he busts out the eczema itchy excuse. That one seems too cruel to ignore.
How do you thwart the dreaded bedtime delay tactics?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
10-21-2007 @ 12:56PM
Jill said...I allow none. Three books come over to the rocker and if you fuss, only two. Keep fussing? Only one. Then I go for the songs. I'll sing a long time unless you start clinging "don't go mama!", then I give my kisses and I'm outta there. I'm a tough cookie and they've learned.
Do it once, its a treat.
Do it twice, its a pattern.
Do it thrice and you're in for the long haul (or have a habit to break)
Reply
10-21-2007 @ 1:22PM
Margaret said...Do the excema cream right after his bath, so it's not on the table later. It's really good to do that once a day anyhow, and that way you he won't have a legitimate excuse to delay bedtime.
But you go girl! You seem to be getting a grip on this, and everybody knows that it's not easy.
Reply
10-21-2007 @ 1:36PM
SAM said...It is easy. I think it took about a week of them trying to prolong it, but they soon learned that bed time meant I'll see you in the morning. I have three kids and I have had to sit with each of them maybe one night and I left when they were still awake. I guess I sound tough, but I don't have bed or naptime issues. Everyone gets tucked in, kissed, I love yous, and that's it.
Reply
10-21-2007 @ 2:58PM
Eva said...I heard something about giving them one or two "request passes" and once they are used up for the night, that's it, it's bedtime. Maybe that might work.
Reply
10-21-2007 @ 4:06PM
Joy said...I didn't give in to many exuses either. I didn't even read betime stories in bed. We did that together in the "special" reading place before we did the bedtime routine. One more drink is about the only thing I fell for and only once. I just never wanted to get into all those things so I just never started.
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10-21-2007 @ 6:02PM
Wendy said...You could always start the bed-time routine half an hour earlier (if you're going to be in there anyway).
Reply
10-21-2007 @ 7:46PM
Melissa said...I've figured out all the excuses, and I make preparations to ensure they don't stall bedtime.
Every night, we mount the stairs with a full sippy of water, a couple of engines that he likes to sleep with, and all the creams and etc. we need. Then we read our book. I allow him to put two books into the crib to read until he's sleepy, load in the engines, throw in the sippy, and put in his blanket and pillow (which, during naptime, he tosses out. Every day. Why? I don't get it.)
No other requests are honored. Period. He signs for milk every night, but he's got water so he's not thirsty and it's not good after teeth brushing, anyway, so I stand firm.
The only thing I know to do is to establish my routine and stick to it, period. If there's screaming because he doesn't get his way, then oh well. I don't know if that's good parenting or bad; I suppose only time will tell. But this is the only thing I can think of to do. Hopefully, he'll learn what to expect from me and it will be good for him. Hopefully.
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10-22-2007 @ 10:22AM
Jessica said...I don't stray from the routine. If my daughter is genuinely distressed about something, I take care of it. Otherwise, any stalling gets two "no"'s and I'm out the door.
We have always been firm with bedtimes. She has always been a fantastic sleeper and will quietly play, sing, or read if she is absolutely not ready to sleep. I actually like that she stays up later than when we put her down (most nights). She is completely comfortable being by herself. I think, just like us, they need alone time also. I veered off topic a bit, sorry.
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