Me time

You have a NANNY! AND your complaining?? I dont want to sound rude but who the heck cares. Ive got two kids 2yrs and 5 months, and I'm going to college full time, my husband works 9-5 all week as well. We havnt been on a real date in.. well.. I dont even remember the last date we went on. I havnt had any ME time since before my second son was born. My husband and I also fight about this though, neither of us get any good alone time. Wish I had a good solution for you, but as it stands with us right now there just isnt time to focus on ourselves. I knew having kids was going to take away from time that I could spend doing things for myself, so I'm not too upset about not getting me time. What I would really like is some real SLEEP!!! Its been over 8 months since I had 6 hours of straight sleep without any interruptions!
Just so you know I think you may irritate some people out there with your post. Not many of us can afford a nanny, if I could I dont think I would be complaining to the non-nanny hiring bunch about not getting enough ME time. Suck it up big boy, life isnt about you anymore.

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what is this me time you speak of? I know I've heard of it before but I just don't think I've ever had any for myself!
My husband works 6 days a week usually 10 hours a day and I work the usual 40 mon-fri. He works and pays the bills and I work and bring the kids to and from daycare, cook and clean and bathe kids and feed them and clean the house and do the laundry and vacuum the floor and mop the floor...... the list is on a continuous loop. I usually run like a mad woman on the weekends, determined to do whatever it is that I want to do. of course, I have to be able to do that with the kids in tow because I only get a babysitter maybe once a month and that is so I can tag along with my husband doing whatever it is HE wants to do.
ME time is the bane of our marriage! He gets it, every day and 99.9% of the time he has off! He feels like he deserves more than I do because he works longer hours than I do (even though several of those hours are spent playing cards on the internet or chatting with me on the phone)and brings home more bacon than I do. I think I deserve more because I actually DO more. My job NEVER ends, I work at an office 8 hours a day and then I work at home another 8. I love my kids and being with them and all but I want to just be alone in complete silence sometimes and dammit I don't want to have to leave the house to get it!

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thanks...now I'm fuming, I think I'll call my husband and chew on him a little :D

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We have 5 kids. My husband works hard. He works long hours and sometimes needs to travel for work. He does very well. I am fortunate to be able to stay home with my children. I enjoy them. Me time comes at 8:30 every night. Me time consists of a shower alone, a magazine and a chat on the phone with a girlfriend. My kids are here because I wanted them to be here. No nanny needed in this house. I am happy to pick up the peanut butter knives myself. Raising my kids is the best job I have ever taken. The me time will come when they are grown. I have no sympathy for your situation. Most don't have it as easy as you. Please stop whining and may I suggest you feed those fish yourself.

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I don't care if you have a nanny or not, I'm sure you never feel like you get enough me time. I have a friend who is a nanny and she said she can completely understand why this couple she works for feels this way too. I think some people are just jealous he has a nanny...I know I am. People would have complained about it whether he has a nanny or not! That's what they do.

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Wait? There are actual parents who get ME TIME? I have to meet these paradoxes.

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lol Sheri I couldn't have said it better myself.

Try being a single parent living on less $40,000 or less. I can't even afford the fee to register for school to get a better education ( I am in pc's and the wage here has dropped so much because everyone has thier degree's , average was $20/hr+ now it is $10) I work 2 jobs and get no child support because my ex doesn't work/ can't keep a job.

Count your blessings , you have a wife and a nanny, a great job . Maybe you should cut back the hours a little.

What is me time? I also haven't slept a full 8 hrs in over 4 yrs.

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We changed the definition of me time. We have 4 kids under 4 (two newborn) so any real "me" time is pretty much impossible. So me time has become I get to make quick trips to the store a lone or I make sure we all leave daddy a lone to work on freelance in his office. It sounds silly but those small trips out make a huge difference for me. I crank up the radio in the car with not kid-friendly music and am able to whip through whatever errand I'm on with ease. Ease is such a luxury when it comes to having 4 small children-it pretty much doesn't exist in our house. And when we leave daddy a lone he can listen to his music and concentrate on what he’s doing-concentrate what huh?! Redefining me time has made a huge difference in our lives, it’s realistic for now and as the kids grow I’m sure it will change.

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I just read through the comments and in regards to having a nanny...time is like money in that there is never enough and when you have a little extra it always finds ways of being taken up. So maybe you have a nanny and still don't have time for your self-it happens. I don't have a nanny and I'm really not jealous. The people I know who do have them,don't have it any easier or have more real free time then I do. It just comes down to raising kids is hard no matter how much help you have.

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Amen to Heather with 5 kids!

We have a 2 year old and a 7 month old. We own a business. We have a house. All of our time is spent raising the kids, running the business, and trying to keep up with the chores around the house. There is very, very little time or money left for other things. I try to be supportive when he wants to spend an evening with his friends, and he's supportive when I go up home to see my family (because that's how I recharge). The days of spending 8 hours curled up with a book, sleeping until noon, and getting a manicure and a pedicure aren't gone, but they're on hold for a few years while the kids are little and need so much, and that's the way it should be.

Steal odd moments of time when you can - especially during nap and after bedtime - and quit your bitching.

And quit keeping score. It is seriously bad for your marriage. Give selflessly, and don't expect things in return. Keeping score the way you describe is a fast track to marital problems.

Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

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Are you sorry you asked this question yet Jason??? Me time for me was on "those" days that I'd just had enough. My me time was pretty much the way Courtney described. I would just get in the car and do a quick trip to Target and wander around. Radio up loud in the car, bag of popcorn that I didn't have to share. That was good for me. I was a STHM and my husband had a family business that he LOVES so it's not like he hated his job. He was good when I needed this, very good. I also liked to soak in a hot tub and read and take a nap. Even though your away from home working, that doesn't mean your out having fun. You still need time to "play".
Having a nanny is really nice though I can't imagine it. Nobody I know ever had one though my cousin was one and she said at times it was hard. Your living in someone else's home and it is hard knowing when to retreat to your "room" and give them the space they need. It must be hard to share your home. I can't imagine that. This is something you have to give and take on and you need to give your wife her time too.
It's hard to imagine when your in the middle of things, you will have "me time" sooner than you think and then you'll think back and want all the mayhem back....if only for a moment.

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I agree with all of these comments. There is no "ME" in "FAMILY"! what do you need "me" time to recouperate from? Your job? Then spend more time at home! Your wife & kids? Then whay do your have a family? Life isn't about "me" any longer. I have a 30 minute commute to and from work every day while my daughter is in daycare. That's my "me" time. The rest of my life is centered around spending time with my daughter and how I can do more of that. Having a fun time with her is how I re-charge.
I'm sure you are greatful for what you have but it seems to me your perspective has gotten askew and maybe you need some time to re-focus. You are immensley privilegded.

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Whining and bitching? Please - it's a valid issue that many families struggle with. It doesn't look to me that he's trying to find ways to play more golf with his buddies. "Me time" to me means snippets of time here and there to clear my head and regroup. It actually helps me to parent better -- I believe in the "oxygen mask" theory - take care of yourself and then you are better equipped to care for the ones who rely on you. My hat is off to single parents - that's a challenge I am grateful I do not have to face, but in two parent families- why is seeking balance seen negatively?

I am part of a two-income family. We work very hard at our paying jobs and then the rest of our time is spent focused on our family. We have the "me time" discussion often and the crux of the issue really is balance. I think we are better parents when we achieve balance between work and home life, between family and alone time and between parents themselves. Further to Amanda's comment - often one parent doesn't understand that an imbalance exists, and how that can lead to resentment.

What's the deal with the bitterness towards his nanny situation? I've had both live-in, live-out and now daycare for my children - in most households nannies are not 24x7 "luxuries" - they care for your kids while you aren't there and then their work day ENDS too. Also when you are talking about multiple children, the difference in price between nannies and daycare are not as drastic as many seem to think.

I don’t get why requests for constructive feedback on an issue that is faced by most parents instantly garners such judgment. Parenting and martyrdom are not synonymous.

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Amy-thanks I was just getting ready to say that :) He just wants some advice and gave us a little insight into his life. I don't think this post came off as bitching at all-in any sense of the word. And really so what if it did-we're allowed to bitch from time to time!

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My "me" time will come back to me eventually, when I am an old lady sitting by the window. I imagine I will be reminencing (cant spell it) about how crazy my life used to be!

Sorry your life is so hectic. Maybe you have too many kids! Sometimes people dont think about that aspect of parenting. Anyways, good luck trying to figure it all out, and just try to be present with your kids when you're all together.

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I commented before but it doesn't look like it went through.

It's a shame that people have to be so judgemental. Just because you don't require any "me" time doesn't mean there is any reason to be so nasty to someone who does. Nastiness on this site a lot lately.

Jason, my husband and I each take about ten minutes in the evenings. I'll t ake mine when he gets home from work (i get off work earlier, as a teacher). He'll take his after I am done. It usually entails walking outside and taking a breath of fresh air, making a phone call, etc.

Real "me" time. Maybe once a month we each do something alone. Not anything big deal. I got a haircut last week and it was wonderful. He may stop by a friend's house for twenty minutes on the way home and share a beer. Maybe once a month he'll play golf....maybe I'll go paint pottery or work on a mosaic.

In the grand scheme of things, with both of us working during the day and being caregiver's and housemaid's during the evening, there isn't a lot of time. But, like the others said, just going to Target, or something similar, is usually enough to get me through.

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You have to schedule your ME time like you schedule everything else. Otherwise, you will never get it and you'll always fill it up with the mundane. I am a SAHM with two children (3 and 2) and a limited income. Considering you are getting date nights and poker weekends, you are getting a lot more than I am.

I think whoever said that you need to stop keeping track had the right idea. Sometimes life is harder than at other times, and sometimes you feel like you are giving all the time and never getting anything. Then other times, you are on the receiving end with nothing to give. I think it all balances out in the end. Just being aware of your wife's stress, and helping her to be aware of yours should help. It's not a competition.

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Sorry if I sounded bitchy before, I'm just jealous. My husband and I argue about me time alot. He takes time for himself everyday and gets mad when I want to do something by myself. I guess I do get away from the kids once inawhile, I go to school two nights a week for 4 hours. Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for being a crab ass. As for how to get more me time without a fight? Try using a date night as me time for each of you, split up and do something that your spouse wouldnt enjoy and you do, missing one date with each other to have some me time might be benificial for you both!

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Me thinks you want/need too much . Just live and love - these days are short and one day those "no-me time" kids will be, first of all, don't want to be with you anyway, and then gone, and then you are alone (i.e, together) just having soooo.. much "me or us" time you don't know what to do. Mum

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There is an "I" in family and I believe everyone in a family needs "I" time. Both my sons get time to themselves, either playing, watching TV, reading books, or taking naps. This is an everyday thing.

As a parent and spouse, I make sure that my husband and I have "I" time. It happens shortly after 8:00 at night. Both boys go to bed at 8:00 and we watch TV, get on our computers, read a book, do school work, basicly whatever we want till we go to bed. Sometimes we have chores to do, like put away a few clothes or like now we have a new baby, but after 8:00, it's "I" time.

For those of you who don't have it, I'm sorry, I would strongly recommend it. And this is coming from a housewife and spouse of someone that works all day.

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