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Middle school fashion bullies
Filed under: Just For Moms, Big Kids, Teens, Places To Go, Media, Day Care & Education, Decor, That's Entertainment
When I was in school, there were very few designer labels available for kids. We had Izod and Gloria Vanderbilt, but very few kids were wearing them. Generally, if your clothes were clean and well-matched, it was all good. These days, however, things have changed. It seems that women's obsession with fashion has trickled down to their daughters and middle school has become the new fashion proving grounds.
High-end clothing and accessory designers like Marc Jacobs and Armani are now targeting children and creating more opportunity for girls to judge and exclude other girls. Dorothy Espelage, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, says this proliferation of designer clothing for girls has resulted in an increase in "bullying related to clothes", pitting the haves against the have-nots. As if fitting in with your peers at that age wasn't difficult enough, she says the ability to buy expensive clothing gives some "the opportunity to become popular -- and that protects you and gives you social power and leverage over others."
13-year-old Becky Gilker agrees. "The better brands you wear, the more popular you are," she says. "If you don't wear those things you get criticized." And it isn't just the label - or lack of - on your clothes that can make you a target. When Becky wears pink, she says, "I get the snarky 'Nice clothes!' when people walk by in the halls."
This just makes me mad. Where do you suppose a girl learns to treat other people like that? Personally, I don't blame the designer labels, I blame the parents. Specifically, the mom who herself judges others by their clothes and passes on those values to her child. The mom who freely disparages others in front of her impressionable kid. I know that the social life of a young girl is a complicated thing, but teaching a child to be respectful of others is not. Maybe I am living in a dream world, but I strive each and every day to stress to Ellie that it is not only important to be yourself and not be influenced by others, but that it is just as important to allow others to be who they are.
High-end clothing and accessory designers like Marc Jacobs and Armani are now targeting children and creating more opportunity for girls to judge and exclude other girls. Dorothy Espelage, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, says this proliferation of designer clothing for girls has resulted in an increase in "bullying related to clothes", pitting the haves against the have-nots. As if fitting in with your peers at that age wasn't difficult enough, she says the ability to buy expensive clothing gives some "the opportunity to become popular -- and that protects you and gives you social power and leverage over others."
13-year-old Becky Gilker agrees. "The better brands you wear, the more popular you are," she says. "If you don't wear those things you get criticized." And it isn't just the label - or lack of - on your clothes that can make you a target. When Becky wears pink, she says, "I get the snarky 'Nice clothes!' when people walk by in the halls."
This just makes me mad. Where do you suppose a girl learns to treat other people like that? Personally, I don't blame the designer labels, I blame the parents. Specifically, the mom who herself judges others by their clothes and passes on those values to her child. The mom who freely disparages others in front of her impressionable kid. I know that the social life of a young girl is a complicated thing, but teaching a child to be respectful of others is not. Maybe I am living in a dream world, but I strive each and every day to stress to Ellie that it is not only important to be yourself and not be influenced by others, but that it is just as important to allow others to be who they are.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)
10-30-2007 @ 1:25PM
Marcia said...I definately didn't wear the latest name brand clothes in high school or middle school. I always believed that it doesn't really matter what you wear so much as your personality. The main thing I want to instill in my daughter is respect and kindness to others. I do not believe in harassing someone just because they can't afford the best of everything.
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10-30-2007 @ 2:37PM
Melissa said...It was like this when I was in school, too.
I remember when you "had" to carry your gym clothes to school in a Gap or Limited bag. One of my aunts got me a bunch of bags for Christmas! It seems silly now, but it mattered to me back then.
I never had trendy, branded clothes. I turned out ok.
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10-30-2007 @ 2:50PM
Ethel said...Heck, those gals were around 25 years ago too - I got heckled for having high water pants, and since I was so tall and somewhat chubby I sure as heck was not going to be able to wear what my 5' 2"
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10-30-2007 @ 3:59PM
Ann Adams said...Some things never change. My mother made almost all my clothes (beautifully) which certainly made me feel more of an outsider than I already did.
As soon as I could, I got a part time job and bought a couple of my own outfits. Cheap sweater sets and skirts (the 50's, remember) and tried to fit in in the days of the poodle skirt and penny loafers.
Now I look back at what my mom did and realize how high quality my clothes were.
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10-31-2007 @ 1:01AM
Dashin Fashion said...I think the best solution for this is to have school uniforms.
I have an 11 year old who could have cared less about designer labels until this year when some of her friends started upgrading their wardrobes.
I think it's fine to have outfits for special ocasions but the daily pressure at school should be avoided.
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10-31-2007 @ 8:06PM
Marcia said...I am a huge proponent of school uniforms, mostly for exactly this reason. For one, they are cheaper, they are cute today, they are washable, and no one is upstaging anyone else at school. They can wear what they want after school. Some of the public schools here now have uniforms, others don't. I went through 12 years of school with uniforms and turned out just fine.
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10-31-2007 @ 8:27PM
leigh said...I remember the bullies from middle school. The worst of the group came into my work one day, and struck up a conversation with me behind her. We were talking about school and she said "Oh- I went there too" and I said I was aware of that and told her who I was. She sheepishly remembered, knowing damn well what her and the heathers put me through.
I was the anestheisiologist for her boob job.
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10-31-2007 @ 8:34PM
cyrshal said...i could care less means just what it says ie.you have some care: if you want to say that you don't have any care say i could NOT care less because you have no care .
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11-01-2007 @ 8:53AM
chiba said...i rarely wore clothes with others names on them[cept for levi]to me it was the cut and material that counted.
since i was more than a little muscular most of my clothes were tailored,what i didnt realize then[but well do now-being even more muscular and design what i want to wear;even in court]is that the compliments i was getting[and the brief but lingering touches]were all about my body and far less than my clothes.
if u want uniforms move to japan,personally i think the loss in individuality
is a loss to us all.threre is always gonna be a better dreaser,r better body r more money.better to learn it in school and deal w/it.myselve,i was confused by the attention,became shy[the girls thot i was a snob r gay]
u should see the quality of the handmade clothes amish clildren get to wear[yes, i am a snob because i prefer the comfort of handmade clothes of the best materials-but with my name on it]
Reply
10-31-2007 @ 8:50PM
bkwormsjv said...I agree that giving kids one more reason to pick on each other isn't a heartwarming picture. But I'm not sure that uniforms are the answer, either. Granted, it gives them less material to worth with, but I remember how important it was for me to express myself at that age. And let's face it- some people just look better in uniforms than others.
I tend to see the root problem (like the author) as being the upbringing of those children who snipe. Even if we make everyone wear uniforms, kids inclined to demean others would find something else to pick on. Until we deal with that need to belittle and put down, trying to stop the surface issues will just force the problem to change form.
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10-31-2007 @ 8:51PM
maria said...As the mother of a teenage daughter, I know brands can SEEM important... I give her a budget, she can spend it wisely or not..its up to her if she blows her budget on one designer outfit.... I pround to say she spends her budget wisely and goes for the look that compliments her and not the brand. Brands are only important because magazine and articles like this make it. By the way, she is popular in a school with over 3800 kids.... go figure, at the end of the day, its you confidence, not your brand....
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11-01-2007 @ 11:28PM
sean said...wow, i'm 14, and I have never been in abercrombie, american eagle, hollister and that other stuff. its a waste of money. i get nice looking clothes at steve and barrys for less than half the price. and i never get picked on, so maybe there are no fashion bullies for guys ;)
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10-31-2007 @ 9:38PM
junior high student said...Lucky for me i go to a school with a uniform so that takes away most of the pressure. But then theres still the how tight do you wear your shirt, how much do you roll your skirt, what shoes you wear, what bag you have (vera bradley, coach, and juicy couture bags are popular) what cell phone you have, what kind of accessories you wear, etc etc causes some mocking but usually no one makes fun of you for what bag you have.
(mine is a cute cheap bag from forever 21 that i love)
an opinion from an 8th grader.
~skye
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10-31-2007 @ 9:42PM
Rob The Wize said...Great.....more reasons to make kids more of an asshole than they already are
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10-31-2007 @ 9:52PM
Ann Schultz said...I blame the parents for allowing such shallow values to infect their children. I went through school in the '60s and early '70s and wore Neiman-Marcus and several other prominent high end brands because this is where my mother shopped for herself. Nobody cared about this BS because it was just what it was and kids were worried and stressed about other social issues related to fitting in that were primarily related to personalities. I can remember only one kid in third grade whose mother was so insecure about her family's status that she was actually ashamed at having to buy her daughter's clothes at Sears, so she would cut out the Sears label and sew in a Neiman-Marcus label in the girl's clothing! When the girl told me this, even at the tender age of third grade (1962-63) I was incredulous because nobody cared where other kids bought their clothing.
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10-31-2007 @ 9:55PM
Margaret said...I was a heavy metal head banger (1985) and hardly wore designer anything. I wore moccasin boots and my Def Leppard union jack shirts daily. All the cliques turned their noses up at me. The only designer I had somewhat of an interest in was Guess jeans with the zippers on the ends and anything ESPRIT. I still have my ESPRIT shoulder bag.
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11-02-2007 @ 12:55AM
Lanette said...it's always the mothers fault.
you know at times you can find designer clothes for cheap prices----why assume all parents---oh MY BAD moms are spending tons of money on clothes.
everything isn't always about have's and have nots.
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10-31-2007 @ 10:03PM
debra said...You go to school to learn.not keep up with the jones.Thats what my dad told me.I never did figure out who the jones were.lol
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10-31-2007 @ 10:10PM
Carol said...While school uniforms can help in some segments of society, it isn't the cure-all that you might think! I knew kids that went to parochial school and wore uniforms. First of all, there can be more than one supplier -- one is high end and the other is not. Also, the little brats can tell the haves from the have-nots via accessories! Hel-lo! It happens all the time. I will say the biggest brats I have seen have parents in denial - they were unpopular in school so are overprotective of their monsters-in-the-making!
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10-31-2007 @ 10:39PM
fran93420 said...It's really sad when a woman/girl's self esteem is all wrapped up in what she is wearing on the outside. It's what is on the inside that really matters. Time for universal school uniforms...
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