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Study: women in their thirties make better mothers
Filed under: Just For Moms, Babies
I had Nolan a few months after I turned 30. Not old, by any stretch, but certainly not dewy-eyed chick, either. For me, really, it was the perfect age. My twenties were a blurry cocktail of travel, career, and late-night cocktails -- I shudder to think of myself as a Mother at any age prior to around 29-and-a-half.Even at the age of 30, I was the first of my friends to give birth. Increasingly, it seems, women are waiting until they're established in their careers, find a perfect mate, get rid of all that itch underneath their skin. And a new study published by UK Professor Elizabeth Gregory claims that all this advanced maternal age stuff is actually a very good thing.
Among the reasons Ms. Gregory pinpoints as reasons thirty-somethings make better Mothers? Balance in personal and career goals, financial prowess, better management skills and a stronger network of close friends.
Her reasons certainly resonate with me, though some mornings, when Nolan is flailing on the bathroom floor in a ruckus about wanting to flush the toilet, I wish idly that I'd started birthing at twenty, so I could be off sunbathing on a Greek island in 5 years, with my baby out of the house and on his way to college.
What about you? Do you think your age is a big factor in your ability to parent?












ReaderComments (Page 5 of 14)
11-04-2007 @ 10:19AM
shonny87654 said...Hmm after reading this article it made me a little (just a little!) mad....I am 20 and have a 16 month old son and I am pregnant with my second who will be born when I am 21 and I personally think I am a great mother, I didnt think it was fair for the author to generalize it so much and say that older moms do a better job because in my opnion it all depends on the woman...My husband and I both have associate degrees and are working towards higher and we also both have jobs. I work in a prescool/childcare center and see all kinds of mothers everyday, some of my studens moms are 40 and some are in their 20s and they are all soo different I see 40 year old moms who really have NO IDEA what they are doing and a 23 year old who has everything under control and vice versa so in my opinion it depends on the person and their values and priorities....I do know many people my age that i am friends with and I can say they are not ready for kids but i have others my age that are great with their kids soo once again it depends on the person. I would never take back having my son at a young age and neither would my husband he is a great husband and father (even though he is only 21)...but thats an entirely different blog :)
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11-04-2007 @ 10:20AM
Laura said...I unlike EVERYONE else with their comments WISHED I would have waited. Of course, I love the children that I have but if I could have the same three...then I would have waited 10 years. Now that mine are 31,28 and 23 and I am only 53....I miss not having them around. With 53 being the new 33 or whatever....I hated having "empty nest" at 48 years old. I envy my friends that still have children to care for while my husband and I sit here and miss the schedules, chaos, and reason to be home. You will always have to reach the "empty nest" point..I just think I would have been more ready for it in my late 50's rather than late 40's.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:23AM
lisa said...I am 43 yrs old. I had my daughters when I was 18 and 19 and tho they were blessings in my life the challenges of being a young mother were stressful but at the age of 38 I gave birth to a wonderful little boy and I feel that as an older parent my mind is more open, my patience level is much higher and I am more stable as a person than in my youth, no doubt that being an older parent has it's perks!
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11-04-2007 @ 10:23AM
Amy said...Sorry but it just isn't true. I know so many late blooming moms who's amazing patience seems to lead straight to overindulgence. It's almost as though they are so gratefull to have these children that they're afraid to reprimand them. These are the moms who sit in the back of the church loudly shushing their misbehaving children but never remove them to chastise the misbehavor.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:25AM
Fran said...I had my first and only child at 36 years old and I feel that it was the perfect age mentally for me because I was truly ready to take on the responsibility it takes to raise a child effectively in this world today, but doing it 10 years younger would have been alot easier on me physically.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:37AM
Tess said...Had my first child at 25 and the second at 36.
Being older was much easier. With age I've gotten less nervous, developed more patience, have better financial resources, and maybe gotten a little smarter. Having a child later in life also keeps us mentally and physically young longer. I probably take better care of myself because I want to be around to enjoy my adult children and grandchildren.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:43AM
Gail said...After 19 years of marriage and no other children I became pregnant at 44. We were completly surprised, scared and excited all at once! We really never planned on having children. We now have a beautiful daughter. She is so much fun and I'm glad I am older because we got to do so many things all those years. It's all about her now.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:42AM
Nikki said...I can personally say that motherhood is great at anytime. I had my first child when I was 21 and my last when I was 40. Children are 24,13,8 and 4 and I love them all. I guess age has taught me patience because according to my oldest the baby gets away with things he did not. Also I have learned what is important... it is better to save for a college fund than buy designer baby clothes.
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11-04-2007 @ 10:47AM
katzenmutter said...I was 43 when my daughter was born and savored every little new thing she did; I think I knew so much more about children and actually had more patience than I had in my 20s.
It must have worked. She's an Ivy League graduate, doing fascinating things, writes me notes telling me how lucky she is that I'm her mom, etc. And I never pushed her. She is the joy of my life and I am so fortunate to have her.
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11-04-2007 @ 11:16AM
Morgan said...I LOVE my daughter. I had her when I was 35. A few months later I turned 36 (she is not quite 18 months old). I was an athlete most of my life and a coach throughout my pregnancy. Even with that type of athleticism, I find myself so tired most days that I can't even fathom having another. Most of my friends have children who are now in their teens, so they can't relate to middle of the night diaper changes and chasing a tot around. The point is, women's bodies do change as we age and it seems as though we were physically meant to have babies in our younger years (twenties to be exact). However, on the flip side, would I have even been writing these comments twenty years ago when 30-somethings having babies was not as commonplace as it is today - what a great thing!
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11-04-2007 @ 12:18PM
Holly said...I had my daughter when I was 23. I had my son when I was 34 & I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I enjoyed having my daughter earlier in my life, but I wouldn't trade becoming a mother again in my 30's. I have so much more experience with my son & tons of patience. I truly believe that while it's great to have a child while your young, nothing compares to having children when your in your 30's.
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11-04-2007 @ 11:35AM
Cindy said...Sixteen years ago I had my daughter when I was 36. It was unusual back then to wait, especially in the south where I happened to be living at the time (I was often asked if my baby was my grandchild). I worried that one day my daughter would be embarrassed by having an older mother, but that has never happened, not even in her teens (in fact she says she's proud to be seen with me). I know for certain that by having waited I have been a much better parent. I'd had 36 years to be full of myself and had gotten that all out of the way. I wanted to be sure that my husband and I were on solid ground before bringing a child into the marriage. I came from a broken family and I would rather have no children than to put my child through that. This month we're celebrating our 25th...and it's been a good 25 years. I have had patience that I know I never would have had previously. I have been extremely attentive to her throughout the years and we have shared in a wonderful relationship. She is a great kid as a result and I've never experienced any of the contentious behavior often associated with teens. Most all of her friends do have significant problems with their parents and are amazed when my daughter tells them her parents are great (coincidence or not,their parents are 10 years or more younger). The only draw back to waiting this long is the biological clock. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and when I was ready to try again, it was too late. Still, I have no regrets and know that I did the best thing for my child by waiting. After all, it was all about her, not me.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:54PM
Jamie Leigh said...I hate this conversation and am sick of hearing it. I am 25 with three kids ages 5, 3 and 1. All of my children are healthy, loved, well-balanced individuals. My husband and I love them, provide for them and meet all of their needs. We would do the same if we were 30, 40 or 50.
I think that if moms would unite and opposed to compete with one another based on which age is best to raise a child, we could possibly raise a generation of open-minded children that lack discrimination based on petty lifestyle issues.
A good mom is a good mom, whether she is 25 or 50.
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11-04-2007 @ 11:52AM
Danaevonne said...I think good moms make good moms, and bad moms make bad moms...age is not always relevant. I had my daughter 2 weeks after my 20th birthday. She is now an 8-year-old third grader. She's extremely well-behaved, healthy, gorgeous, and the school wants to test her for Gifted and Talented because she's so incredibly bright. The pregnancy was 100% planned by both me and her father. I wanted to have my child earlier in life so that I could focus on career and travel later. I think that because of my young age, I understand more of what she's going through at every stage. I think it's great that a lot of moms are choosing to wait to start their families, but that doesn't necessarily make them better moms.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:03PM
Renee said...From my observation and experience(as a mother and a teacher) an older mom is a TIRED mom. I never wanted to have children in my 30's. I was married and 27 (old by my mom and grandmother's opinion) when I had my son and divorced a year later. Even with the challenges of raising a child as a divorced mom at 28...I was young enough to have the stamina and energy to run, bike ride, swing and climb in the park/playground, ice/roller skate and do everything else that should be done with a young child. Yes it's was difficult...but my son is now a 22 year old college graduate and now a gull time graduate student. No way would I want to have to raise a toddler or adolescent at this stage in my life. My friends and other people I know who waited til their 30's and 40's have the same challenges (day care, inflexible work schedules, divorce, etc.) that younger moms have and right now they are catching hell. As a teacher I observe that many of the older moms simply do not have the desire/energy to effectively deal with issues involving their children.
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11-04-2007 @ 11:54AM
Amy said...I gave birth to my daughter Jordan when I was 37 years old. She is now 9 months. To some degree I wish I had started sooner..the hardest part for me was the drastic change to every aspect of my life..after 37 years of doing things one way, it was difficult to adjust to that change. Other than that..I realize being a Mom at this age was probably the best choice..I am mature enough to handle the responsiblity and to make wise choices for her and secure enough my life to give her a stable upbringing.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:02PM
Jessica said...I had my daughter when I was 20. Celebrated my 21st birthday with my daughter on my lap. I was ready to have her, all grown up. Had all my fun, did all my partying. I guess it depends on the person really. Some take longer to grow up then others. I have the energy to take care of her, and suprisingly the patience too. I think that "older" mothers have more patience, but I also see most of them being a tad over protective. Let 'em live! In the end it's to each their own. I think that when you'r eready, you know you are. And if you're not, don't think that you will ever be.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:01PM
angie said...Wether your 20 or 60 when you have a child it changes you, you either love your children and do what is best for them or you care about yourself and you now have a child that has made life hard. What kind of person you are I believe depends on how you are going to raise your children, not age or money, its how you treat them, I think it does not matter what age you are but time is short and if you dont want to miss being a mother you should as soon as you are ready, I had my first child at 31 and Stage 2 Breast Cancer at 33, my second child became a dream very fast so dont listen to these moms that think because they are older they are better, you have them babies when you can cause my 6 year old is the reason I still get up in the morning and because Ive had 2 back surgeries this year its kainda hard but I do cause he is my world, And I do it alone because his father was cheating on me while I was going thru cancer, I left and got nothing, so here I am with a cancer teast coming up soon, still recovering from my back surgery, cant work and I guess I didnt have enough in to get disability so I just have no money really and yet I still find a way to take care of my child, I just dont like it when pople make other people feel bad like this artical, you have to be older to really take care of a child Im 40 and it seems to be alot harder to me.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:02PM
Peggy Moss said...I had both expeiences. I had 1 child at 21, one at 23, 1 at 30 and 1 at 35. I was a better mother to the last two than I was to the first two merely because I had more parenting skills and had learned more about children and myself. I feel a sense of loss for what I didn't have with my first two babies.
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11-04-2007 @ 12:04PM
angie said...Im 38
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