Parenting Size Six: Stupid things strangers say

Are they all yours? Don't you know what causes that?

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We have 5 kids born within a seven year span. -No twins. We get questions all of the time. The best was when and older woman stared in wonderment at my offspring, and my middle child who is four says 'Yes they are all our and my mom already knows she has her hands full". It was great.
My favourite response is "yes they are all mine, but they all have different fathers"
Not true, but still funny.

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You must have your hands full!
or
God bless you!(said in a tone of disbelief)

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I have to admit that before I had any children of my own I made an insensitive comment to some friends of ours who have five kids. I said "five kids! geeze ya'll are nuts!" yes... I said that! I didn't mean it like it sounded and of course there was no making up for it, hard as I tried :( it just came out and now that I have two kids of my own and want even more I feel like a bigger and bigger idiot every time we are around them.
Childless people just say stupid things and quite frankly I think you should say exactly what comes to mind! I wouldn't (and don't) bite my tounge. I once had a woman ask me if I loved being a mother and I responded gushingly with 'oh absolutely', she said "Really!?" so I said, No, I just say that so people won't call CPS on me. She was very shocked but I just laughed, I'm sure she knows I was just joking but I'm also sure it made her feel stupid for making such a dumb statement!

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"Are they all from the same father?"

:-)

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I laughed (afterwards) when I announced I was having another girl and a friend said "Aw. Didn't you want a boy this time?" Well, no. I already had girls, I am a girl, so I think I've got this "girl" thing down pat. I had 14 nephews at the time, so the clan did not have a shortage of male children. Second: What the heck would it have mattered if I did want a boy? That was not my decision :)
If you really want to be a wise acre, tell the next person who asks if you wanted a girl that you adorne your youngest in feather boas and lip gloss while he is sleeping, then watch as they think of something to say to THAT, lol!
One Christmas, an uncle looked at my due-in-January tummy and said "Again?" What "again", it was my second!
I find the "expressionless facial expression" and silence to these comments to be the best "defense". watching them squirm is fun.

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I have 5 kids (four boys, one girl) between the ages of 1 and 7 (no multiples) and I have heard it all! My 5 year old even asked me once as we left WalMart "Mom, why does every one say you have your hands full?" I honestly didn't know what to say! I decided to start answering those people with, "Yes, and I have my heart full too!" I also love the "Are they all yours?" "No, I don't like only taking two kids shopping, so I decided to pick up a few on the way in." Or "They are now, they're having a sale on kids in aisle five! Really cheap!" Seriously! Is it any of your business? I just try to take it as a compliment to my amazing mothering abilities b/c not every one could handle five kids!

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As a new mother of one, who is planning on having at least four, this is someething i definitely enjoyed reading, and will use should the need arise in the future.
I think it is great that you can find a humorous side to it, and know that you have four blessings who make the snippy comments seem ridiculous as they sound :)

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I was going to add the "Don't you know what causes that" but someone beat me to it.

I have 3 under 5 and fully plan to have at least one more. I love it when people say "I don't know how you do it." Well, neither do I. But I have to. And I love to. So I do.

Yes, I am crazy. But it is the best kind of crazy in the world.

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My friend has five kids, all homeschooled, and when she brought her 4 year old to the doctor for a broken leg, they all went. One nurse (yes,a nurse!) said, "There are five of you? Your poor mother" in front of the kids and the her 9 year old said, "She's not poor, she's happy". The 8 year old said, "She likes having 5 kids". My friend was so proud.

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It's rude to ask someone if they plan on having more children?

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That my kids are adopted is obvious to anyone who sees us. I am often asked, "are they twins?" "No, they are three months apart in age." "Are they biological siblings?" Um . . . . .

My mom had 6 kids so I've heard it all before. No wonder I feel like most people are ignorant and inconsiderate. But when people say to me, "you must have your hands full" [with my 2 infants], I say yes, I do, because it's true! I don't see that as a disrespectful comment. I mean, people feel like they have to say something just to be friendly.

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I love you. :D

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When congratulated by other guys at the beginning of No2 child's gestation, I did point out that it wasn't exactly onerous work.

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We have (only) 2 boys and want a third child. Whenever someone finds out we want another child, they all say "trying for a girl?". Well, no, not necessarily. It might be nice to see what raising a different gender would be like, but we aren't going to have another baby just for that reason! We want another child in our family - boy or girl. And I am happy to say so to anyone that asks.

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"-Are you trying for a girl? "

I only have one child (a son), and am done having kids. But you'd be amazed at how often strangers feel compelled to ask me that.

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Wow! I thought it was only me! I really thought it was something in my face that made people feel compelled to ask me odd questions. My hubby and I are both brown hair brown eyes. I'm italian and he is czech. My son has my grandfather's blue eyes and light brown hair. As a baby, my son was blonde. Steve (my hubby) and I are fairly olive, as is our son. While grocery shopping one day when he was about 2 a lady walked up to us and just blurted out, "My, is he beautiful! Does he belong to BOTH of you?" We were stunned, speechless! Had no idea how to answer, so just nodded a polite yes and walked away. I now understand how she meant it, because of his shocking eyes and light hair against us, but it was just a wow!
Now, my son is 7 and he gets REALLY DARK in the summer, no matter how much sun lotion and spf 800 I slather on him. This past August, again in the grocery store, I was approached by a woman who said "Your son is sooo handsome. Is he mixed?" Not that it should matter if he was or not, I was quicker this time and answered, "Thanks! And no, he's not a puppy." I smiled, turned and walked away! She slapped her hand over her mouth and quickly moved in another direction! She'll think twice before she asks someone that again!!!!
Have a great day! Sorry for the long post!

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11. It's rude to ask someone if they plan on having more children?

Yes, unless you know the person really well. I have friends who have had many miscarriages and this question is really painful.

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The ones that drive me battiest are the folks who say this stupid stuff right in front of their kids. "I can't handle my two...I could never have more!" Um, your kid has ears, right? And feelings? Maybe it's good that they don't have more, since they're not too loving or sensitive.

I think most of the comments are just that...comments. They're not meant to be hurtful. Maybe some are sensitive because they hear them so much? We actually haven't gotten "Don't you know what causes that?" I sure wish someone would ask me that because I heard a great response years ago. "Yeah...we've narrowed it down to either water or sex and we're not giving up either one of those!!!" A really snarky reply, which is more fun to think about than to actually use, is, "Yeah, sex. You must not be getting much since you only have 2 kids."

Most of the questions are legitimate, but it is important for people to realize that infertility can make many innocent questions very painful.

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Maybe it's just me, but 4 doesn't seem like that many children.

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