Do you bribe your kids?
Categories: Fun & Activities, Eating & Nutrition, Development
With potty training I think we had a viable excuse. There was arguably no better way to form a positive association with doing # 2 on the potty than a delectable chocolate chip waiting as a reward. And considering Bean had a small obsession with doing his business outdoors (he potty trained over the summer) getting him to understand that poop really only happens on the potty was just shy of a momentous breakthrough.
But there have been other times as well when I've been tempted to bribe Bean with a treat--though I don't succumb to the urge nearly as often as my husband. I think this has something to do with our personality types--my husband sees food as synonymous with comfort, whereas I generally do not. I did offer up the awesome reward of a handful of jelly beans if he could stay in his bed in the middle of the night--instead of tromping his way into ours--but to no avail. He loves the snuggles way too much, and truthfully so do we. It was a half hearted bribe, one that I was fairly certain would fail.
But in general I feel pretty strongly that were we to really go down the bribe route, we'd never return. Not to mention the positive associations we're embedding deeply in his little brain. I'm not sure if it's a wise thing to have food immediately spell out comfort or satisfaction. Nor am I sure a child should need to have a reward to do things that they need to do every day (like taking a bath, for example.)
But there are the moments when neither of us has any energy left to argue with our little guy and we're sorely tempted to offer up some goody in reward for just getting on with the day. How about you? Do you bribe your kids?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Amanda 11-14-2007 @ 1:45PM
when it comes to getting my kids to do everyday things like bathing for example, I offer them an extra bed time story, a cartoon or something fun like that. I very very rarely ever offer food or candy as a bribe, simply just because I never really think of it! unless its a situation like she wants dessert before dinner and i know she's really hungry and needs to eat. every once in a while I will let her eat her dessert first, especially if its something small and the dinner is something I know she loves and will eat. but we are not very food obsessed over here. My sister had this huge elaborate toy bribe going on with her oldest when she was potty training and I thought it was just ludacris! when I started potty training mine I said, there will be no gifts, no candy no nothing! only praise and hugs thats it! and do you know what? it worked!! I'm just not a big fan of bribery but I do understand that once in a while its a necessary evil.
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Tamyu 11-14-2007 @ 1:59PM
I bribe my son with "school" work.
Seriously. We have these worksheets for kindergarten preparation, and he loves them. He`s behind developmentally, so needs all the preparation he can get - they`re great.
I"bribe" him with things like "If you eat more of such and such, we can do pencil work after dinner!" Even though we always do some sort of "work" after dinner, 9 times out of 10, he`ll eat at least a few more bites.
I don`t agree with food or toy bribes. Really, I don`t even consider what we do a real bribe. It`s more of an incentive than a bribe - we`ll do it anyway after dinner, but the quicker he eats the more quickly we`ll start. I think that bribes stop working around the time the child starts expecting them.
I`m more of the threat (and follow through on that threat) mother. If you don`t clean up, I`ll clean up for you - but instead of into the toy box, up on to the high shelf. Won`t brush your teeth? I`ll just have to brush them for you. I`ve found that prompt consequences are more effective with my son than short term rewards. Consequences, mind you, not punishments. Yelling at my son for not brushing his teeth isn`t going to help in the end. It needs to be done, and either he will do it or I will do it. End of story. Obviously, it`s much more fun for *him* to do it - so he almost always does.
(I will say it`s much much faster for me to just do it, so I`m in a constant battle with myself to give him the time to do it his way!)
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SKL 11-14-2007 @ 3:57PM
Generally no, but I did resort to strawberry milk to get my daughter to drink out of a cup.
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David Robinson 11-14-2007 @ 9:02PM
Bribery, rewarding, threatening withdrawal of priviledge, they are all very similar. Personally, I don't like bribes "If you do X, I will do Y" but rewards for a good job done seems fine but the problem occurs if you give a reward every time then it becomes an unspoken bribe. I don't like threats either. I try to stick to verbal reward after a child has done well but I have given in and rewarded with jelly beans.
David Robinson
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Lori 11-14-2007 @ 9:13PM
My son is an extremely picky eater. I'm not sure where we went wrong, but he won't go near green vegetables and most meat, including chicken. We've tried everything to get him to eat. My son is more likely to go hungry than to eat something he doesn't like -- and he's had to go hungry plenty of times since I won't cook a separate meal for him. The only thing that seems to work is to tell him -- if you eat your chicken, or your green beans, or your broccoli, you can have some applesauce, or some pineapple, or a fig newton. Bribing him with food so he'll eat food. Wrong, I'm sure. I know it goes against all of the advice given out by the "experts." But, it works. And, I'm still hoping that once he starts tasting a wider variety of food, he'll be more receptive to eating them.
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bh 12-05-2007 @ 8:41PM
Bribery comes in many forms! I've even seen where you can get Santa to surprise your child with a cd in the mail. One of the questions they ask you to enter so "Santa" knows what to talk about is something that your child needs to work on! Hilarious! AND IT WORKS I'm Sure! That link was www.mysantacd.com
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