First time sleeping over at grandparents house

by Christina Sbarro (Subscribe to Christina Sbarro's posts) Nov 15th 2007 1:53PM

Categories: Toddlers, Relatives, Fun & Activities, Sleep

Now that my inlaws live nearby, we're contemplating a sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. Bean has asked several times to sleep over--he loves their new house, with it's nooks and crannies and music boxes. But the thing is, I'm not sure if he actually understands that when he goes there to sleep over we won't actually be there for him to come into bed with in the middle of the night as he is apt to do.

How do you go about preparing a preschooler (if he is a preschooler and not in fact still a toddler,) for a sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's house. My mother in law suggested that my husband and I spend the night there as well the first time he sleeps over, but think that will just confuse him further. I'm not sure I can handle the thought of him waking up bewildered and sad in the middle of the night, crying out "Snuggle me, mama!" only to discover we're no where to be found.

Do your kids sleep over at their grandparent's house? When did they start? How did you prepare them?

Comments (12)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Jill 11-15-2007 @ 2:07PM

We don't have family around, but a friend has offered to swap babysitting and just make it a sleepover. Her boys are 4 and 7, mine are 3 and 6. My 3yo still wakes often at night and I just can't subject a friend to that.

With family, I'd do what your MIL suggests. I'd stay the night once along with Bean (not in the same room) and then talk about it and ask if he thinks he can do it alone the next time. If you trust your MIL to snuggle him if he's upset, go for it. If you think they'd just phone you to come get him, personally, I'd wait.

mamacheryl 11-15-2007 @ 3:52PM

Our son spent the night at my parents' house when he was 20 months old. He actually spent two nights.

We prepped him by having my mother spend the night at our house a couple of times. When he woke in the middle of the night, she went to him to cuddle and comfort him, and when he woke up in the morning, she drew him into her bed for morning cuddle time. It was his home turf, so he was okay with it.

When he actually stayed at her house, he wasn't too disturbed to have her be the one to come check on him and tuck him in. He was having so much fun during the day, too. And she let him stay up late.

When I was in the hospital before our daughter was born last month, and after she was born, Nana was in town to take care of Ben at our house, and then at her house when it grew too inconvenient to be away from home. Ben started to miss us a lot, and he started sleeping with a stuffed animal for comfort.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

Joy 11-15-2007 @ 4:12PM

I may get some flack here but that's okay. I'm older than most of you and feel like I've been here and you guys just haven't yet. I feel sometimes the younger guys tend to "over plan" and just plain out "over do" situations. I have said from day one, letting your kids sleep with you (in my opinion only) isn't really a good idea or habit to start. Here is just one reason why. My boys stayed with my mom and my MIL all the time for one reason or another and they loved it. They got to "pack" sleeping bags and and all their stuff... you would have thought it was vacation time. We didn't do anything but say you get to stay at Grandma's. I wouldn't go through all these "trial runs" your all talking about. Sometimes I feel it's no wonder kids are nervous wrecks. If you act all panicy, that message will be sent to your child so they react the way your acting. Seriously, what's the worst thing that can happen? Waking up in the middle of the night and forgetting for a second where they are, grandma comes with a kiss and poof....everything is fine. Don't worry so much about stuff like this. Wait till they start driving and then leaving for college and then getting married!!! This is just one small way of letting go somewhat and the more you do it, the better equiped your child will be.

SAM 11-15-2007 @ 4:30PM

I agree with Joy. As soon as my kids are completely potty trained (Grandma's rule) they have been invited to stay over. It's a fun adventure that we all enjoy. My kids love it! They take turns spending a day, and then it moved to spending the night. Usually it is one at a time, so they have their special dinner and breakfast. Now since "The Polar Express" came out, Grandma has gotten brave and kept two last year and is going to add number three to sleepover and a movie night. I can't wait. My husband and I will have a whole night and morning alone without the cost of a hotel room.:)

acm 11-15-2007 @ 4:30PM

yeah, I'm a youngster, but I side with Joy on this one. let the kid spend a long day with grandfolks a few times, so that there are activities, toys, and interactions to make the place familiar, and then let it happen! I remember my grandpa rocking me and singing, and there wasn't any precedent for that at the time that I know of, and I was just fine. heck, life was always full of pampering at Grandma's house, which probably offset any novelty or change of routine...

Amy 11-15-2007 @ 5:01PM

Another vote for Joy's response. I am strict about my kids routines, but Gramma's house is pure fun for both of them. My first-born (now 4) stayed 2 nights in a row before he was 2, and my toddler started staying over when she was weaned at about 15 months. Since it is a new place, it's really the grandparents job to set the routine and the rules, and I think even kids under 2 can respond to that. My boy ended up in Grampa & Gramma's bed the first time, but they loved having him stay with them. Good luck!

michelle 11-15-2007 @ 6:02PM

Joy, your comment is a breath of fresh air! Kids are SO coddled these days. My daughter started spending the night at Grandma's around age 2 - there was no "preparation", she just looked at it as a fun adventure. She is almost 7 now and has spent the night with both sets of grandparents many times and at about 5 different friends' houses (yes of course, people we know well). She begs to have a friend sleep over here, but we have only found one willing to do it - and that girl became HYSTERICAL at bed time, crying for her mom (who had neglected to tell me that she lies down with her 7 year old daughter to get her to sleep every night.)

ARJ 11-15-2007 @ 8:46PM

I think it depends on the kid's personality. Some are just more emotionally sensitive than others and for them, it would be a big deal. Others are just more go-with-the-flow types who would adapt to the new situation without a fuss.

Tamyu 11-16-2007 @ 5:54AM

My son has a sleep disorder, so for us it`s a very big deal to spend the night somewhere away from us. Not because I am worried about him through the night - but because I`m worried about the grandparents` ability to handle him over night. They run a business, so while they would be around all day and my son would be welcome to come along to their offices and factory, they need their sleep! We`ve been wanting to send my son for a sleep over for a very long time, but I don`t feel comfortable putting that much pressure on them.
My son barely sleeps at home, so I know that even in familiar surroundings it`s a battle to get enough sleep. In unfamiliar surroundings, he is often up until morning.

But we would LOVE to have a night off, so we`re taking it one step at a time. We were sort of kicked into it by being invited to a friend`s wedding in December. My son was also invited, but the only child at a wedding? We opted not to take him along... But as the wedding is out of town, we`ll be staying overnight. So grandma is going to come and spend the night with him at our house. If that goes well, we`ll ship him off to spend the night with them.

I`m not panicky about the whole deal. My son can deal with being away from me. It`s not going to kill him.
I`m worried that it will be such an awful experience for the grandparents that they`ll never want him to stay overnight again!

Joy 11-16-2007 @ 10:15AM

Oh Tamyu, grandparents would never feel that way. I'm sure they will love to be with him. Good luck and have a good wedding.

Jessica 11-16-2007 @ 2:08PM

My daughter was 18 months old and she spent a week with my parents while my husband and I went out of the country. She had no problems whatsoever.

Course, she has always slept in her own bed. The only time she has ever been allowed to sleep with one of us is when she is sick and can not sleep b/c of congestion and such. Even then, it's usually one of us out on the recliner so that the other parent can get a full night's sleep.

I wonder how many of these sleep issues arise b/c of parent's needs rather than baby's needs. Hmmm, I'll go with Joy as well.

Michele W 11-16-2007 @ 9:51PM

My son is 6 and has only spent maybe 4 nights away from me since birth. This was only in extreme emergancy but 1 time. Most nights I was in the hospital with someone, husband 2 nights, my niece one night delivering her baby, and 1 night with my cousin when she came from arizonia to visit we took a girls night out trip to the beach. As much as i would like a night to myself sometimes, once I am by my self it just does not feel right without my son there. I dont know if it is because I wanted a child so bad or what but I do not like to be away for very long. My son is the same way too. We do the same thing every night before bed, pick out a movie, get snacks and we watch our movie and then it is bed time. plus right before we pick a movie we play a playstation game. If at my mothers, he doesnt get to do the same thing there so I think it throws him off. He always says yes I want to stay over night and he goes but then when it is time to goto bed he calls and says he wants to come home. I told him if it is not an emergancy that mommy has to be somewhere for someone that he does not have to stay if he doesn't want to. Now that we moved about a half hour or little bit more away from my mom and he dont see her as much now, he is starting to really think about staying. I was at my grandmothers house since I was a new born. I had colic and my mom always said thank god for gram cause I think i might of killed you if it wasnt for her giving me some breaks ! Staying at grams was always fun for me. I had a blast. Its differnt with my son being that my family, my mom, step dad, my grandmother & grandfather who are both to sick to keep him over night, are the only grandparents my son knows. My husbands family does not care 2 cents about our life and my father has had no contact since my son was a baby so there is only one place for him to stay. I am in no hurry to get rid of him. Time goes to fast already and I don't want to miss a thing.

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