Too much candy gets Grandma banned

I'm guessing that the grandmother received warnings before the daughter cut off contact, which she probably ignored. It might seem like a silly reason to ban Grandma, but I doubt the decision was made lightly. The daughter also says that the grandmother was domineering and interfering and had called the SSPCA to their home over their pet dogs.

Even if the problems were limited to disrespecting the mother's wishes concerning the children's diet, that's pretty serious. If I had a family member who was constantly feeding my vegan child meat whenever my back was turned, you can bet I wouldn't stand for it.

Reply

You bet your ass if my mother was going behind my back giving my kid sweets after I had expressly told her not to, she'd be banned from seeing my son until she learned to respect that *I* am the parent, not her.

Reply

I am on the mother's side. She has every right to request a limit on the sweets. Kids can be a handful after too much sugar.......

Respecting a vegetarian family's right to be vegetarian is very important. There are people we don't see often because they want to feed my boys meat.

The parents are the ones who should decide what their kids can and can't have....... that is one of the main roles of a parent.......

Reply

I think its pretty bad when a GRANDMA cant just be grandma. For many years grandmothers where the one the children can go to for things mom wont let them have or just for lots of hugs and kisses and also cookies from the cookie jar. I am a grandma and my daughter lives at home with me and my husband she has a 2yr old boy and he is loved alot in this house. If he comes crying to grandma I am going to give him what ever it is he wants as long as it doesnt cause him any harm because thats what grandma's do. We love our grand babies. I have 3 daughters and they turned out just fine. Why should we be any different to our grandchildren. I think new mothers today read to many books that fill their heads with to much crap.

Reply

Jon wrote (in part):
I have 3 daughters and they turned out just fine. Why should we be any different to our grandchildren.

but elsewhere:
If he comes crying to grandma I am going to give him what ever it is he wants as long as it doesnt cause him any harm because thats what grandma's do.

It sounds like you already make a pretty strong distinction between how you raised your daughters (as a parent) and how you interact with your grandson (as a grandma). While I agree that the roles aren't identical, they also shouldn't be in conflict, and if the grandparent's indulgences reach a level that the parent starts to feel are genuinely problematic for the child (whether due to health or behavior or other issues), then I think the wishes of the parent should be respected and the grandparents should try to support their decisions and goals.

Reply

My mother's rule is that if I am there with her and the children, she will ask me before giving them anything. And I am greatful for that. Her rule also states that when I am *not* there, she will feed them whatever she wants, within reason (food allergies, etc.). I trust her judgement because she raised me, and loves her grandkids, she wants them to be healthy, but also wants them to have a little treat now and again. She feeds them more treats than I would, but not an alarming or unhealthy amount considering the rest of their diet. I think this is ok. My DH's mom on the other hand sneaks my kids second pieces of cake after I've asked her not to, and disrespects my son's food allergies. I am NOT ok with that at all.

Reply

I am like Sabrina's mother. If I am "babysitting" I get to do what I like, if my son and or daughter in law are here, they are boss. If I want to give one of them a piece of candy, I will do so. I am the grandma and I agree with Jon that as long as it doesn't hurt them, I get to indulge that way. Would I give them a bag of candy??? NO, of course not but within reason, I enjoy to have little treats around the house for them. Half the time they want fruit snacks, rasins or banana's so it's not always candy that they want. I also feel if you knowingly know someone is going to give your kid a piece of candy and you "won't allow" it, ask someone else to babysit. I would never do it behind anyones back but quite truthfully, I think that whole lawsuit thing is a bunch of bunk and that daughter is a snot to do this to her mother! How can you take a loving grandmother away from her grandchildren? To much candy, I see way more other issues here that haven't been said. It can't just be about this.

Reply

I totally disagree with the daughter and her lawsuit. I have 4 grandchildren, 3 with my 28 yr old daughter. EVERYTIME she gets mad and not because I have given or let 2 of my grandchildren do something we are not allowed to see them for months at a time. It is sad that a grandmother can no longer be a grandmother without fear of a lwasuit. I had the BEST grandmother in the world and not because she fed me junk, but because of the time I spent with her and the things I learned from her. What happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

Reply

Giving a child cnady is not a reason to ban the grandmother from seeing them. You can take the candy away as a parent. Either there is something more to this or the daughter has issues. There is nothing greater in this world than family. I don't like my son's grandmother and she does not like me. I have good reason to keep my son from seeing her, as she might talk bad about me (but as far as I know she hasn't). Yet, I am not a selfish person and I know what is best for my son. That is to know his family.

Reply

Grandparents today are usually not just Grandparents, they are "co-parents". With many grown children living close to home, their parents are often helping to raise their grandchildren. It's not a matter of the grandmother being indulgent once in a while, it's a matter of them breaking the rules constantly. When you see the children every day or a couple of times a week, a small indulgence becomes a big deal.

Reply

Grandmother- BUZZ OFF! double standards and hypocrisy!
Leave our children alone. You had your chance, now back off and let the grandkids be raised by their parents.

NOW, if the parents are worthless crap themselves, it's partly your fault Grandma- you raised one of them.

At any rate, stop spoiling the brats. They are bad enough already, because YOU raised their parents.

Signed- A teacher

Reply

With all due respect, I think a lot of the grandmas are forgetting what it was like to be mothers of young children themselves. It is hard to raise children and to have someone deliberately undermining the parents' efforts to satiate their own desire to "spoil their grandchildren" shows disrespect to the parent. Look at how high childhood obesity is in this country! There are many ways to spend time with your grandchildren and many ways to show them love that don't require handing out sweets and sugar. Please respect the parents decisions.

Reply

I think the whole situation is ridiculous. The grandmother did nothing but try to love the grandchildren. I didn't have any grandparents growing up but my mother does the same thing to my kids and I see nothing wrong with it. This lady has other issues obviously. My kids would not stand for not being able to see there nanny.....

Reply

What happened to the days when grandparents were just allowed to be a part of a kids life. I am a mother and I differeces between my mom and her gradparenting but the beauty in being a grandma is sometimes they get to do things with the kids that is normally not the norm at home.
I at times get mad yes!
But not in my wildest dreams would I take my kids away from her. For the love of God, grandma's are suppose to be "sweet."

Reply

A Grandmother has to respect the parents rules for their children just she wanted HER childrens grandparents to do. I would not go behind my childrens back and do anything to disrespect their parents wishes. What kind of message of dishonesty is that telling the grandchildren?

Reply

Bluesdog...you signed as a teacher and yet called the kids brats..hope ya don't teach here! I didn't read anywhere in the article where anyone was a brat. Did you take the position just to have summers off or something?

Now..My mom gave my kids sweets against my will too, but that's what grandma's do. Spoil the kids then send them home. Those weekend indulgences never hurt the kids so I let it go with just a reprimand. We made compromises. Everyone turned out fine. The kids are fit and healthy as is our relationship with "grandma." They are almost grown now and still share a close relationship with her. We all do. I think this is all about control issues. People don't get their way..they sue. No one wants to step up and compromise and be the better person for it.

Reply

WHAT A BUNCH OF TWITS! HAVE YOU ALL NOTHING BETTER
TO DO? THE SITUATION IS NOT WORTH COMMENTS.

Reply

I agree that if someone interferes with your parenting, something needs to be done. If your children are encouraged to disrespect parents, it will snowball and you'll wind up with big problems later. Not all people, mother and grandmothers included, truly have the best interest of the children in mind. I've known mothers that are ultra permissive to win the 'love' of their children. Including providing drugs and sex for them. They can encourage the children to lie, cheat and steal. There's also people who ignore food allergies to make children sick so they can gain attention and sympathy. It's called Munchhausen's by proxy. So the candy issue reported may only be the tip of the iceberg.

Reply

I can't believe that some of you even have kids.. you might as well put you're BRATS in a plastic bubble till they reach 18...Parents like some of you, will have trouble when your BRATS get older. Don't save money for college, save it to bail there azzes out of jail!!

Reply

You rock Grandma!!! When I grow up I hope you give me beer!!!

Reply