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Ricki Lake ties sexual abuse to weight gain
Filed under: Health & Safety: Babies, Celeb Parents, In The News
I love Ricki Lake. I was never a big fan of her daytime talk show (I never watched any of the others either) but I loved her as an actress and as a person. Ricki stood up for women and self-esteem everywhere, and when she lost more than half her body weight in a bid to get healthy, I was right there with the rest of the country cheering her on.
Now Ricki has come forward about why she thinks she gained all the weight, which at one point toppled at 260 pounds. She says she was sexually abused as a child which may have lead to the excess weight. As with many victims of abuse Ricki didn't want to talk about it or admit it happened.
Ricki lived in silence for "15 or 20 years" before telling her parents what happened. They acted quickly and took Ricki's abuser out of her life. Ricki said food became a comfort for her.
For several years now Ricki has shed the weight and hopefully the sense of shame that accompanies so many victims of abuse. She is a successful actor and mother. Hopefully, now that she has decided to let the world know her pain, she can move on and enjoy being both of those things.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 4)
1-25-2008 @ 12:55AM
Stacy said...I agree completely with Ricki...she is so right. Its not how much you weigh or are overweight, but the fact that you are using food as a source of comfort for something painful that has happened to you. Not all people cope or react in the same way. Sometimes you don't even realize what your pain is. I realized that I had also been abused as a young child, but I had blocked it out til much later in life. Unfortunately, when I was acting out after the abuse occurred, I didn't realize why, but it all made sense later on. People don't always understand at the time what is going on with them as I did not. Not all overweight people have been sexually abused, and its also not to say that someone that is thin has not been either. Its just to say that overweight people are usually using food as an emotional substitute for other feelings or to comfort themselves. If everything was as easy as 'just get over it' no one would have any problems. Life just isn't that simple to fix. Its much more complicated. Its always a blessings when people are able to overcome their problems as she has with her weight. I am still working on mine and I am almost 50 and have 4 grown children. Its a long journey...
Reply
1-25-2008 @ 1:21AM
Storm said...For those of you calling child rape an "excuse" for covering your baggage..you have NO idea the pain that is suffered when a child is raped...it sears your soul...burns you from the inside out...and changes who you are forever. I know because I was raped, over and over...for most of the first 20 years of my life. I went on to marry, have 6 kids and get a degree in psychology...just so that I could understand my own trauma and educated my husband on how to handle the ptsd and depression that resulted from my own past. In the end, after 20 years of marriage he left me...why? because I gained weight to keep the attention of other men away from me...and lost the one man I never wanted too. If you think we women are making excuses...imagine your horror when you're making love to your wife and the pillows get a little too close and she hyperventilates and breaks into hysterical crying that even she doesn't know where it's coming from...and she can't stop it. It's happened to me. Get over it? Would you say that to your five year old daughter after she was raped by your brother? I don't think so....Have some sensitivity for the women and men who have suffered at the hands of monsters...
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1-25-2008 @ 1:24AM
Storm said...For those of you calling child rape an "excuse" for covering your baggage..you have NO idea the pain that is suffered when a child is raped...it sears your soul...burns you from the inside out...and changes who you are forever. I know because I was raped, over and over...for most of the first 20 years of my life. I went on to marry, have 6 kids and get a degree in psychology...just so that I could understand my own trauma and educate my husband on how to handle the ptsd and depression that resulted from my own past. In the end, after 20 years of marriage he left me...why? because I gained weight to keep the attention of other men away from me...and lost the one man I never wanted too. If you think we women are making excuses...imagine your horror when you're making love to your wife and the pillows get a little too close and she hyperventilates and breaks into hysterical crying that even she doesn't know where it's coming from...and she can't stop it. It's happened to me. Get over it? Would you say that to your five year old daughter after she was raped by your brother? I don't think so....Have some sensitivity for the women and men who have suffered at the hands of monsters...
Reply
1-25-2008 @ 8:38AM
myty said...there are thousands of books on incest and the impact it can leave on lives...in many ways far and wide.. there are also thousands of support groups and psychologists who can help you understand and accept what happened.
yes i was there also... many psychologists asked me to speak to groups and help men and women. there are many who don't understand, who don't know how to face it.
so please understand it effects everyone in different ways... what you do with it is your choice..
however on that note many people can't afford therapy or anything else....
have empathy!!!! stop thinking of yourself, instead try to understand the other person. and if they need your help BE POSITIVE!!!!!!!
Reply
11-28-2007 @ 10:48AM
Ethel said...Move on? And enjoy life? Wow. Being a victim of sexual abuse doesn't disallow enjoying life, and you really don't move on! You accept that the abuse is part of what happened to you and is part of what has shaped you, not what defines you.
I will tell you being fat is such a nice comfort, while my mother liked being looked at and admired as a young woman I hated it and being fat felt like a deflector to that attention.
Oh yeah. You don't live in silence when you live with being sexual abuse - it comes out in many ways. You live in denial, not silence. You live in non-acknowledgment that someone hurt you terribly only verbally - it shows up in action.
Reply
11-28-2007 @ 1:18PM
Eva said...Wow, ParentDish comments look different today.
I second Ethel.
11-28-2007 @ 2:22PM
Shari D said...Ethel -
I read your comments with great interest because, like Rikki, I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse - no longer a victim of anyone or anything.
The attention you speak of I also found distasteful and disturbing later in my life, and food was always a great comfort in times of stress and being left to wallow around in my own pain with no one to know or understand, until I had a minor nervous breakdown in class in my Sophomore year in high school. It all came out then - and my world was forever changed. I remained tall and slender in high school, where I was the recipient of all kinds of attentions I didn't really know how to handle well, and it got me into BIG trouble once.
The fat that came along later with the food and two children was also a shield against those attentions, even though it didn't always work. (THANK the good Lord above that my husband doesn't mind "meaty" women!)
And you're right about the fact that it DOES come out in many ways, both during and after the events. My school grades suffered mightily, which was a great mystery to everyone because all testing I had to take proved that I had a more-than-average IQ. I was always the kid tagged as "not working up to potential - needs to apply herself." There is much more to that story - I think everyone who has come through what we have has a story to tell - but I'm not going to go into all the details.
I will tell you this - that I am a very lucky, blessed woman to have the wonderful, understanding, helpful husband I have had for the last 31 years. He has made all the difference in my life since we met and married. I have met others who have been victimized in their past, and the vast majority of them are SO much more damaged than I - I feel like I came through this situation stronger than I might have been without it. My approach to the situation later included realizing that I could use my past and my parents (mother and step-father) as examples of what NOT to do and be, and that success is always the best revenge.
Take care......
11-28-2007 @ 4:25PM
Angela said...I have forgiven the person who abused me as a child. The time that immediately followed the abuse (I was 10 when it happened) I gained 40 pounds. I thought that if I was fatter, it wouldn't have ever happened. Be kind in how we respond to others for we have not walked in their shoes. Everyone handles situations differently. I'm older and wiser than I was then, but I still carry the emotional baggage even though you might not see it. Thanks and have a Blessed Day!
11-28-2007 @ 2:22PM
vanessa said...that's just like when the women out there being prostitutes or the kids in school nowadays..... ive heard plenty of them say they sleep with people because they were raped or abused as kids. i think its just a sorry excuse and i think they need to think about themselves and get help instead of resorting to that.
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11-28-2007 @ 4:56PM
jessica said...I think before you start commenting on something you apparently know little about maybe you should get a higher level of education than what have because it seems to me you have little or maybe you are just jealous because you wish you were the topic of conversation.
12-05-2007 @ 6:09AM
Linda Butler said...Why did she turn to food? I was abused by my father but no one in the famly would believe me. I turned to sports in school and when I could I joined the service to get away. Am now marriede to my fifth husband who understood my problem and helped me find away out. The best relief was when he died.
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11-28-2007 @ 2:23PM
Shari D said...Ethel -
I read your comments with great interest because, like Rikki, I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse - no longer a victim of anyone or anything.
The attention you speak of I also found distasteful and disturbing later in my life, and food was always a great comfort in times of stress and being left to wallow around in my own pain with no one to know or understand, until I had a minor nervous breakdown in class in my Sophomore year in high school. It all came out then - and my world was forever changed. I remained tall and slender in high school, where I was the recipient of all kinds of attentions I didn't really know how to handle well, and it got me into BIG trouble once.
The fat that came along later with the food and two children was also a shield against those attentions, even though it didn't always work. (THANK the good Lord above that my husband doesn't mind "meaty" women!)
And you're right about the fact that it DOES come out in many ways, both during and after the events. My school grades suffered mightily, which was a great mystery to everyone because all testing I had to take proved that I had a more-than-average IQ. I was always the kid tagged as "not working up to potential - needs to apply herself." There is much more to that story - I think everyone who has come through what we have has a story to tell - but I'm not going to go into all the details.
I will tell you this - that I am a very lucky, blessed woman to have the wonderful, understanding, helpful husband I have had for the last 31 years. He has made all the difference in my life since we met and married. I have met others who have been victimized in their past, and the vast majority of them are SO much more damaged than I - I feel like I came through this situation stronger than I might have been without it. My approach to the situation later included realizing that I could use my past and my parents (mother and step-father) as examples of what NOT to do and be, and that success is always the best revenge.
Take care......
Reply
11-29-2007 @ 8:15PM
gracewhalen said...Ethel, I couldn't have said it better myself. Sexual abuse, including rape, is very commonplace, and l personally know (for sure) 4 victims--the 3 of us who were raped are all well over 200 pounds, and the one who was abused is bulimic/anorexic. Men take out their anger on us, and we pick up where they left off after our self-esteem has been stolen. It's 42 years since my rape, and even though I understand the dynamics, I haven't been able to overcome it. No "poor me's" here, just statng the facts. Of course there are many places nowadays to get counseling right away (there wasn't when the 4 of us were attacked), so girls and women have a better chance of getting past it, but the fact remains: there is a definite correllation between sexual abuse and eating disorders.
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11-28-2007 @ 2:39PM
susan said...I am sorry but I dont buy it. Everyone has some sort of baggage but it seems more and more celebs are popping up saying it was child abuse for every little thing wrong in their lives. Maybe I just had a good childhood but I am 20 lbs overweight and the only person I have to blame is me!!
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11-28-2007 @ 6:02PM
Kirsten said...Susan: 20 lbs. overweight is not QUITE the same as weighing in at over 260. The extreme "poundage" is a very common escape from/defense against sexual abuse. The shocking thing is that sexual abuse is so prevalent. The nationwide social services system is full of children who have experienced horrors you couldn't begin to imagine. Perhaps if enough celebrities come forward with their experiences, some real attention will be paid to this tragedy and we can stop it from happening.
HENRY STAUTZENBERGER: Yes, everyone has problems. However, imagine if your father, or a favored uncle, or Auntie Em decided that several times a week it would be fun to probe your a$$ with his/her genitalia or whatever else might be handy. And imagine that it goes on for years, because everyone trusts that adult and couldn't imagine him/her doing something like that. Then, think what it would feel like if you weren't just IMAGINING it -- if it were actually HAPPENING, and you were powerless to do anything about it. Get over that, you heartless idiot.
11-28-2007 @ 2:49PM
HENRY STAUTZENBERGER said...PULEEZE!!! GIVE ME A BREAK. IF WE WOULD JUST DEAL WITH OUR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE OR SOMETHING IN OUR CHILDHOOD WE COULD OVERCOME OUR PROBLEMS MUCH FASTER.
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11-28-2007 @ 6:07PM
Kirsten said...HENRY STAUTZENBERGER: Yes, everyone has problems. However, imagine if your father, or a favored uncle, or Auntie Em decided that several times a week it would be fun to probe your a$$ with his/her genitalia or whatever else might be handy. And imagine that it goes on for years, because everyone trusts that adult and couldn't imagine him/her doing something like that. Then, think what it would feel like if you weren't just IMAGINING it -- if it were actually HAPPENING, and you were powerless to do anything about it. Get over that, you heartless idiot.
(Susan: 20 lbs. overweight is not QUITE the same as weighing in at over 260. The extreme "poundage" is a very common escape from/defense against sexual abuse. The shocking thing is that sexual abuse is so prevalent. The nationwide social services system is full of children who have experienced horrors you couldn't begin to imagine. Perhaps if enough celebrities come forward with their experiences, some real attention will be paid to this tragedy and we can stop it from happening.)
11-28-2007 @ 2:57PM
deb said...I THINK RICKI LAKE IS THE GREATEST!!Where is she and what's she up to of late??
Reply
11-28-2007 @ 3:06PM
CHRYSTYLE said...child please, it kills me when people make excuses for things.... if your big, then your big, if you like to eat, u just like to eat, but now that your skinny dont blame abuse to the fact on why you ate so much, you did it because you liked how the food tastes!... cut it out ricki!!
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11-28-2007 @ 3:02PM
deb said...Love ya Ricki.I been there.Hard but over it finally.
Reply