Does the worry of parenting ever subside?

I feel the same way. As much as parenting has made me a much calmer and tolerant person I can't shake the nagging fear that something terrible could happen at any moment. The feeling has not gone away as I hoped it would after the first few months, but I've learned to live with it and perhaps it has made me appreciate how fragile life is and helped me to truly enjoy every (well almost) moment I have as Charlie's mom.

Reply

My son will be 5 next month and so far it's still the same if not stronger than when he was born. I don't think it ever goes away.

Reply

I don't think so. You know what they say - little children, little problems. Big children, BIG problems. Big worries, too, I should think.

Reply

My Grandmother told me that you never really stop worrying about your children. What you worry about changes and once they are grown you may not worry every single day, but you always worry about them.

I've found it to be true so far, my oldest son is 28 now.

Reply

No Sarah, the worrying never ends. Even when they are grown up and gone, it never subsides. The only difference is you don't know things like you did when they lived with you. Uly is right, big kids, bigger problems. Besides your worrying starts right back up when they present you with those wonderful grandchildren. *sigh* Not that I'd trade it for anything though.

Reply

My children are in their twenties and I can truthfully tell you that. . . no, it never stops. You find yourself still sitting up all night, sleep-deprived and groggy, only for different reasons.

When you have a child you are a mother. That never goes away. It's only the peripherals that change, and the reasons for doing many of the same things.

That's not a bad thing, by the way. It's wonderful.

Remember, our job in raising our children is to befit them to take care of themselves and other people. Watching that happen is something for which there is no description, and no words grand enough.

But, is there ever a time when a person no longer needs a mommy? I'm 50 years old and I still call mine all the time. She's fantastic!

Reply

The worries are ever changing. They never go away. As my boys grow older, I worry when they're on the skate board, or want to walk to the store alone, among other things. One of my boys will enter JR high next year. The worries abound.

Reply

I must have lost my worry chip. I don't worry too much about my kids. There are times (like at the ER a couple of weeks ago while waiting for the CATScan results of my puking head-banger), but generally, I don't worry about things.

When worries pop up, I look at why I'm worried and what I can do to change the outcome that I'm worried about. If I can make the changes, I do (am I worried that my child's character is forming improperly? Yes? Fix the way I deal with that and guide him better). If it's something that's already in motion that won't be helped by anything I say or do (like a head injury that's more serious than any other we've experienced), I just pray. Pray that it's not that serious and that if it is, we can all deal with it in a good way.

I just do the best I can and figure things will all work out. Even they work out poorly, we'll deal with it.

Reply

Remember this: ANYONE can have a kid, you only those of us who constantly have our kids best interest at heart can be a Mother:) I feel the same way you do. I could never understand how people could go on a two week cruise without their children and not miss a beat. I ENJOY my children and have never seen them as a burden, but rather a blessing. Sure, there are times when I am frustrated, but they ALWAYS come first. I want to make sure my children have everything I didn't have while growing up. They will always have clean clothes, a safe , organized home, plenty of healthy food, colorful fingerpaints, freedom of expression, two parents that love them, and most importantly the security and peace that only comes from knowing Jesus. PArenthood is the hardest job I've ever had, but the only one worth making a career of:)

Reply

My older brother is 39, I'm 32....My mom has always said that the worry continues. No matter the age of your children. A mother see's her children as they are now, but she also see how they were when they were little.

Reply

I could have written your post....I have felt that way ever since I was pregnant then through my preterm contractions that landed me in the hospital to my low/no amniotic fluid that had me admitted asap to every time he hits his head to things that I read/watch to the cold P has now. And, I have become so much more of a calmer person as well. When I look back on my former life working I always think that I can't believe that I worried about those other things (making goal, etc.) since my world is so much bigger (and better now), but so are my worries about my sweet babe.

Reply

The intensity of the worry subsides as they grow older. When your children are very young, they are helpless and easily harmed. You DO have to worry about EVERYTHING from what foreign object they put into their mouth..to whether or not there is lead in the paint on their toys..to everything else in between!

When our little ones are so very little...I always say we're in "hypervigiliant parenting mode." We have to do every little thing for them and we have to protect them from every little (and big) thing.

But there will come a time in your child's life AND in your life as well, mom, when you will have to allow them to make mistakes. It's the only way they learn. They will have to experience pain and they will have to learn their own lessons. When they begin to prove themselves as competent, you learn to worry a little less.

So, when my toddler shows me that he's actually quite good at climbing the stairs...then I know that my heart doesn't have to jump out of my chest when he works the child gate off the banister and rushes up the stairs before I turn my head. I know that when I get to him (quickly) he will most likely be safe.

When my 13 year old gets into conflict with another boy, I know that he can handle it and if he doesn't, he'll have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Worry will not help him. Having faith in him will.

There will always be normal worries, but all of the worries you have for such a small, helpless baby/toddler will not be as intense as your child grows.

Reply