Waiting for sex -- not good either

Oh, puh-leeeeeze! That this could be linked to abstinence education is beyond ridiculous.

Blind children also have trouble enjoying picture books. Does that mean we should not show picture books to any children in case they might end up blind?

The last thing we need to do is tell kids that if they don't hurry up and have sex, they will be dysfunctional. I felt pressured to go on my first date right after my 17th birthday (I was in college) - I didn't even like the guy I went out with, but thought there was something wrong with not having dated by then. Now I think that's sad. Young people should be encouraged to wait if that's what feels right to them, and give themselves time to develop the maturity required for a healthy relationship.

I don't get parents any more. On one hand, they feel it's bad to "rush" things like potty training until practically kindergarten (which they also put off half of the time). On the other hand, they apparently can't wait until their kids start having sexual relationships. Sorry, but my kids will be raised differently.

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I agree with you SKL. Mine were raised different too.

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SKL, I don't see anywhere in the article where it says that we should hurry our kids into having sex. It only says that ONE reason people delay having sex is sexual dysfunction, or other problem like that. I'm sure that's true for at least some people out there.

Sex education is a completely different issue. I realize that your religious beliefs are such that you believe that people have to wait until they are married to have sex. You also seem to believe that we shouldn’t teach children ANYTHING at all about sex other than “Don‘t do it until marriage“. That’s fine, teach your children the way you want to, good for you.

However, not everyone believes that way. I, for example, believe that is better for people to wait until marriage. I also know that it isn’t always the way it is. I’d rather my children know about what sex is, physically and emotionally so that they can make their own choices with full knowledge of the consequences.

There are plenty of parents out there who don’t teach their children anything about sex at all. No moral values about sex, not even the bare fact that it causes pregnancy. Schools need to teach children about sex, and how to prevent pregnancy and STDs, BECAUSE there are children who don’t know anything, who don’t have beliefs to guide them. In a perfect world we wouldn’t need this kind of education, every parent would teach their children to respect themselves and their potential spouses enough to wait until their marriage night. But we don’t live in a perfect world.

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MUM, first of all, I have never stated that I don't believe in sex education. I don't believe in abstinence-only education, in fact. I believe in fact-based education that includes encouraging teens to abstain.

As for your initial comment, please refer to the title of Roger's post. Whatever the content of the article said, it seems that Roger things all of our kids should be having sex, and the earlier the better.

It seems Roger's favorite subject on ParentDish is why sex and sexual experimentation (of all sorts) should be encouraged at an early age and facilitated by public schools (using my tax money, of course, and taking away from my kids' academic learning). And yes, I do absolutely disagree with this and it has nothing to do with religion. I would be very surprised if you could find a single connection between religion and abstaining in any of my posts. I simply believe, like most parents, that having sex early and often is extremely unhealthy, and encouraging abstinence is better than saying "do what your animal instincts lead you to do, I don't care."

As for Roger, I always wonder how his "views" will change once his own kids are teens. While he has shown a blatant disregard for the well-being of other people's kids, he seems a lot less tolerant of things that impact how he wants to raise HIS kids.

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Interesting article.
I parent the way I want to parent, both my teenagers have turned out to be great kids and I preached "safe sex" and "responsible choices", all is good.

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I was going to respond to Mama too but SKL beat me to it. I am known on here as being lenient on these kinds of subjects. I believe when kids are ready for sex, they should be protected and I do not believe abstinence works in all cases (if only it were that easy folks!). I had talks with my sons their whole lives and when the time came, I saw to it they had condoms.

Given that said, the article's title does imply that having sex young, is better. That's all I meant. To me it's not about religion or anything else, it's about protecting the kids from STD's and birth control.

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I'm sorry SKL if I miss read your beliefs on this topic. Maybe I have you mixed up with someone else. (I'm getting old I guess. LOL)

I can see why you might think that the title of this article at least implied sex earlier rather than later is better. I didn't read it that way myself, so that's my defense for my first post. I still stand by most of it. Obviously not the parts about your beliefs though, those I’m sorry for and retract.

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MUM, thanks for your clarification. No apology needed, though I do appreciate your thoughtfulness in doing so. Peace!

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Roger, that is exactly what I got out of your post....that education is good, simply being told what to do with no further information is bad.
In fact, you explicitly stated that. So I'm not entirely certain on what the other posters' based their reactions, although I think perhaps skimming your post and then interpreting through their own biases probably had something to do with it.

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Roger, you are always trying to argue that abstinence education, whether or not combined with other sex education, is ineffective at best, harmful at worst. This is just another example in a long string of such posts by you.

I should comment that the underlying article quotes mostly, if not all, sex therapists and the like - people who (a) have decided to center their lives around helping people have more sex, and (b) spend most of their time dealing with people who have problems.

You imply that I am too obtuse to understand your writing. I will respond that you are obviously too obtuse to understand mine. Yes, there are people who have sex problems. Yes, some of these people are more likely to remain virgins longer, and yes, this can skew the numbers to make it look like waiting to have sex has some relation to sex problems. These sex therapists go on and on about all the examples they have seen that suggest this - but did it occur to you that the people they are NOT seeing are the people who waited AND have a healthy sex life? Hello. You try to say in your comment that you are not suggesting any causation, yet a significant portion of your initial post focused on the belief (as stated more directly in the underlying article) that encouraging abstinence will make it take longer for people to discover problems and thus increase the likelihood of significant problems later. So yes, you are saying that you believe it is better for young people not to wait to have sex.

I never notice you saying anything suggesting you give any credence to the opposite concept - e.g., citing studies that show the problems people have if they start having sex too early.

Hope you are consistent with your clear "early sex" bias when your daughter is getting ready to go on her first date. Because if not, that would be hypocritical, and you would never be that, I am sure.

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We are all entitled to our own beliefs and in a perfect world our children would listen to everything preach to them. But in the real world we have to realize that most teenagers will do what they want to regardless. They feel what my parents don't know won't hurt me, but actually it can! I have always been very liberal with my children (17 and 15). I have told them I would rather they tell me when they become sexually active so I can make sure they are properly protected and educated. Sex Ed in school is fine but kids would learn so much more if their parents would be open with them and educate them. Let's face it, teenagers will be teenagers they experient and explore.

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Dude, this is getting so old.. Most of us know and recognize your sense of humor and sarcasm Roger.

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These Days when 5 year olds want to dress like Britney Spears cause "Sexxy" **dressed like a hooker***is the only way to be,I'm Proud that there are Still Teens and 20 somethings out there that view Virginity as Special..and that Everyone hasn't been Brainwashed into believing that you should be Ashamed or Embarressed,or that you're Abnormal if you Haven't had sex by the time you're 18..that there's Gotta be something "Wrong" with you if you Haven't or Don't Want To...Hell I Wish I would have Waited for marriage.I think it's Extrememly Beneficial to Teach Abstinance..but I Also believe ,of course, that Kids Should know where babies come from,be Very Knowledgable about the Reproductive System and be educated about the dangers of STDs, to be taught the symptoms and Identify By Sight,These Diseases, and how to protect onesself from contracting them. THE ONLY 100% way IS to Wait!!
I Think it's a Bunch of BUNK to Assume highschool kids and college students are waiting cause they are Messed Up in Some Way..and Until THEY Tell YOU they have body or other issues , that it's Damaging to THEm for Others to View them that way. Honestly,why should THEY care if THESE kids ARen't having SEX..it's None of Their Business Anyway..You'd Think they'd be More Concerned about people acting like whores and spreading Diseases..*sigh* Sheesh.These Kids need Support for their BRAVE Choice..not to be looked at like..Science Experiment Freaks.

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