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Are you my daddy?
Filed under: Just For Dads, Divorce & Custody, In The News, Sex
Not long before he passed away, my dad and I were on our way to the Vintage Computer Festival and drove past the cemetery where my mother was buried. My dad, looking at the rows of gravestones, asked me "where is your father buried?" Now, I'm pretty sure that it was the dementia or an effect of the many strokes he'd had and that he meant to ask either where my mom was buried or where he was going to be buried. Still, for a brief moment, I was rather taken aback.
Of course, it doesn't really matter -- he is still my dad regardless of any hypothetical genetic differences. Still, to some people, it does matter. Apparently, in Australia, it matters a lot. Some men's groups are calling for mandatory paternity tests at birth. I guess there have been a lot of cases where guys paid support for a child that wasn't really theirs.
On the one hand, by making it mandatory, even silly doubts can be put to rest without the specter of suspicion causing trouble. On the other hand, men who want to raise a child as their own regardless of whether or not they are the genetic parent may not be able to do so. I'm not sure which way is the right way.
Personally, there is no way -- as much as I'd like to deny it sometimes -- that I am not the biological father of Jared and Sara. Even if I weren't, however, I would still be their dad. Just as, regardless of any miniscule possibilities to the contrary, my dad is and always will be my dad. Period. (I love you dad!)
Of course, it doesn't really matter -- he is still my dad regardless of any hypothetical genetic differences. Still, to some people, it does matter. Apparently, in Australia, it matters a lot. Some men's groups are calling for mandatory paternity tests at birth. I guess there have been a lot of cases where guys paid support for a child that wasn't really theirs.
On the one hand, by making it mandatory, even silly doubts can be put to rest without the specter of suspicion causing trouble. On the other hand, men who want to raise a child as their own regardless of whether or not they are the genetic parent may not be able to do so. I'm not sure which way is the right way.
Personally, there is no way -- as much as I'd like to deny it sometimes -- that I am not the biological father of Jared and Sara. Even if I weren't, however, I would still be their dad. Just as, regardless of any miniscule possibilities to the contrary, my dad is and always will be my dad. Period. (I love you dad!)
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
12-02-2007 @ 7:20PM
Judy said...Well, there might be some women who would complain because they couldn't trick the men anymore.
I have to say I support this. It would force women to be honest, and alleviate any doubt some men might have. My husband sometimes wondered if his daughter from his ex was really his, and thought about getting a test done. (Our sons look just like his daughter, so there's no longer any doubt.) And he (my husband) is unsure of his true paternity, and would certainly like to know.
I knew someone else who raised a little girl for a few years before finding out his best friend was her biological father. He still wanted to be involved in the girl's life, but was not allowed. There could be some way to remedy this from the beginning with mandatory paternity testing.
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12-02-2007 @ 11:59PM
Tamyu said...Personally, I think it is a good idea. If the "father" is not really the father, he deserves to know. If he already knew this and doesn`t really care, then it won`t make any difference to have it on paper.
However, I do think that it should be kept private, shown only to the mother and father (biological or not) unless they want to make a move with it. If the father chooses to raise a child who is not his as if it were, then he should be free to do so. The only time this test should come to light is in cases of lying on the mother`s part, or true uncertainty.
Men don`t deserve to be forced to pay for children that aren`t theirs. No matter how long they were together with the mother, if the child doesn`t belong to them it doesn`t. End of story.
By making it mandatory, you would eliminate a lot of the stigma that goes along with asking for a test. If you`re asking to have one done, it means that there is doubt in someone`s mind.
(I would really like to have it on paper that my son belongs to my husband, as he looks nothing like him. Friends ask in confidence "Is he *really* your husband`s?" and I have a sick feeling the in-laws are suspicious. They often comment on the lack of resemblance. *I* have no reason to doubt it, but if I were to ask for a test it would look like I did... And I would never want my husband to think that I could have cheated on him.)
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12-03-2007 @ 12:30AM
SKL said...I have a few thoughts. First of all, this sounds like a rather expensive undertaking considering it wouldn't make any difference in most cases. Secondly, it's big brother sticking his nose in an extremely private matter.
Thirdly, I know at least a couple of men who are, for all intents and purposes, the father to their child, even though it's privately known by them that it isn't their biological child. The children were the result of extramarital "foolish moments" and nobody involved has ever had any desire to break up the family over it. I am sure there are many, many situations like this. Why not let sleeping dogs lie in such cases? The husband of the mother always has the option of getting a DNA test done if he doesn't want to be the dad of someone who isn't biologically his child.
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12-03-2007 @ 10:54AM
Jill said...It sounds to me that you aren't resting easily with you dad's remark. If there's any way for you to check, I think you should. Your parent's doctors might have record of their blood types if nothing else. You know your dad loved you, but don't go to the grave yourself still leaving "miniscule possibilities to the contrary" if they bother you.
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