Teaching Mister and Missus

I'm old-fashioned, too. My son is being taught that all adults (except for family) have a title - Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., Pastor, whatever.

On the off occasion when someone tries to change that, correcting me by saying something like, "Oh, no... Mr. Smith is my *father*, he can call me John", I just look at them and say, politely, that this is a lesson in respect that I am teaching my son, and he will use proper titles. I haven't found very many people at all that have a problem with that.

I will occasionally make a concession for closer adults, though... for example, instead of Pastor Smith, it's Pastor John.

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My eldest daughter (2) calls people mister or missus. I don't really recall asking her to do so. I think we just introduced them to her as mister or missus so-and-so, and that is what she calls them. Some of our friends have nicknames that do not require a miss or mister and that is fine I think. One of my husband's closest friends has the nickname "Gumbo" and my daughter calls him 'mister gumbo'. we all think it is precious!!
As southerners, the only thing that we do insist our children do is, to say sir or ma'am when responding to an adult and, so far my daughter is really good at that.

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I'm thirty years old and get funny looks when I call people "ma'am" or "sir." I guess it's the Texas in me still, but I can't seem to get rid of it. I don't know how we'll do this with our son or daughter on the way. I think my partner and I may have different views on this.

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We were brought up with the "Mr." & "Mrs." thing, too. But we were allowed to put it with their first name. So we had Ms. Pat and Mr. Steve. My kids have been taught to do the same. I think it is polite to give adults the respect they are due, but with using their first name I think it allows kids to realize they are closer friends than other adults.
I also have the problem that now that I am an adult I can call people I've known my whole by their first names. It is a hard habit to break! I introduce myself as Ms. Shannon, and kids eventually catch on.
The only thing I don't like is not giving relatives their proper names. I don't like my niece calling me just Shannon, I like Aunt Shannon. It shows me respect, and as an adult and parent, I now deserve it. :)

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I was brought up with Mr. and Mrs., my kids were taught ma'am and sir as well.

However, I leave it up to the adult involved. We start with Mr. or Mrs. If they say "please call me Joe", then Joe it is.

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My son is taught that my friends are "Auntie" or "Uncle" So-and-so unless the person in question prefers something else.

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I've never had the attitude that my elders deserve more of my respect just because they've been around longer, nor do I think calling someone by their first name is disrespectful.

Just about the only time I say Mr. or Ms. is when referring to someone I don't know. I'll say "Yes, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" in virtually any encounter with a stranger, whether the person is 6 or 60. This was especially true in my days of waiting tables.

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My parents raised me with Aunt or Uncle for their close friends, and Mister or Missus until otherwise specified by the adult in question. Sir and ma'am were part of my vocabulary, too, but my brother never said them so I don't know exactly where I picked that one up!

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I know what Miss Manners would say: "The correct choice, as you surmise, is whatever and whenever the elder generation decides." From Teen Wonders What to Call Parents' Friends: http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=110730

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Ok, I can't figure out how to reply to Anji - since she replied to me. So I'll do it here.

I've had others point out that they think it's disrespectful for me to "go against their wishes" and not allow my son to call them what they want to be called. But isn't it just as disrespectful for a person - generally a stranger, or someone who isn't really close to me - to correct me in front of my child when I'm trying to teach him a lesson?

In my view, it's not about you, and it's not about me. It's about teaching a child a lesson in showing respect to others. And, in my opinion, a child who is on a first-name-basis with elders who are not related is disrespectful.

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I was not raised as a "mr" or "ms" person, but have caught myself introducing some friends in that manner. (playfully, she's only five months old) Not sure how long that will last.

I have never refered to aunts and uncles with title. I don't think it is a respect issue, because there is no one in the world that I respect more than my Aunt Pam. She has never seen this as a sign of disrespect either. I think there are other issues to be considered.

I agree with AnnAdams, if a person prefers to go without a title, that should be their choice. My wife is always "Mrs" at work (teacher) and it drives her crazy to be called that by non-students. I have worked with children and youth for my entire adult life and still can't get comfortable with "Mr rob."

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I introduce adults as "Auntie/Aunt Firstname" or "Uncle Firstname" if it's someone close, otherwise "Mr. / Mrs. Lastname." My kids can't say much yet, but when they can, I expect them to use these "titles of respect." The reason is that the use of such a title up front sets the tone for a respectful relationship. Aunt/Uncle is someone we look up to. When the kids get still older, e.g., around age eight or ten, they will have already learned (I hope) that elders always get more respect, and at that point the use of "titles" will most likely drop off, except in cases where the adults in question prefer them.

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Leave it up to the person that's being called.

I had a teacher that was only called by his surname. In conversation, my parents always said "Mister," and I would correct them.

Quite a few of my teachers are called by their first name, by me, anyway.

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Meagan and Eric are correct. If your goal is to teach Nolan to be a polite and respectful person, you need to start by setting the example of respecting other people's wishes as to their own names.

With that said, my nieces go Mr. and Ms. First Name unless, again, they're asked to do otherwise - and then they do so, with no fuss. I just remind them if they slip up.

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When I was in high school I spent so much time hanging out at my best friends' houses that it seemed overly formal to call each others' parents by Mr/Mrs [last name] since they were more like extended family, but not formal enough to start calling them by their first names.

My best friend started us all calling each others' parents by Mrs/Mr [friend's first name]. (So if my friend was Jane I'd be calling her mother Mrs.Jane). Our parents seemed to get a kick out of it and it was a compromise that worked well for us, actually it still does!

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I think a lot of this has to do with what part of what country you're from. I usually say Ms. or Mr. Firstname, because that's how I was raised.

I was in the military, and stationed in the midwest. I remember the first time I ran into a co-worker's wife and child and the mother said, "Child, you remember Mrs. LastName." It completely caught me off-guard. I didn't mind, but I think that was the second time in my life someone had called me "Mrs. LastName."

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I wasn't really raised to call everybody Mr./Mrs. Whatever, but I know that if I were introduced to someone as Mr./Mrs. Whatever, I would call them that until told otherwise. I don't really see that bestowing a title upon someone conveys respect all by itself. Respecting someone is about a lot more than just what you call them. And it seems kind of disrespectful to disregard someone's wishes about how they would like to be addressed.

As for me, I'd much rather be called my first name by my kids' friends, than "Isabel's Mom" and "Nick's Mom", which is what I get half the time!

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