Abandoning ship in the middle of a meltdown

I don't know, I guess it depends on the situation you are in. I mean, if you are in line and about to check out I would just strap the little guy down and give everyone else go to hell stares :). I mean, you ARE almost out of there! My theory is... its the holidays, not everyone is blessed with a babysitter when they need one and if people hate to hear children whining and screaming then they shouldn't go to the mall EVER! I usually can bribe my daughter with m&m's or a cookie from the cookie company or my cell phone when all else fails but I'll be darned if I'm going to all that trouble just to walk out empty handed! You have to have patience, not just with your child but with all the childless people around you who just don't get it! And, quite frankly, I think it is harder to have patience with the latter of the two!
Good luck to you!

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We traded off shopping days/trips. One day my husband would go. The net time me. Or one of us would go, come back and hand the keys over.

Sorry. Taking a "energetic" toddler to a crowded mall is just asking for a major meltdown. And not safely strapping a child into a stroller for the trip is just plane foolish.

I always smile at those kids and their stressed out parents. Thinking to myself. Or even saying to my husband
"Wow. I am so glad our daughter isnt like that. Can you imagine how awful the kid is at home?" And if I do have our daughter with me/us I make it a point ot look at her. Kiss her on the forehead and thank her for never behaving like that.
So I guess a thank you is owed to you and all those other parents that take their children out and cant keep them under control for a "quick trip"
You all are helping me raise a better, well behaved child.

Thanks! And have a Happy Holiday.
Have a great time at the airport and on the plane too!!!!

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I think in a situation like that where he was really just out of control I would have abandoned everything, too. Sometimes that is the only way to let them know that that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

Good luck in the future. I think everyone needs to be little more patient during the holidays when stores are busy and cashiers are often barely trained Holiday Help. It's a hard concept to explain to a toddler, though. People glowering at you over the heads of their own perfectly behaved cherubic children is no help whatsoever. (I'm looking at you M4Mommy.) We all do the best we can.

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Wow, M4M, how about you come and live with me for a week and teach me how to be as perfect as you? Did you ever try being a single mom?

I am a single mom of 2 one-year-olds, by choice. I am finding out how very hard it is to go anywhere any more. I need to go out this evening because we are almost out of whole milk, and I'm already building myself up to it. It is hard! And when you have to take them everywhere, they sometimes get tired and hungry and just plain sick of it. No matter how wonderful your kids or your parenting skills are.

My girls are both usually calm and happy, but they can get cranky too. What I do is make sure their tummies are FULL when I leave, and try to schedule in a break here and there where they can get down and move around at least every couple of hours. In addition, if it's a relatively long shopping trip, I make a stop to feed them a little sooner than absolutely necessary and give them something exra tasty and different from usual. I sing and babble to them as we shop (who cares if it isn't very dignified). I bring something for them to play with. When I notice the beggings of fretting / fussing, I use a low, calm voice to correct it, e.g., saying "oh no, that's not a very nice sound, can I hear a nice sound?" or "be patient . . . ." I also tell them what's coming next if it's something they will like. For the most part, this keeps them still and quiet, but even so, I sometimes get a holler here and there. It is hard being involuntarily restrained in one position for a long time, forced to suppress one's natural reaction to extreme stimulation - colors, lights, crowds, extreme weather, obnoxious music, and other people's screaming kids. I know I wouldn't like it.

I am doing a bit of shopping online this year, but the delivery fees for some of the stuff are just ridiculous, and most of the stuff I tried to buy from ToysRUs is "temporarily unavailable online." I have to buy for about 30 people including my two kids. I really didn't want to take them to the toy store when I buy their gifts, but I really have no choice. Thankfully, there is always some other kid in the store who is screaming louder than mine.

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And by the way, M4M, you may think you are raising a better child, but if she turns out anything like the behavior you are displaying here (and presumably modeling to her), you will be the only person who likes her.

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What's the deal with all these Moms lately claiming they have perfect children? I don't buy it for a second. My NORMAL kids have their moments of perfection and their moments of crazy when we are out in public. I consider it a good day when the moments of crazy are fewer than the idyllic ones.

In regards to Kirsten's post, we try and do our errands during the time of day when the kids are normally on their best behavior. I can do this b/c I'm a stay-at-home Mom and my schedule is flexible. But even despite this advantage, sometimes the best laid plans don't work out. Plus, some stores don't have shopping carts that let you strap two kids in at the same time. If I'm close to being finished with my shopping and one of the little ones has a meltdown, I go ahead and finish if it's physically possible. The thought of having to do the same shopping twice makes it easier to deal with everyone staring at you. But, if the meltdown happens early on in the trip, or if they are uncontrollable, I definitely abandon ship and try again later.

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Kristin-

I feel your pain. If you can do everything SKL mentioned, then strap him in somehow and tolerate the evil stares, then it might work. Of course, it might still be hard to make good shopping choices under those circumstances.

One thing that I like to do when possible is go during off hours. Early on a weekday, when there's less crowds and you're less likely to run into lots of people.

M4Mommy, you're lucky your kid hasn't had a mall meltdown....yet!

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Kristin, that is a tough one. I think you just have to go with your gut, like you did.

But certainly don't let other people in the store, or maybe the bit*hes on this website, change your confidence in yourself or your decisions as a mother. You know your son. You know his limits. You know when it is time to stay and time to get the heck outta dodge. And who the frick cares about the peering over glasses in contempt. You have just as much a right to be there as the woman peering over her glasses.

Oh, and I agree with SKL on this one, M4M, if your child is anything like you, definitely not the perfect child. I wouldn't recommend downing Kristin on this site either. She is well-loved and well-respected here and you will not like the comments that come your way, I am sure.

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Must be nice to be perfect. I certainly wouldn't know.

Mine were usually good but I had a couple of times when I had all 3 along that I abandoned cart and left (without the treat they were expecting).

Oh yeah, and what SKL said goes double for me.

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Yikes! We have all been there. Love and Logic has a lot of great techniques to help with shopping meltdown. Their early childhood package was a lifesaver! www.loveandlogic.com

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M4M, that is the meanest thing I've read in a long time. Just know: Your day will come.

Now, Kristin, to your problem: I'm a solo parent (not by choice) to a 2-year-old and an 8-month old. My husband is in Afghanistan, and since we have no money since the Navy yanked him back to active duty, I can never afford a babysitter. I do EVERYTHING with two children in tow. So I feel your pain.

I believe containment is key. I think you had the right idea, but it sounds like you didn't have Nolan strapped down. I never shop without one kid strapped into the stroller or cart and one kid strapped to my body. Then ply them with toys, snacks, songs, find-the-color game - whatever you have to do to keep them quiet. Browsing must be done online, at home. Have a list. Then RUN through the store.

I also let my toddler put things from the cart onto the belt or counter at the store. He LOVES that, and I go over-the-top praising what a great helper he is. That helps a lot at check-out, where meltdowns are most likely to happen.

And, if I can ever-so-gently suggest that, next year, try to shop earlier. I have all my shopping done by 1 Dec every year. It really is too hard to do it in December. When I worked, I used to go two days a week on my lunch break to shop. That was heaven. Now, I have to do it with kids, but it's still better in November than December. And then, in December, you can drink cocoa and pat yourself on the back about how organized you are.

The trick to that is deciding what everyone is getting ahead of time. I pick a theme for everyone's gift each year (like my mom is getting a Jane Austen themed gift, my brother is getting an outdoor party themed gift, my MIL a margarita party gift) and then get little things to go along with that. I like that because it's fun and a bit of a game, finding things to go with the theme.

Good luck, Kristin. Just know you're not alone. None of us are perfect at this. Well, I guess very few of us are!

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For me, it usually depends on how close I am to being done. If I'm waiting to check out, I'll usually just grit my teeth and deal with it.

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Well, thanks everyone (except M4M) -- this was one of the nicest, most thoughtful strings of comments I've had in my tenure here.

It's certainly comforting to know I'm not alone and Melissa, yes: next year I will aim to be done by Halloween!

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Kristin, I'm glad you got so many positive comments that made you feel better.

Have you tried a kid leash yet? I know some people are really against them but it sounds like it could have kept Nolan from getting too far away. It's hard to shop with a stroller and all the bags, and sometimes a 2-3 year old is too big for the cart. We have one that's a plush monkey packback. She puts her toys snacks in there and then we have a hand on her but she can wander freely. These days my daughter is pretty good about staying with us, and my son uses it.

I am a BELIEVER that you should abandon ship in the hope of making your point known and so as not to have a repeat performance on your next trip out....BUT with that said, I've also been guilty of lingering longer than I should have.

M4Mommy...you've got 1 kiddo don't you? ;) I remember thinking things were easy with just one kiddo....and then there were two.......mwhahahahahahaha.....just you wait!

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Kirsten,

Above all----FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!! If you think your child can stand a few more minutes finish shopping and get what you need done. If not, you did what was best, grab and run.

I agree with some other posters, stollers are a mom's best friend (esp. one u can push with one hand), snacks, going earlier or when it's less people.

M4M--I'm soooo glad you have a perfect child. If I had a child going thru a melt-down and heard a comment like the one you posted, I would reply to my child loudly that there are rude, self-centered know it alls in the world today that just do not know how to mind their own business and kiss the head of my loud, crying, screaming child and look thru a book. B/c really, that just means my child is normal.

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Wow, I am surprised at the response that M4M has gotten. She usually says things way worse than this, and rarely do people call her on it, let alone a whole bunch of post putting her in her place. Anyway, I am glad people are finally saying something. I have responded to her self-righteousness a time or two, but usually I just ignore her because I think she believes she is just as wonderful and perfect as her daughter, and nothing I say is going to change that. Anyway, maybe she got what she had coming because this attack was a little more personal (directed at Kristen *heart*), but hopefully she will learn that her judgmental attitude is not appreciated.

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Kristin bless you ! These are so hard, in this season I have a 4yo boy, energetic who due to allergies is taking Albuterol, omgoodness, it's sorry *baby crack* too big for a cart, ugh. I do all my "standard shopping" online, ie giftcards, and I *try* to avoid bribes , though not always possible , I have found that alot of silly interaction helps alot, shopping ahead of course as well, though I myself can't afford it, knowing where you are going and for what helps as well, I avoid the malls 100%, it's a sensory overload ,this year as a wahm, I decided to take a seasonal position, in retail, that has saved me, I make just enough to cover preschool and gas, however I get to communicate with adults, AND do all my shopping at work while my son is till at school, it has been bliss. My best tip is , don't stress yourself out about other people, focus on your son, try to avoid bribes , and don't worry so much about *the perfect gift* ( oh and tell snooty impatient cashiers where to go :) ) Good Luck! (and on leaving, mentally if necessary is great, but weigh the alternative, start all over or stick it out)

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