Letting boys wear dresses, girls play cowboys

I feel playing is playing. PERIOD.

Reply

Children this age have no grasp of gender roles. Adults instill these in them. They are just emulating what they see. Nolan sees Mommy wear the red heels and he wants to do what Mommy does. My son sees his big sister put on her ballet tutu, the purple boa, and my heels and twirl around the house, and he does the same. I have lots of adorable pictures of both of them. They both also put on Daddy's police shirt and his work boots and clomp around the house. They don't think in terms of "girls'" or "boy'" attire or jobs. They just think it is great fun.

Those people who would think my son is going to be a *sissy boy* or what have you because I let him dress up in whatever pretend outfits he chooses, I say "Go jump in a cold lake". I don't inhibit my daughter's choice of pretend, why should I do so to my son's?

I use to teach preschool, and children are always going to choose to imitate whatever is influencing their life in the moment. If they just came from the doctor, they are going to play doctor and pretend to take temperatures and give each other shots. If they just visited the zoo, they are going to pretend to take care of animals. They are going to dress up like Mommies and Daddies and teachers and babies and big sisters and brothers. It doesn't matter to them what their gender may be, they are just going to dress-up and pretend. It has absolutely no bearing on what their sexuality is. They don't even understand what sexuality is at this age.

Reply

I think all of the commentors on the show had valid points. Did I agree with all of them? No, but I can see where they are coming from. That being said, I wouldn't encourage my son if he wore a dress. I wouldn't freak out or anything, but I would try to explain that some things are more girl things and some things are boy things. In my experience, boys don't usually want to play the same sort of games girls do and so cases like the one being discussed are the exception, not the norm.

Reply

I agree with Joy and Michelle. Oh my good gracious. Little kids like to play with all kinds of stuff. Most of them are not "transgendered" as Barbara Walters was dramatically saying (although I'm sure that would be true for some kids, most preschool kids just like to pretend). I always see little toddler boys at the church creche putting on fairy wings and running around. I honestly am surprised that people care about this stuff...

I have two boys. They are really boyish, love all the rough and tumble stuff and typical "boys" toys, trucks, cars, trains, balls, tools etc. But we also have a toy kitchen, about 2 -3 soft dolls, toy brooms etc (none of them are pink, but I think I would actually steer away from all that pink junk for a girl too - here in the UK the stuff right now for little girls is all so pink and "girly" toys are all so dumbed down at the moment. It is really annoying...).

Why shouldn't they be allowed to play "house"? It is what they see all the time why not let them pretend it? I don't want to raise a couple of chauvenists who think housework is for girls. My husband has never been bothered by us having any of these toys either, it just seems totally natural to both of us. I know some people though who freak out if their son even picks up a doll, why would we do that? Can't they be loving dads some day? Also, that seems to make a much bigger deal of it to me and maybe even makes stuff that parents are reacting to even more attractive to them - like forbidden fruit?

I love seeing them play imaginatively with their dolls. They often drive the dolls around in their trucks, or make a tent and put the dolls inside. One day the dolly was a cop and they were the robbers hiding from it. They also sometimes play "house" What's wrong with that? They have "action figures" too and do much the same. Because an "action figure" is not called a "doll" that somehow makes it better?

Lasy year at my older son's Nursery about 6 of them played "Superman and Supergirl" together everyday for months. It was 3 boys 3 girls. They ALL took turns being BOTH Superman and Supergirl. They were all three years old an that seemed fine and normal to them. It was no big deal.

Anyway, as you can tell, I don't think it is a problem.

Reply

Orion doesn't even know there are differences between men and women yet, let alone that those differences mean he will be expected to behave according to a specific gender construct. While he isn't inhibited in this way, why should I force him into behaving in a certain way?

You have no idea how big my smile was when I walked into the nursery to pick him up and one of the other little boys, aged three or four, was wearing a gold 'princess' dress from the dressing-up box and proudly showing off his 'pretty clothes' to everyone who would listen. I love Orion's nursery. :D

Reply

I wouldn't freak out or anything if my son wanted to put on a dress, hair ribbon, whatever during play. I think it's natural and healthy up to a point for all children. However, based on my info and experience, boys who do tend to do this more than others are more likely to have a non-mainstream gender identity as adults. I don't think you can really do anything about this anyway, so I would still let them play with dresses. However, I wouldn't let them go out in public or to school like that. Let's face it, no matter how understanding we as parents may be, our kids can still suffer a lot at the hands of others.

Reply

Well, I'm not someone who believes that if my son is gay (which is what all this anxiety is really about, isn't it?) that me not letting him wear dresses is going to prevent that and make him straight. And if he's straight, then wearing dresses to play in won't change him either.

Costumes are just costumes, and the more we don't get hyper about what they "mean" the more our kids will have fun and not get all hung up on manliness or girliness or whatever. My son will figure out for himself what it means to be a man and (if I do my job right) a good person.

It helps to take a historical viewpoint. Up to the Victorian era, boys AND girls in the West wore dresses--complete with bonnets, ribbons, etc.--until about age 5 or so. Children that small were considered essentially sexless. Yet gender roles were maintained much more rigidly then. Pink was also considered a boy color until about 1910 or so. Yet boys and girls continued to be boys and girls.

Reply

Cowboys!?? That's so 1880. Try "ranch hands". Or "ranchers". Which can be either gender.

Reply

It's interesting, this. My son (almost four) delights in wearing dresses to preschool. Sure, some of the kids tell him that dresses are for GIRLS, but he disagrees. Naturally, all of the kids saying such things are older (4+) and have been shaped to believe what their parents believe; the younger kids don't think anything of it. Neither do the teachers. And I'm pretty sure it won't have anything to do with his future sexual preferences.

Reply

It's time for the View to "clean-up" it's act. I think the show is terribly boring and I'm sick of Joy's so called "jokes". They are not funny nor is she. Also, when Rosie was on the View at least you knew the hour would be interesting, one way or another. Not to forget the sweet Elisabeth that speaks before she thinks. Time for a new co-host. Barbara should retire now. She sits there like a "guard" making sure the girl's behave themselves. How exciting is that?

Reply