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How often do you have date nights?
Filed under: Babies, Places To Go
My husband and I came to a rather startling (and fully embarrassing) realization last month. We'd only been out as a couple 3 times since Wito was born. Um, Wito is SIXTEEN MONTHS OLD. What's that? Like an average of one outing sans child per 5.33 months? Oh, dear God.
Granted, we don't have any family close by, so we don't have the option of dropping him off with our parents or any relative for that matter. And babysitters aren't cheap! Our babysitter was previously our nanny when I worked full-time, so we still pay her her "nanny" rate. This situation kind of SUCKS, considering Wito is sleeping the entire time she's here during the evening.
We made the decision to conduct our date nights twice a month, and I talked to my babysitter about paying her a flat rate for the evenings. (Which was sooooo hard, as I am a huge people-pleaser and didn't want to offend her. I was sweating like a whore in church.) She immediately agreed to the lesser amount and I did a little happy dance. In my head, of course.
Last night was one of our first date nights, and it was so fantastic. Adult conversations! And food! And cocktails! (Although, Wito's 6:30am wake up call this morning was less than lovely.)
What about you? Are date nights a common occurrence in your home? Most importantly, can anyone beat my record of 3 nights in 16 months?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
12-16-2007 @ 6:29PM
Sabrina said...I can. My DD was 2 and my DS was 6 months old before we went out without any children with us.
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12-16-2007 @ 7:41PM
Melissa said...Yeah, I can, too. My husband and I went out ONCE by ourselves by the time our son was 16 months old.
We did get to have lunch a bit when we were both working though, so maybe that doesn't count. I can tell you, though, that there is NOTHING less romantic than a meal in a military dining facility, surrounded by co-workers. So maybe it doesn't count.
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12-16-2007 @ 10:56PM
Messed Up Mama said...I'm afraid I have all 3 of you beat. My son will be 5 in February, I can't recall even one night. We did leave him with a cousin while we were moving once, and we even had lunch at Taco Bell, Would that count? LOL Not date nights around here.
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12-16-2007 @ 8:37PM
Kellie said...Well, we moved to Texas in June and we have not gone out once with each other. We don't know anyone well enough here to trust them with out kids. Our 5 year old has only been watched by family. I also had a baby in september and there is absolutely no way that I would leave her with anyone, not even family. She is too young for that I think, especially since she is nursing.
My hubby and I have gone to a movie two times since the baby has been born when our son was in school, but we took the baby with us. To me that kind of counts because the baby is easy and it was one kid and not two. :)
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12-16-2007 @ 9:05PM
CLM said...I guess my husband and I are the odd ones out. Unless our sitter cancels for some reason, we go out every Friday night. We started our date night when the twins were about 2 1/2 months old. It is definitely not cheap, but we cut corners in other areas to make it happen.
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12-16-2007 @ 10:29PM
queenoqueens said...We rarely go out because we don't want to trouble family and we don't trust anyone else, never mind the cost of a sitter. My oldest is 6, and the number of times we've gone out without them is definitely under 10. And in my mind many of those don't count since they were work parties, etc.
The last time we did ask for babysitting for our kids, we spent the night out furniture shopping. Sad.
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12-16-2007 @ 10:28PM
stephanie said...My son will be 15 months on the 25th. My hubby and I have had 2 TRUE date nights!!! None of our family lives in state and we have not found anyone we trust to watch the boy!! Good thing baby boy is soooo adorably cute that we don't mind it. :)
We do have Sushi Date Nights though. Baby boy goes to bed at 615 and one of us goes and gets the sushi and we eat by candle light on the floor...that counts for something, right??!
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12-16-2007 @ 10:27PM
Catherine Honan said...Does it count that my husband is deployed so we won't have a date night for 11 months? My date nights consist of going out with other wives and no kids. That's happened once, I think, since hubby left in Sept, and if I'm lucky it will happen again next Friday. I would KILL for a night of adult conversation and drinks, and preferably some sex, but I guess that will have to wait....Stupid war.
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12-16-2007 @ 11:02PM
Lisa J said...Oh my. I must be an odd one out too! My husband and I go out every Saturday night and sometimes, if we get lucky, another night too, just for a quick dinner or drink. With our busy schedules, we need that time to reconnect as a couple and it keeps the romance going for us. But having a date night at home can work well too if the sitter cancels or something like that--all that really matters, I think, is taking the time to nurture your marriage.
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12-17-2007 @ 9:45AM
SKL said...I don't have a date so no date nights lately. But, I've had a standing Friday dinner with my friends / business partners for years. When the babes came we thought we'd be making a lot of unpleasant adjustments ("want fries with that?"), but we just bring them with us and they fit right in. I eat a lot less than I used to, but other than that, it works out fine.
Actually, I have not gone anywhere without the girls since they have been here, other than three short errands while they were asleep. As far as they know, they go where Mama goes.
Not sure what I'd do if I was invited for a "date" at this point in life. "Sure, let us pick you up since I have the car seats in my car"? Probably not. My sister lives 15 minutes away so I'd probably give her that babysitting opportunity she's been waiting for.
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12-17-2007 @ 9:43AM
Debbi said...I can beat it. I have 3 kids, the oldest is 4.5 years old, we have been married for 5 years and the last time we went out as a couple was on our wedding night. We haven't been out as a couple since.
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12-17-2007 @ 9:43AM
DMK said...Funny you posted this, this has been on my mind. Our DD is 3 and DH and I have gone out 2x this year. That's it. And if I had to guess, I would say that since she's been born it's only been about 2x per year. I also don't have family in the area, am a WOHM, and have tremendous guilt when I don't spend ALL my time off with my daughter. (I usually even try to get my haircuts during my lunch hour!) I know it's not healthy for my marriage and I do think it's beginning to take its toll. :(
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12-17-2007 @ 9:43AM
Gry said...DATE NIGHT?
What is that? Heh! We haven't been out without the baby since she was born - also 16 months ago. An average of 0 dates per 16 months. I beat you!
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12-17-2007 @ 9:42AM
Karen said...My husband and I rarely had date nights for many of the same reasons here. However, I realized that since the most important thing I can give my child is a good marriage to their father, I had to find a way.
There are TONS of trustworthy people out there. If you say there is nobody that you trust, you need to re-evaluate your percptions. Get a referral from a friend, ask a child's preschool teacher, find an older adult. If you need to ease into it, save someone come for an hour in the afternoon while you are there. Then leave them for an hour. Then have a night out.
I felt the same way about leaving my kids. We started with my daughter's preschool teacher and then when she went to kindergarten, that teacher's high school daughter became our sitter for several years. It was more expensive to have an older sitter and one that drives, and it meant less dates, but I think it is very important.
Now we have recently moved and I had a sitter that I didn't know at all. I trusted a recommendation. Even the sitters mom came to check us out. My kids are older now, so I'm not as paranoid, but I wish I had evaluated my perceptions on the safety of leaving my kids with a sitter sooner. I also wish I had rearranged finances to have more date nights as well.
DH and I have a good relationship, but I do think time alone is crucial and for those that are not taking the time...I URGE you to do so.
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12-17-2007 @ 9:42AM
Jennifer said...Can't beat you but I can tie you. Almost 17 months old and we've had three Date Nights.
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12-17-2007 @ 9:51AM
Pavlina said...I beat you hands down. My son will be four in May and we have had TWO date nights since he was born. Next...
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12-17-2007 @ 12:42PM
Allison said...Not going to beat you because our oldest is 3 and we go out a few times a year. It is usually to a wedding or work event. However, I find this topic fascinating and I'll bet you get passionate responses on both sides.
For me, it isn't that much fun to be out without the kids. I work full time and feel I miss out on so much already. My husband is home with them full time and he needs to get out. Three or four nights a week he is out at the gym or volunteering or whatever to get some adult interaction. We are often passing ships. Is our alone time a priority right now? Not really, but we are done having kids and we both recognize that the time alone and together will return in a few years.
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12-17-2007 @ 1:42PM
Michelle said...Well, mine are 3 and 5, we just celebrated our 6th anniversary. Our anniversary date this year was a dr appt, a pre-op visit, lunch, then picking up the kids from school. Our anniversary is Nov 30, so usually our date is spent with the youngest Christmas shopping. Our last night date was for our first anniversary, when our oldest was 7 weeks old. Sometimes, we get to leave the kids with Grandma and go to the grocery store together, or the doctor. We might sneak in lunch, if we are feeling mischievious.
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12-17-2007 @ 2:07PM
sunny said...We've been out once since dd's arrival...to WalMart and the food court. DD just turned four! :)
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12-17-2007 @ 5:37PM
BigGUM said...In over six years I think we've gone out maybe twice? Three times? (Not counting a small handful of non-date outings to school and such.)
Blah.
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