I'm Expecting My 5th: What To Make Of The Trend In Bigger Families
Well, the big news in our life is that I'm expecting baby number five. I've known for some time now, but having had two miscarriages, I wanted to wait to announce anything publicly until I was definitely in the clear. Things are currently looking good and I expect to have an uneventful pregnancy. The most interesting thing about being pregnant with my fifth is that suddenly I'm noticing a lot of articles talking about the trend toward bigger families. Specifically, these articles suggest that it is becoming a status symbol among the wealthier set to have a big brood – four, five, even six kids. In the past, this affluent demographic had only one or two kids, while large families were the domain of the poor, ethnic or Catholic. I fall into the third category and I can assure you that "Brangelina" or any other fad had nothing to do with my decision to have a fifth child. The most common explanation for the recent trend toward larger families is that over-achieving, former career women-turned at-home-moms are behind the phenomenon and that stripped of their corporate or professional ambitions, they have transferred this energy into "competitive birthing". Frankly, I'm tired of people ganging up on at-home moms and assigning some sort of psychological illness to their decision to give up the rat race to be home with their kids. It seems to allude these journalists and pundits that there actually are normal, sane, and intelligent people who love kids, want more than 2, and seem to find value and joy in spending their days in the company of children, especially their own children. This particular article/blog and the NPR story it references take issue with moms of big families who hire outside help to make their family life and schedule more manageable. http://www.businessweek.com/careers/workingparents/blog/archives/2007/08/the_new_fad_big.html They subtly undermine moms who get help by citing exaggerated examples of women hiring out the potty training or someone to remove nits when their child comes home from school with lice. I know plenty of great moms who have hired out a college student to help shuttle kids between school and activities, or hire a nanny or babysitter so they can help out at their child's school or go to a child's recital without a crying infant. Personally, I hire someone to help me clean the house in the morning 3 days a week. We work together and get the job done in less than half the time it would take me to do it alone. This doesn't make me less of a mom; it makes me a more resourceful mom. I'm a mom, not a martyr. The other criticism is that having a big family may actually shortchange a child since he or she will get less quality time with the parent. While one-on-one time is indeed harder to come by with each additional child, the extraordinary benefits (and outright fun!) of having multiple siblings should also not be ignored. I grew up in a family of four kids, but my husband grew up in a family of 11 kids (yes, 11!) and we often discuss the benefits and drawbacks to both situations. What both of us can agree on, however, is that we wouldn't wish for one less sibling in our families. The bottom line is that there is, indeed, a rise in bigger families in America and I think it says something very positive about our society that children are being valued and desired. After decades of parents who were more interested in "finding themselves", it's refreshing to see a new generation of parents who are discovering the meaning of life in the joys and trials of parenthood. Far from being something for academics or NPR to worry about, I think this bodes well for the future.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
colamum 12-19-2007 @ 5:16PM
Congratulations Rachel! As a child of a family of five kids as well, i can tell you that having someone to always bicker, talk to, and share things with (among other perks). I am glad to be part of a group that no one else but us is part of and I also will probably do the same for my children.
It is great to see that family and children are once again becoming the center of peoples lives instead of career and personal growth.
Thank you also for sharing your stories that perhaps give other new families (or families who are struggling to keep things in perspective) hope to continue to aim for their dream - be it 2 kids or 5.
Best of luck with your newest addition!
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kim walsh 12-19-2007 @ 7:02PM
What wonderful news!! How exciting #5. Hope you are feeling well and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Kim
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Angie Felton 12-19-2007 @ 10:56PM
Congratulations and best wishes!
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Sarah 12-19-2007 @ 11:23PM
I just found your blog and I've added it to my bookmarks! Congrats on your fifth! That's is very exciting. That's so great that you live up north - I went to high school in Rhinelander and now live in Chicago. Wisconsin is a great place to live and raise kids, which I'm sure you know. Happy Holidays!
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Jennifer 12-20-2007 @ 1:09AM
Rachel, I'm so excited for you! The more I read your blog, the more I realize what a great mom you are. You have all these family traditions, and all these wonderful things going on in your life. A 5th baby is a blessing and he or she will have a wonderful family to be born into. When is your due date? Do you find out the gender ahead of time? Do you pick out names ahead of time or decide at the last minute? This is such great news! Congratulations!
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kelley 12-20-2007 @ 2:31AM
Congratulations Rachel and Sean! :)
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Chere 12-20-2007 @ 10:26AM
Congratulations! That is wonderful! You seem like such a great mom and another child will just add to your many blessings. Make sure you get some rest and enjoy your pregnancy!
Chere
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sadie 12-20-2007 @ 11:08AM
"It is great to see that family and children are once again becoming the center of peoples lives instead of career and personal growth."
here we go again with this.....there is nothing wrong with having focus on one's career and not kids. If a person wants that to be their priority, so be it. There are plenty of other people who just want to have kids and don't aspire to other types of "work." Raising kids is plenty hard enough.
Anyway you cut it, IT IS ALL WORK--whether it is inside or outside the home.
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colamum 12-20-2007 @ 12:13PM
I was not berating people who choose careers over family life. Whether being a stay at home or working mother, the important issue is that balancing their family life with working is important. From what I recall when I was growing up, family life was not as major a focus (in some instances) in comparison to working to support ones family.
Maggie 12-20-2007 @ 12:32PM
This is the first time reading your blog...it's great! Congratulations on number 5! I am one of five and agree with your comments on big families!! In browsing your blog I have to say that I agree with what you write and find you a breath of fresh air in a country of political correctness. Keep it up!!
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Shida Moor 12-20-2007 @ 1:05PM
Rachel, I just discovered your blog this morning thanks to celebrity-babies.com! I have been a fan of yours since I was 18! Back then, The Real World had significance, and the cast consisted of intelligent people with something interesting to say. I think Real World jumped the shark about 7 years ago and became a show plagued by raunchiness, fights, stupidity and alcoholism! Although I may not agree with some of your views, I have always been interested in what you have to say! Your blog is great!
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Jaci 12-20-2007 @ 1:32PM
Great news on your #5!
I grew up in a small family (one of 2 kids), but as a mom of 4 I just love watching my children interact with one another. I like to think that the attention they give each other helps make up for the fact that they share the attention of their parents with more sibs. Having a big family has been a wonderful surprise in my life (#3 ended up being a #3 and #4).
Whatever people choose in life (no kids or a full house), as long as it's right for them, who are we to analyze. Thanks for the post & congrats!
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deanne 12-20-2007 @ 3:29PM
Congratulations??? Five kids when the earth is already overpopulated is irresponsible. I'm sure you are raising nice children, but if we all reproduced like you, the world would be in even worse condition.
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Sandyone 12-26-2007 @ 8:49AM
Really chaps yer hide, don't it??
Go study some population and see how it expands and shrinks. Then drive around the center of the United States (or even the western part of the most densely populated state-NJ-) and then tell me how crowded this Earth is. Hint: It ain't! Then go to all of the other First World countries and ask them why they're so worried about their shrinking populations and what it means for their citizens/subjects.
Congratulations, Rachel. The life of a Lotsa Mom is certainly interesting!!! I wouldn't trade it for all of the tea at the PG Tips packaging plant (and that's sayin' something!).
luluhart 12-21-2007 @ 5:00PM
Rachel -
I for one am envious of your situation and appalled by comment #14. Since when is it irresponsible for a loving, MARRIED couple with the means and ability to bring another WANTED child into this world?
Give me a break deanne. Believe it or not, there are people in this world who wish to have children and a larger family, but are stuck with the situations God has put them in.
You go with your big family Rachel!
Lori
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Chris 12-22-2007 @ 11:28AM
"...large families were the domain of the poor, ethnic or Catholic. I fall into the third category..."
Rachel, you also fall into the second category, no? Or have you conveniently forgotten your Latina heritage? Everyone knows how much Latinas love to have lots of babies!
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kate 12-22-2007 @ 10:58PM
One thing is for certain: the world is over-populated with rude, cruel morons who find humor in posting nasty messages regarding an unborn baby.
But thanks, Deanne and Chris, for spreading your holiday "cheer" . . . you really have added a lot of value to this post. I am sure you spread happiness and joy to all you meet.
Congrats on the baby, Rachel. :-)
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Natasha66acting 12-23-2007 @ 9:34PM
Congratulations Rachel! I do agree with what you say on how stay at home moms get the third degree somewhat. I am a mom to a one year old and I have chosed not to go back to work because I can't afford daycare or a babysitter at this time so it doesn't pay but I get the judgement on that all the time. From my sister in law telling me to work in a pre-school but I would have to be certified for that and that would mean money and going to school which I cannot do at this time. I choose to only have my one kid for this lifetime and not anymore but that is my decision that should not be judge just as you shouldn't be judged for having 5 children. There are lots of negative people out there wanting to judge everyday and every second and I frankly can't stand it. Lots of luck to you and your whole family.
Take care
Natasha oxoxox
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FK 12-24-2007 @ 9:51PM
This is such great news, Rachel! Congratulations to you and your family. I wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy!
Merry Christmas!
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GIA 12-27-2007 @ 2:44PM
CONGRADULATIONS!!!!
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