Do parenting styles change after divorce?

A household in chaos with a set of parents that don't see eye to eye is no good, but I'm going to risk flames here and say that in some ways it is still a better environment for raising children (barring physical abuse, etc.).

One parent can take some of the pressure off of the other by sharing the workload even if the relationship has grown cold. If couples grow apart emotionally, they can still be functioning parents. However, if they separate the workload pretty much falls to the custodial parent with little relief.

I have seen an instance of this happening recently. As long as this particular dad was in the house, he had a good relationship with the children. Once he moved out, it was as if he divorced the children right along with their mom.

When mom began to date, the children would get attached to guys and then when she stopped dating them they felt abandoned once again. I can only imagine what this is doing to those kids' self esteem.

Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/

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Almost everything changes in a divorce. How can anyone think parenting styles don’t change when everything else is different? Instead of being at home with your children, you out looking for the “next Mr or Mrs Right? Then you add your dating partners children to the mix. Friends are different depending which parent you are with. Then you have people talking bad about one parent or the other. Most couples going through a divorce are thinking about themselves. I know there may be a few “mature” folks out there but in general, people change when “fighting” in court over your home, custody and all the other household “things” one wants and so does the other.

The only thing I can say is that IF you want a divorce, IF nothing you try works…..just go ahead and do it before you hate the other person. That is the worst for children. Staying together for them is not doing them any favor. When your parents hate one another, that’s the worst thing for a child to happen. When you are in a bitter fight, how can parenting not change? Most people aren’t thinking of the children at this point no matter how good of a parent you were before.

My parents got divorced 10 years to late. Traditions change, you have to be split in two. Homes change. Things change and your no longer #1. There are no more Monopoly nights, no movie nights, no more vacations to the cabin. People like to think everything “will stay the same” but it doesn’t happen in real life for most people. Now, after 30 years, my parents can get along but it took a long time to get here.

What you say Jan about sharing the workload and taking pressure off one parent by the other isn't going to happen if they hate each other. It would be nice but if they cared and loved each other and could work together, they probably wouldn't be getting divorced. People tend to get VERY ugly in these situations and the poor kids are stuck in the middle not knowing who to trust or what to do because thier whole safe world is falling apart. It's a nice thought though.

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To Joy, #2 who said:
"Instead of being at home with your children, you out looking for the “next Mr or Mrs Right? Then you add your dating partners children to the mix. Friends are different depending which parent you are with. Then you have people talking bad about one parent or the other. Most couples going through a divorce are thinking about themselves."
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It's ridiculous to generalize your own or your parents divorce experience to everyone else (I noticed that you mentioned your parents' divorce, which I have to assume may be behind this diatribe on your part). There are PLENTY of people who worry very much about their children's well being during a divorce. Plenty of people arrange counseling for their children just in order to help them with the transition. Plenty of mothers and fathers try to work together to help make things as easy as possible on the children.

I also very much resent the comment that people are just out there dating other people willy nilly and bringing them into their children's lives. What? Many people take some time off from dating after a divorce. Many people don't bring others home to meet their children unless they are very serious (i.e. marriage minded) about that new person, much less adding other children to the mix.

And I think its horribly misguided to think most people think only of themselves. How on earth would you know what other people think? I like to give folks a bit more credit than that.

I've been divorced eleven years. My son is nineteen now. He has ALWAYS come first. I never remarried so that I could focus on him and his needs. I may begin to date more after he transfers to a distant college for the last two years of his bachelor's degree. His father and I do not talk about each other, in fact we get along very well.

For any good parent, their children will always come first, regardless of the circumstances.

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