Do charity gifts make you look cheap?

by Nadine Silverthorne (Subscribe to Nadine Silverthorne's posts) Dec 24th 2007 10:01AM

I have a very large extended family. We are lucky enough to live 30 minutes from each other. But each year at Christmas I watch the children of my cousins open gift after gluttonous gift, often with a remark like, "I already have this." Don't get me wrong -- I love these kids, but they are so fortunate that sometimes I wonder if they take it for granted.

This year I was wondering how I could give them a gift without contributing to making more stuff. I saw an ad for the charity organization, World Vision. Once I went to their site and started to browse their catalogue I was sold. How can one resist buying soccer balls for kids who have nothing? Or blankets to keep them warm? Or nets to keep mosquitoes away, decreasing the chance of getting malaria? All for under $50!

I saw my cousins last night and as I watched the kids joyously rip into every gift, I had a pang of regret. Was I taking joy away from these children that I adore? The worst part was that everyone was watching and I knew what they would think: Oh there is our bohemian writer cousin not having enough dosh for good gifts.

I shoved those feelings aside when I realized that if I was taking an ounce of joy from these tweens and teens, I was giving a pound of it to someone in much greater need. My ultimate goal was to spark a conversation in their families, raising awareness of those in need on the other side of the world. Who cares what everyone ended up thinking of my gift? If I had got them thinking at all then it was worth it. After all, it's supposed to be about giving, right?

Still I couldn't help but register the disappointment when the kids opened their cards. What do you think? Are charity gifts a good idea? Really?

Comments (12)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Chris 12-24-2007 @ 10:50AM

Nadine, check out www.CanadaHelps.org -- the premise is fantastic: you pay for the donation and the recipient chooses the charity. Great for kids because they can give to something they love (dogs, animal shelters, sports, etc.). I think a donation like that is the perfect thing for kids with too much plastic crap under the tree.

lisa 12-24-2007 @ 11:44AM

yes, they are bad...you are giving what you want them to receive not what they want...yes, those organizations can help but give on your own not on behalf of someone who wants something else...we give to organizations throughout the year to bless other peoples lives but i wouldnt dream of having my children open christmas gifts and have it be a donation...nor would i do that for my neices or nephews unless asked by the family...

Jenn D 12-24-2007 @ 12:29PM

In the poll I chose the "they're a great idea option," but I feel that I need to expand on my selection.

Charity donations are fabulous gifts for other adults or older teens. People who you don't really know what to get, people who you'd probably end up giving a gift card. For kids they are a crummy gift, there are better ways to help your children become socially conscious than disappointing them at Christmas.

Keri 12-24-2007 @ 1:49PM

I think charity gifts are a good idea as long as you know that the gift-receiver will appreciate it or if they chose the charity themselves. Another big-family Christmas exchange idea is to have the adults draw names and buy one gift (establish a maximum price) for each child. After all, the kids will get plenty of presents from their own parents. Would that be doable for your family?

SKL 12-24-2007 @ 2:07PM

I have done this, but given a small item representing the charity along with an explanation of the donation. Like a little angel made by individuals who benefit from the charity. I think it is a bit much to expect other people's kids to appreciate the "donation on my behalf in lieu of gift" idea. Kids may get it if it is separately discussed with them in advance, and you can do this with your own kids, but you can't presume that other parents have done it with theirs. Another possibility is to talk to the kids on Thanksgiving and offer them a choice of charities and tell them that's what you're doing for their Christmas present. Then at least they won't be disappointed when they open the card at Christmas. But I would still try to include a little token gift, e.g., a nice bookmark reflecting the sentiment of your charitable gift.

CLM 12-24-2007 @ 2:25PM

I think it can work if you also give the child a small item that helps them relate to or learn about the country/charity to which you have given. One of the things I like about Heifer International is that you can pick specific items to donate in another person's name. You get a card with an explanation of why the gift is appropriate for that region and how it will be used. You could also include a small book with the history of the country or its people. I know as a child I would have loved something like that.

kris 12-24-2007 @ 3:51PM

I think its a thoughtful gift. I am a parent an if someone donated on my child's behalf I would be pleased. It presents an opportunity to disucss those with less than us and how we can truely give. I think its wonderful to have gifts under the tree, but at some point it gets to be too much. Kids who have too much rarely seem to even appreciate it. Its never to early to teach a child about generosity.

aprilw 12-25-2007 @ 6:19PM

I've given the World Vision gifts, but never to other people kids.

My kids and I pick some of those out each year. They love looking through the pictures and choosing things to help others. We even put up an extra stocking last year to put those gifts for others less fortunate in.

We also give them to their grandparents along with another small gift.

I use it as something to teach my own kids, but that is not all I give them. If I was going to give those to other people's kids I would give them another small gift for themselves along with it. You're basically giving them a card saying that you gave their gift away to someone else (albeit a very needy someone else).

Kid's do get too much, but I figure if I am participating in a gift giving event then I'm going to have to participate. If you don't like it then bring that up and tell people that (I have before). Say "kids get too many presents, how can we cut back on this?". I know my own kids are going to get tons from other people so they just get some small presents in their stockings, and a couple presents each under the tree to open after breakfast.

Suggest to your family that you all give smaller gifts, or fewer, or give to charity or something. Giving kids only "in lieu of" charity gifts isn't really a great idea and they'll likely just be disgruntled - and some of their parents may even mutter behind the scenes.

Debra Hamel 12-24-2007 @ 4:07PM

I hate Christmas and am all for cutting down on the junk that gets distributed at Christmastime. And certainly this is a worthier cause than buying more said junk. On the other hand, maybe this isn't such a good idea. If you want to give money to charity, do it. If you want to give a gift to someone, do that. But in essence you're compelling this other person to give up their gift to others, and that's not really fair. It's not really a gift, after all: you're deciding on the charity, and you're not giving the other party a say in the matter at all.

Swistle 12-25-2007 @ 12:56PM

I don't think it's an issue of making the giver look cheap, since most people know charity gifts actually cost MORE. But I think it IS an issue of forcing a child to, in essence, donate his or her own gift to charity. What you're saying to the recipient is, "Here! I don't think YOU should have this, I think you should give it to someone else. So I did it for you! Merry Christmas!" Even if this IS what you want to do, I think you need to be aware that you're doing it, and that the children don't feel the same warm feeling adults feel about giving to the needy. Maybe the children SHOULD feel that way, but that's a separate issue and up to their own parents, and giving them a charity gift isn't going to teach it to them.

Swistle 12-25-2007 @ 1:03PM

I'm thinking more about this, because I really love those "buy a family a flock of chickens" type catalogs, and I agree with you that some kids get too much. What about an extended-family agreement to have a gift exchange where instead of giving gifts to each other, everyone looks through the charity catalog and is given a "budget" to choose something? Each person can choose their own item, or they can combine with others to choose something bigger.

Or, give your own children the charity gifts, after talking it over beforehand to get them excited about it.

Heather 12-27-2007 @ 10:36AM

I would love to get one of these. I made the suggestion to my parents one year ( devout Christians so the answer surprised me) but they said no we want to get your a real present. I was a little upset and angry because I ahd thought it might be a good idea for them too. If that is what I want I don't see what thier problem is. Buying a family in another country a goat so they can eat, have an income ( make butter ect) would be a gift I would cherish.