Neglecting one of the ones you love

by Linda Lee (Subscribe to Linda Lee's posts) Jan 4th 2008 10:01AM

My poor dog. She used to be the sole object of our combined devotion, and now she's routinely ignored, told to get!, and her stank-breath is no longer tolerated without vigorous criticism ("Jeeeeeeeeeeesus, dog!").

I still love her-how could you not, there's not an unlovable bone in her body-but I sure don't have a shred of patience for her. After a long day of toddler-wrangling, I cannot stand to have one more creature doing something annoying nearby. If she's licking herself, I howl for her to stop; if she's padding around the kitchen, I yell for her to sit down already. When she does her usual routine of coming inside from the backyard and immediately grabbing the nearest shoe with Labby excitement, I grouse about how tired I am of picking up shoes, DAMMIT DOG YOU DROP THAT RIGHT NOW.

Then Riley imitates me: "Doggy DWOP it, WIGHT NOW." Shaking his little finger at her, while she wags her tail apologetically, unsure what all the fuss is about.

Oh, Dog. I'm sorry I've been impatient, that we haven't shown you the attention you deserve. I'm sorry your face is white and your bones ache and instead of a golden retirement, you're in the House of Toddler. I'm sorry we're about to bring another tiny, squalling human into your life. I'm sorry we don't feed you steak scraps more often (but O! the gas, it is horrifying).

In the spring, there will be more Frisbee time, and walks with stroller and leash. I promise.

Comments (58)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)

courtney 1-04-2008 @ 10:30AM

I feel ya...our Pepper is very tolerant of all my intolerance. She was our first baby but now like an old toy we pushed her aside for the real deal. She's stinky and spends most of her day laying in the sun alone in the yard. I'm sure not the life she would choose but I think some days alone in the sun is better then inside getting thrashed by two toddlers. I feel pretty lucky her love is unconditional.

aimee 1-04-2008 @ 10:49AM

Oh am I going to show this to Hubs. He really wants to get a dog and I keep telling him that with a toddler and hopefully another on the way in the not-too-distant future now is NOT the time to get a dog....someday yes, but not now!

Eric's Mommy 1-04-2008 @ 11:40AM

We have 2 dogs, a 180 lb Neapolitan Mastiff that isn't aloud near our son (he's an outside/basement dog) and a 80 lb Pitbull mix that is the sweetest dog ever. He has put up with so much crap, when Eric was real little and would sit on him and poke him in eye etc.
He's getting old now, he's about 10 we think and he is a saint. He used to be our "baby" before Eric came along and now he only gets attention if he is lucky and we tend to get more irritated by him then we used to. He is always under foot and trying to get up on the couch. I do try to spend some extra time with him when I can just petting him or actually letting him on the couch (which is forbidden) to snuggle with me, until Eric complains that he doesn't want Brutus' butt on the couch because it's gross. Poor Brutus.

Kym 1-04-2008 @ 11:08AM

I am so there with you!! After the birth of our first son, the dog's where totally left in the dust. And after the birth of our second son, I have zero patience for them at all. I do feel so terrible about that too. Life is just different when you have kids :(

Lora 1-04-2008 @ 12:49PM

OHHHH MYYYYY!!!! I feel the same way! And no one... nobody understands. I have two biggish mutts... and they are so dear and gentle with my nine month old....
but I constantly say..."Go Away" "Why do you lie RIGHT in my PATH ALWAYS!!!" " P UUUUU "...
pushing them away...
and then an hour later I feel bad and pet them and play with them for two minutes. My boy always goes for the dirty spitty dog toys.. like they are the most desirable thing... and must go in his mouth. My younger dog is delighted by that... and will BRING the toys to him.
And the hair... rolling around... wafting through the air...
the holes and poop on my lawn...
I wish I never got them.
But they are the best dogs...
I hate them.
I love them.
Talk about hormonal!!!!

queenoqueens 1-04-2008 @ 1:18PM

I'm glad to read this because I see I'm not alone. I have a cat and he has become an inanimate furry pillow in my eyes. Where once we plaed with him and even took PHOTOS of him, he now gets fed grudgingly and is relegated to the dark recesses of the house (and spends days sleeping with his butt on my pillow as revenge).

I do remember though how unwittingly, my daughter was picking up on my disrespect towards the cat. And I realized then that I HAD to be nice to the cat to set an example. And all I could think was that now, in addition to bustin my hump everyday to keep things in order, I now also had to kiss my cat's ass!

M4Mommy 1-04-2008 @ 3:20PM

What wonderful things you all are teaching your children!!!

We have. 3 house rabbits, 4 cats, 1 dog. A Border Collie at that. VERY high energy! A hermit crab, a rooster and two horses. The ones that were with us before our daughter was born get the same amount of attention now that they did then. The dog still gets his walk twice a day and his training. the cat still sleeps where ever she wants. The newer additions know no other life except the one that they have that is shared with the entire family.

My daughter is as polite and caring for her animals as she is for us and her friends... and other animals!

You poor things. Having to "be nice to your cat" dealing with "the hair" "the poop" "the holes" "the dog butt on the couch"

Dogs are pack animals. I can almost guarantee that "stinky" Pepper would prefer to be inside with her "pack" Her family! And would possibly even enjoy a bath. Some cats are loners. Others like spending time with their humans. Worried about your little darlings getting clawed and possibly biten? well with the care you show the pets I would be as well. But actually teaching. YES TEACHING your kid to respect and care for an animal. To treat it like a living breathing being from the time you bring the baby home makes a WORLD of difference.

if you cant care for your pets any longer because you are so freaking busy with your lives then give it away. Bring it to the pound. Put it on your local Craigslist for "adoption" Hell. Bring it to the vet and have it put to sleep. But what you are all doing.
Or in your cases, not doing is akin to animal abuse.

Heather-in-Australia 1-06-2008 @ 9:59PM

Geez M4Mommy, all those pets AND that mighty bug up your arse? Excellent multi-tasking!!

Linda 1-04-2008 @ 3:33PM

M4Mommy: yes, I guess we should all have our animals euthanized, as opposed to continuing to abuse them so horriifically. What a reasonable and completely non-insane thing to say!

Kym 1-04-2008 @ 4:16PM

Yep I agree, we must all be heartless bitches!!

Kym 1-04-2008 @ 4:16PM

M4MOMMY, good for you for having all the patience and kindess in the world. I guess we are all just heartless bitches. Thanks so much for your lovely advice, I'll get right on that on!

Danell 1-04-2008 @ 4:35PM

As a vet, I'm going to go out on a limb here and declare that I REEEEALLY don't think that shooing Fido out from under your feet more often than you used to and being irritated at having to vacuum up all the dog hair along with the Cheerios constitutes abuse.

I don't have near as much patience as I used to with my husband either...he gets swatted away and yelled at or hissed at even more often than the pets. Perhaps I should take him out back and shoot him, poor abused thing that he is.

Julia 1-04-2008 @ 4:55PM

"Perhaps I should take him out back and shoot him, poor abused thing that he is."

LOL! Danell, that *cracks* me up. Amen. :)

Danell 1-04-2008 @ 4:49PM

p.s. i love Dog.

Joy 1-04-2008 @ 4:57PM

I really, really feel sorry for all your pets. Sorry, can’t help it.

LS 1-04-2008 @ 5:22PM

apologies if this is a duplicate.

How about an "in the middle" comment? Euthanasia is a bit extreme, but neglect is not tolerable, either...

I have a 2.5 year old Golden Retriever (can you say "terminal puppyhood"?) and a 10ish cat. AND a 4-year-old boy.

I love them all unconditionally, and ALL have their positions in the Pack (yes, I completely agree that the animals - even the cat - are part of our pack. I'm the alpha, and we go from there). My son, as soon as he was old enough, was given the job of Animal Feeder (supervised, of course). Before that, almost from day one, he was taught how to be nice to the animals. And even before day one, the animals were introduced to baby.

Perhaps, with your older dogs, you could purchase a nice dog bed, and place it in a common area. Then, instead of saying "get outta my way, mutt", or "go outside/away dog", you can say, "Rover, go lie down" and she'll have a nice comfy place to go, and still be part of her pack.

When dogs get under our feet or start bringing us unwanted slippers (especially retrievers), they are looking for the attention they are so desperate for. Teach your dog - yes, even the old ones - to bring your kids their toys. Teach your kids to roll a ball for her, and she'll gladly bring it back to them. Teach them to play together, and you won't HAVE to worry about them being together. Training them to do silly tricks not only stimulates their mind, it keeps them from getting bored (destructive), and teaches your children to interact in a positive way with their pets. By the way, contrary to popular belief, CATS can be trained, too! It just takes a little patience and a lot of ingenuity.

Your pets were part of your family before your kids were - in effect, they *were* your kids. Would you tell your older children to "get out of the way" if you're paying attention to your youngers? No, you'd include them in the love.

I do agree, however, that if you see giving much-deserved love to your pets as "kissing their ass", then perhaps you should start looking for a more loving home. An angry or neglected pet is a dangerous pet.

Kara 1-04-2008 @ 5:25PM

I feel sorry for your pets, too. Include them in the family, not exclude them and your children will learn a much more valuable lesson.

courtney 1-04-2008 @ 5:28PM

M4Mommy...pepper gets lots of baths-she's old-she stinks. She also lets herself out, I don't put her out. This post was simply about how things/relationships change. You are rude and I hope your polite and caring daughter is not as judge mental as you are.

jonniker 1-04-2008 @ 5:46PM

I'll be the first to admit that I dote on my dog, but I am SANS TODDLER. Do I expect to still love her once one is here? Sure. But I think what many are construing as neglect is simply the inability to spend hours and hours coddling the animals (I, uh, have been known to carry mine around), and the sanctimony of this whole thing is so grotesquely uncalled for, I'm sorry.

Why must we all be so JUDGY about a flip, cute post about how life and relationships change? I know Linda, and I'm pretty sure that she's not wholly neglecting the dog, and Jesus, I'm sorry, in any world, a child who is learning and growing and will be a functioning member of society does deserve priority over the family pet -- not to a destructive degree, but on a daily attention-needing basis.

What she's referring to, if I may be so bold as to speak for her, is that she's no longer funneling every inch of maternal instinct on the dog which is what people like me, who want babies but for various reasons don't have them, do.

My dog has a small wardrobe, for chrissake (yes, that's embarrassing, and I'm going to regret admitting that, I KNOW I AM) I'm pretty sure that's going to change, and I don't think that's neglect.

toni 1-04-2008 @ 6:34PM

my cats drive me crazy and irritate the hell out of me. they did before i got pregnant and they do even more now. we have 4...my husband had 3 when we got together and well, i'm stuck with them. (they're 13, 14 and 9 plus we have my "kitten" that is now 3) as much as the cats irritate me they are well fed, occaisonally bathed and have full run of the house as well as outside. once the babies born we're not exactly sure how we are going to deal with our spoiled cats but whatever. they're part of the family....however annoying they may be.

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