Neglecting one of the ones you love

by Linda Lee (Subscribe to Linda Lee's posts) Jan 4th 2008 10:01AM

My poor dog. She used to be the sole object of our combined devotion, and now she's routinely ignored, told to get!, and her stank-breath is no longer tolerated without vigorous criticism ("Jeeeeeeeeeeesus, dog!").

I still love her-how could you not, there's not an unlovable bone in her body-but I sure don't have a shred of patience for her. After a long day of toddler-wrangling, I cannot stand to have one more creature doing something annoying nearby. If she's licking herself, I howl for her to stop; if she's padding around the kitchen, I yell for her to sit down already. When she does her usual routine of coming inside from the backyard and immediately grabbing the nearest shoe with Labby excitement, I grouse about how tired I am of picking up shoes, DAMMIT DOG YOU DROP THAT RIGHT NOW.

Then Riley imitates me: "Doggy DWOP it, WIGHT NOW." Shaking his little finger at her, while she wags her tail apologetically, unsure what all the fuss is about.

Oh, Dog. I'm sorry I've been impatient, that we haven't shown you the attention you deserve. I'm sorry your face is white and your bones ache and instead of a golden retirement, you're in the House of Toddler. I'm sorry we're about to bring another tiny, squalling human into your life. I'm sorry we don't feed you steak scraps more often (but O! the gas, it is horrifying).

In the spring, there will be more Frisbee time, and walks with stroller and leash. I promise.

Comments (58)

Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)

LS 1-04-2008 @ 6:37PM

No, it's not neglect to *not* spend every waking minute fawning over your pets after your kids arrive. In fact, I think it's pretty damaging to the pets to fawn excessively over them. But that's another post altogether.

The problem is that she's yelling at her poor dog for doing behaviors that were, previously, accepted and even encouraged. Licking herself? That's normal dog behavior, not cause for correction (unless you're trying to heal a sore, but again - another post). Walking through the kitchen? Is she no longer welcome there? Grabbing a shoe on the way in from outside? This has, for the last how-many-years been a cute and encouraged behavior. Now, all of a sudden, it's cause for correction.

Perhaps these messages that Linda is sending (to the dog) aren't grounds for charges of neglect, but it's understandable that her dog would be confused, and will possibly (if she hasn't already) turn to destructive behavior - perhaps even biting or other aggression toward the children. Then it will be the dog's fault for biting.

That was the point of my post. I cannot speak for others. I certainly do not support the idea of euthanasia.

My point was that perhaps some of these problems - boredom, attention-getting - can be solved by being a little more inclusive toward the dog. Teaching even an old dog a few new tricks will make her feel included, stimulate her mind, AND teach the kids how to correctly interact with her instead of parroting mom's yelling. And it will teach the kids a little responsibility toward the dog, AND take some of the pressure off Mom. That's always a good thing.

And then, come Spring, she AND the kids will be ready to play frisbee and go for nice, long walks.

Lora 1-04-2008 @ 7:01PM

Some people have no sense of humor.

Jay 1-04-2008 @ 6:54PM

Well, the humor certainly died in the post and I don't think it's "cute and flip" to get annoyed at the dog just because you're the tired mother of a toddler. Not everyone thinks it's funny to mistreat animals and yes, treating them differently when a baby comes is sending them mixed signals and will cause problems later. It's also not very cute to read about a toddler being taught to mistreat the dog as well.

queenoqueens 1-04-2008 @ 7:06PM

M4Mommy----it's hard to reconcile how nice you are to your pets with how rude you are in your comments to other people. Most peculiar.

LS---do you think my cat might log onto ParentDish and read my comments and be offended by my calling it "kissing his ass"? I mean, cats are smart, but I don't think he's that brainy. I personally don't think the cat can detect attitude changes, just actions. As far as how I act towards him, it's basically the same....gets fed food (expensive food to keep him alive, by the way), goes to the vet, and has his littler cleaned. I don't pet him as much, and maybe I call him names when he gets right under my feet when I'm walking down the steps while I'm carrying the baby. Is that bad? I better go apologize to my cat right now before he reads this!

Joy 1-04-2008 @ 7:40PM

I find NOTHING amusing or funny about this post. Sense of humor about something as wonderful as your “dear loved pet” that you don’t give two cents about now since you have kids. Did you think having a pet was just a “spur of the moment” thought “until” you had “real” kids? Getting mad (does irritated sound better to you) at them for teaching (letting) them do things for their whole life and now they don’t know what to do. I find it sadder than I can even say. I’ve had pets my whole life and my boys were taught, actually they weren’t taught, we LOVED all our pets and they were a part of our family and they knew that and therefore, they followed our lead on that. We didn’t brush them aside and make them find a quiet place to sleep so they wouldn’t be in our way. I’m pretty steamed at the cavalier attitude of some of you on this subject. An animal is a living and breathing thing and I abhor mistreatment. Maybe not abuse, but mistreated just the same.

queenoqueens 1-04-2008 @ 8:08PM

LS---

BTW, I walked away after my last response and thought better of it. You're right in your comments and my snarky reply was unmerited.

I think we could all stand to be nicer to our pets (and other people).

Jennifer 1-04-2008 @ 8:21PM

I am another reader who saw no humor in this post...

My hubby & I have 2 1yr old chihuahuas. They are my babies, I even have a stroller for them because we go out and take them with us and they get tired of all the walking. I am now 8 weeks pregnant and am soooo effing tired of people telling me "just wait til the baby comes, they'll be pushed aside." Why? Why would I do that to them? I was raised with pets my entire life. Never once were they pushed aside just because we were busy. I have been training my dogs to be extremely tolerant so that anything a toddler does will come as no surprise (I pull on their ears and tails, etc.) They sleep in a crate in our bedroom and that won't change just because the baby's bassinet will be in there too. They have their own pen in the dining room but they will still be allowed to run and play the same as they do now. Your pet's life shouldn't change so drastically just because you've added another member to your family.

And please, do not tell me "just wait..." I have plenty of time and patience to have more than one "baby."

callistawolf 1-04-2008 @ 8:54PM

Holy moses. Talk about a rather innocent topic being blown entirely out of proportion. We have two dogs and while we love them to pieces, they are not our children. So yes, they do take a backseat but I think they still lead pretty full lives, considering. Both dogs get to sleep in a warm bed (under the covers no less!), lay on laps most of the day, pick up table scraps tossed from the high chair and bark at the dog next door.

Do they get the same level of attention they may have if we had no children? Probably not. But when you don't have kids, you are able to treat the dogs as if they are kids because you have more time. Now, we got our dogs after we had kids, so there has been little adjustment. But I will be the first to admit that sometimes when my dog is on my lap and licking at her crotch, I will tell her to "go lick that someplace else!" Because, frankly, I don't need to watch that while I'm trying to eat my lunch. I'm not telling her to stop licking altogether, just go do it someplace else that isn't RIGHT HERE.

I think some of you need to give Linda and these other commenters some slack here. And I think you maybe need to realize you're reading a lot more into this post than is actually there. I don't think she's actually NEGLECTING her dog, just that she sometimes feels bad that she's not able to give her dog the same level of attention she did before her son came. That is all. It's not abuse, it's not neglect. Just relax, for pity's sake!

Joy 1-04-2008 @ 9:30PM

callistawolf:
What did I misunderstand?

She was our first baby but now like an old toy we pushed her aside for the real deal. She's stinky and spends most of her day laying in the sun alone in the yard. I'm sure not the life she would choose but I think some days alone in the sun is better then inside getting thrashed by two toddlers.

After the birth of our first son, the dog's where totally left in the dust. And after the birth of our second son, I have zero patience for them at all

He's getting old now, he's about 10 we think and he is a saint. He used to be our "baby" before Eric came along and now he only gets attention if he is lucky and we tend to get more irritated by him then we used to. He is always under foot and trying to get up on the couch

I have two biggish mutts... and they are so dear and gentle with my nine month old....
but I constantly say..."Go Away" "Why do you lie RIGHT in my PATH ALWAYS!!!" " P UUUUU "...
pushing them away...And the hair... rolling around... wafting through the air...
the holes and poop on my lawn...
I wish I never got them.
But they are the best dogs...
I hate them.
I love them.

I have a cat and he has become an inanimate furry pillow in my eyes. Where once we played with him and even took PHOTOS of him, he now gets fed grudgingly and is relegated to the dark recesses of the house (and spends days sleeping with his butt on my pillow as revenge).

I did not write these things. I wasn’t even going to respond to this post because I thought it was a terrible thing to say out loud, let alone think, and now we are supposed to be giving slack to these people who wrote this stuff? Sorry, I still find no humor in it or Linda's other tongue in cheek post. Some writers take beatings on here when they deserve it but talking through her dog like he's king of the hill after this post that was not taken as a joke by a lot of us is unbelievably "chicken" in my opinion.

Lacy 1-04-2008 @ 10:55PM

I think "crazy animal people" are most amusing. Seriously. You are the same people who didn't have a date to the prom.

IT'S A DOG!!! A DOG!!! Good Lord!!! How about a little perspective!?! We're talking about a dog who has a home, and people who generally care about him, and keep him safe. He's a *lucky* dog.

How about you go swiffer all the flea eggs and hair off your beds instead of blasting us "normal people" for wanting the dog ass off the couch now that our babies are teething on the cushions.

Uly 1-04-2008 @ 11:04PM

Weirdly enough, I *was* asked to go to the prom.

So I would have had a date, if I had chosen to go.

My would-be date (a nice enough boy) was completely taken aback by my explanation that there was nothing I wanted to do *less* than pay good money to stand around in a loud, overperfumed place filled with people I didn't especially like (no offense to him, like I said, he was perfectly nice) on an evening I really had planned to spend with my family. (And, yeah, my cats, who were all rehomed when I realized I was not caring for them properly. I was a kid, and I didn't know better. When I got around to growing up, I did the right thing and found them homes where the people were more capable of taking the responsibility.)

So, yeah... what was your point?

Oh right. You didn't have one, so you tried to disguise that fact by making snide comments about our popularity as *teenagers*. That's mature.

Kara 1-04-2008 @ 10:57PM

I agree with Joy. Plus, aren't people entitled to their opinion about what you wrote? Obviously, writing another post from the dog's point of view was an attempt to convince people he's not mistreated? Lame.

The Voice of Reason 1-05-2008 @ 12:27AM

:hugs: Ignore the psychos. She looks like a sweetheart.

It's normal for pets to fall by the wayside a little when you're dealing with children. I'm pretty sure neither you, the child, or the dog, will be permanently damaged. It will get easier.

(And hurrah to Jonniker)

biscuit 1-05-2008 @ 1:24AM

Lord have mercy! Look @ all these bitchy comments about a cute blog. Just imagine the comments @ the hair salon when you go in for those highlights, momma. . . WHEW!

It's extremely clear you love Dog. How could you not love that big yellow fleabag? I know I do + I've never even had the pleasure of meeting her.

claire 1-05-2008 @ 1:28AM

it seems to me, Linda Lee, that some folks don't understand your sense of humor. Oops. Their loss.

Lacy 1-05-2008 @ 11:45AM

Does anyone have a "g" that "Uly" can borrow?

See, now *that* was immature.

Derek 1-05-2008 @ 5:59AM

I don't find anything humourous about this article, subtle or otherwise. I have two dogs, who I love to death. They certainly don't get the attention they deserve from me, and its about to thin even more when our first little one is born. But, that's a fact of life... YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST. and that's how this blog spoke to me. Life changes, priorities change, little things that didn't used to bother you, will.
She obviously still loves the dog, she just lacks the time for him/her that she used to have oodles of. Besides how can you shame someone for abuse of the animal with that picture of her son playing with his toys on the dog's belly?

LS 1-05-2008 @ 12:15PM

Queenoqueens: Apology accepted, thank you.

becky 1-06-2008 @ 4:58AM

wow. i read this post and could totally relate. my 5 month old has totally taken priority over my dogs and i feel terribly guilty about it and it is nice to read that i am not the only one.
and then i read all these other comments from people who seem to think that their dogs are just as important as their children. and that makes me worry about their kids. because seriously people, i love my dogs, but my baby is much, much more important. and that does not equal animal abuse or neglect, just simple priorities.

Matt 1-06-2008 @ 2:40AM

To the Self-Righteous Pet Owners,

I used to have a dog, it died. She was a pure-bred Jack Russell Terrier, and I hated her guts. When somebody came to the door, she would erupt in a huge fit of shrill barking that pierced my ears and shattered glass. Not only that, but she'd run full speed to the door, knocking over any and every object in her path, just to piss on our guest's shoes in a fit of uncontrollable excitement. We beat that dog senseless trying to get her to stop doing such annoying things as rub her dirty ass on our carpet or roll in turkey poop but to no avail. At age 7, she died of a heart attack while running around outside in the February cold. Praise the Lord!

-Matt

P.S. Feel free to read this comment with absolute sincerity and be sure to send me plenty of hate mail. Your ignorance will keep me laughing for months..:-)

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