Natalie Thomas: Are You a Rachael or a Martha?
My son, the alien
Filed under: Development/Milestones: Babies, Sex
Does your child look like you? It's fairly common to hear someone tell a parent how their child looks like them or to point out the obvious resemblance. However, have you ever had someone ask you if your child was yours or if he was adopted? At first glance, my son doesn't favor me much. You see, I'm the mother of a biracial child. Truthfully, it doesn't seem like a big deal, really, at least not to me. As a matter of fact, isn't it quite common these days? Then why do people still ask strange questions?
More than once, I have been in public with my son and someone with too much time on her hands will be looking us over with her brow furrowed, not quite sure what to make of us. I can predict with almost 100% accuracy when someone is going to ask me a question. They get this puzzled look on their face, they open their mouth and start to speak, stop to question themselves, and then move forward with the question. With a nervous laugh, they will ask, "What is your son?" (Seriously.) I have now learned to pause, look confused, and ask them, "What do you mean?" They will then try to figure out how to appropriately word their inappropriate question. "Well, what is he?" My response now is always, "He's a boy, you can't tell? "
Problem is, a lot of people don't get the message. They will laugh and try to clear up my confusion by rambling, asking me what race he is and where I got him from. I just smile politely, stare at them for a moment, take a deep breath, and say, "Well, I made him the old fashioned way, but he was delivered by C-section. As for his race, that's a little more complicated. I'm Caucasian, but his father was biracial. He had an African-American mother and a Caucasian father. I'm not sure what race that makes him, and confuses me more as to what race that would make my son. What do you think?"
No one really has much to say after that. They are too busy trying to back away from the crazy woman who won't stop talking. Hopefully, I have cured them of being a repeat offender for some other poor mother.
So, I know I'm not the only one who has dealt with the nosy questions. What is the strangest thing someone has asked you about your child?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
1-09-2008 @ 8:27PM
missy said...I have twin girls that look almost identical and are often dressed in the same clothes just different colors. So, I always get the question of "are those twins?" I always want to say some smart remark back but I just end up saying why yes they are.
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1-09-2008 @ 8:55PM
Jenn said...Oddly enough, I know somebody who dresses her children identically (even in the same colors) and they are not twins and look nothing alike. They are, however, only 7 months apart (long story, both kids are adopted), so it really confuses people.....sometimes I think that's why she does it ;)
1-09-2008 @ 10:41PM
Sabrina said...my kids are both the same race as me and my DH, but my DD has a different dad, and we get a chuckle every time someone remarks about how much she looks like her "daddy" my DH. He adopted her.
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1-09-2008 @ 11:07PM
Tamyu said...My husband is Japanese, and my son is bi-racial. I never get asked about adoption in Japan... However, I do get asked if he is "really my husband`s" on a fairly regular basis. Apparently people think that it`s perfectly fine to ask if I cheated in the guise of a "about the child, not you!" question. My son looks quite a lot like me, but does indeed resemble his father in several places. I think it`s his brown hair that tricks them - most bi-racial children you encounter here have black hair. So of course, the assumption ends up being that he isn`t biracial - which means he couldn`t be my husband`s. Argh.
In the US, however, I was asked at every turn where I "got him from", and even got a comment from an old woman "It must`ve been expensive to bring one of those over." Umm, okay. I think I would have been insulted even if he had been adopted.
The contrast is really striking. In Japan, he looks totally Caucasian to everyone. In the US though, he must look like something else.
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1-10-2008 @ 1:38AM
Sarah said...I myself am half Korean. I used to bug my Dad with questions like: "Has anyone ever asked you if we were adopted?" Apparently not, unless he's lying.
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1-10-2008 @ 10:18AM
heather said...What race is he? He is part of the human race.
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1-10-2008 @ 5:42PM
trish said...Heather, that's a great comment!
1-10-2008 @ 1:58PM
bremarie03 said...My son looks very much like his father, and I can't count the number of times I've heard "No question about who his father is!". Would there be a question about it otherwise? Does that call my daughters' parentage into question because they don't look so much like my husband?
And when I was pregnant with my third child: "Was it an accident?" Whether it was or wasn't, how is that ANYBODY'S business? I just can't believe how shockingly rude some people can be.
I can admit to being curious about some families, but do I ask? No, because it's none of my business.
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1-10-2008 @ 10:42PM
jpark said...I would sometimes babysit for a biracial baby girl, and when I would go for a walk with her in high traffic areas some people thought it was okay to tell me that I needed to let her spend a lot of time with her daddy (assuming I was the mother, as we were clearly different races). I was always glad I had the chance to just assure them I was just the nanny, but I hated that their mother would probably face the same issues. I just can't see how people think that's even appropriate.
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