Hitting my stride as a single mom

Filed under: Divorce & Custody

Over the course of my nearly fourteen year union with my ex-husband I dabbled in single motherhood a number of times. The efforts lasted anywhere from three weeks to 18 months. It was as if after a certain amount of time the ails that plagued our relationship seemed to look less toxic than the thought of parenting our children on my own. During our separations I would simply reach a point when the thought of making a go on my own would leave me breathless and feeling as though the walls might close in on me if I were to face a future of evenings and weekends with just the children and me to fill the hours. So for one reason or another my ex and I would reunite and give it another go. Twice these efforts lead to more children that, at times, made the thought of a united family all the more enticing.

Our last separation was final, and after nearly 19 months I can look at the future and not start to itch when I envision the years ahead as a single mom. In fact, I believe I am slipping into something comfortable and, quite incredibly, healthy. The afternoons when I pick up the kids from school seem to slip all too quickly into evenings of homework, baths and bedtime routines. The weekends are shared with their father and within the blink of an eye Friday has slipped into Monday and another week begins. I am not sure exactly when this transition occurred, perhaps it is a factor of maturity or just an acceptance that the past is over and a new era has begun. Whatever the case, I must admit that I really like this new place. There is confidence and security here and I can only believe my three children are soaking this in on some level and, hopefully, they will derive the peace from it that I am.

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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.